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Sunday, April 5, 2009

"I'm Tired of Games"

For more information about our services, including online dating profile rewrites and critiques, live workshops on approaching women and starting conversations as well as private coaching sessions, click here.

"I'm tired of games!"
"Why do guys always have to play games!"
"Why do women always play games."
"Do we really have to play games?"
The above are all questions we have received. We think it's time to address them!

Here's our question to you- What exactly constitutes a "game"?
Is playing "hard to get" a game? Is a girl chatting/flirting with another guy in front of her date a game? Is waiting a few days to call someone a game?

Some websites will say men/women play games because they are insecure. Other sites will say it's "men being men" (Whatever that means?). Others proclaim that they are not games, but tests. But then again... isn't life one big test?

It makes us uneasy when we see a woman’s dating profile which contains some version of ‘I’m tired of games.’ First off, why is anyone mentioning games in the first place? Nice girls with no agendas do not have such words in their vocabulary.

We always sense some deep-rooted issues with men whenever we see a woman mentioning games from the get-go. Someone who is ‘sick of games’ has been burned (and apparently is not over it yet) and is letting you know ahead of time they are out on the warpath. Heed their warning and stay away - for the games have just begun!

So let’s look at some scenarios and see what we come up with:

1. A woman that is obviously flirting (not just talking) with another guy in front of their date:

Some may interpret this as a ‘game’ to test whether your date has a jealousy streak. However, this particular situation is FAR more than that. Anyone who would do something like that on a date has absolutely no manners/class, and needs to be dropped immediately – as in, right then and there.

How to handle it – This is a lose/lose situation. The only way to properly ‘pass’ this test is to walk away. To put up with this sort of thing will cause the girl to lose even more respect for you (assuming she still has any left), and will subject you to even more bad behavior from then on. Like we said, it’s lose/lose. So keep your self-respect and cut your losses.

2. Waiting a couple of days to call someone:

Let's make something clear. If the woman is not interested in you, it doesn’t matter if you call her 10 minutes or 10 days after your date. She will not think you are playing games in either scenario - she just doesn't care. So the only time you will be accused of ‘playing games’ is when she actually likes you.

That being the case, let’s look at what some women do while waiting for a guy she likes to call her back.

Day 1 – Although she is thinking about how great a time she had with you the night before, part of her is also (subconsciously) hoping you are not too eager and call her too soon telling her how much you enjoyed your time out with her. You get points for being patient here.

Day 2 – “I wonder what he is up to right now. Does he like me? I certainly hope so. I should send him a quick text message and say hi. Wait, no. Then I will look too eager. I hope he calls.”

Day 3 – “Ok, he saw Swingers and is probably following the ‘3-day rule.’ Kind of cheesy, but I DO like him and hope I hear from him soon. You know, I have been thinking about him quite a bit lately. I REALLY hope he likes me.”

Day 4 – “Uh oh. Does he like me? Was it my shirt? My hair? Did I smell? Am I too fat? I should call him. Or email him. But then he might write back and reject me, and I’m not sure I can handle that. Maybe he is busy. Or with another woman? No, he is just busy. I’m sure he’ll call.”

She has also spoken to just about ever one of her girlfriends by this point, who have told her that ‘he’s just not that into you’ and she should move on. But the whole time she is talking and thinking about you, her interest level in you is skyrocketing.

Day 5 – She absolutely climbing the walls at this point and starts telling herself that she is moving on unless she hears from you by the end of the day. Put her out of misery and call her already!

How to handle this – No matter when you call, the way you handle it is going to determine whether she will be happy to hear from you or if you are going to be seen as a game-playing jerk. You NEED to make sure that whenever you call, you give the impression (whether true or not) that you have been busy living your life and this was your first chance to call her.

If you give off the vibe that you waited three days to call solely for the purpose of waiting three days to call, then you will be branded a jackass. And rightfully so. Bottom line - call when you'd like and go with your gut! And if she happens to contact you in the interim, bingo! Call her back within 24 hours.

But is this a game?

If done for the right reasons (you really like her and are trying to pace yourselves for the benefit of a potential long-term relationship), feel free to call it a ‘game’ or anything else you want. It is ok, and actually a prudent thing to do.

But if you are doing it solely to mess with her head and have no real interest in the girl, then it is surely a ‘game,’ and you are a dick for playing it.

What do you think?
Any games you'd like discussed?

Singlesnet Inc.

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2009 - All rights reserved
Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics

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