Contestants on 'The Bachelor' Turned Away Due to Herpes

www.OnlineDatingEdge.com

Head's up guys...

A number of gossip websites are reporting that producers of the ABC show ‘The Bachelor' have turned away a substantial number of would-be female contestants after they tested positive for genital herpes. A source was quoted as saying, "some of the best looking women have been told recently that they didn't pass the medical portion of the test due to herpes."

Don't be silly. Cover your willy.

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Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2007 - Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics

Excellent Show for Approaching Women: Keys to the VIP

www.OnlineDatingEdge.com

For those of you learning how to approach women, there is a GREAT program on the FUSE Network (also on the Comedy Network in Canada) called ‘Keys to the VIP' which shows us live, real-time approaches in a club setting.

The premise of the show is that two guys are pitted against one another at a Toronto-area club to find out which of them has better game. There are hidden cameras located throughout the club and each player is wired for sound so we can witness their approaches. We are also told that the girls they approach are ‘real'. The winner gets a complimentary party for him and his friends in the VIP lounge at a club.

During the show, the players compete with one another in certain ‘scenarios' that they are given ahead of time. These include having to make a girl laugh in under a minute, opening a woman by insulting her shoes and my personal favorite, the ‘Reverse Gold Digger', where a contestant has 5 minutes to try and get a girl to buy HIM a drink.

This is probably the best show I have seen for a guy looking to improve his skills with women. Unlike previous dating shows such as ‘Blind Date' or ‘Elimidate', the guys on Keys to the VIP actually have game! This way you can see the RIGHT way to do things. I have seen these guys do some remarkable things with women at the club.

In one interaction, a guy approached a woman he wanted to dance with, but she was smoking a cigarette. He motioned to her to give him the cigarette (as if he wanted a drag). He then took the cigarette and STOMPED it out, and while the women was still in disbelief, he took her hand to get her to dance. It was a beautiful thing to watch.

In another approach, a guy was outed by a woman as a player ('I have seen you talking to EVERY woman in here'). The guy stayed cool, smiled, and asked her name. Almost immediately, she was totally into him and ended up giving him her phone number.

This program also shows you how to react when a woman is not interested. If one of these guys get shot down, they don't lose their cool. Rather, they have the attitude of ‘this girl just missed out on someone REALLY cool', and they move on to the next woman, unfazed.

My suggestion is to pre-record each episode so you can watch them several times. Focus on the body language and confidence that each of these guys convey. Don't worry so much about the actual words or ‘pick-up lines' they use. If you have the right attitude and body language when approaching, you can pretty much say ANYTHING and get away with it. But if you go into an approach looking nervous or unsure of yourself, you are going to get blown out, no matter WHAT you say.

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Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2007 - Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics

Meeting Women in the Supermarket

Following up on our previous report, "A Girl in the Supermarket", I was back in my local supermarket today and found another opportunity.

A short, cute woman was climbing onto the lower shelf in the bread aisle trying to reach hamburger rolls that were lying on the top shelf. I watched as she checked the dates on the packages, groaned, and began her climb. She was obviously unhappy with the results and proceeded to try and reach up again. My moment had arrived...

Me: Do you need some help?
Her: Yeah, I can't reach the buns up top.
Me: Bad date?
Her: Yep.
Me: They put the older ones up in front and the fresh ones in the back. They figure someone of your size will just take the older ones.
Her: Could you get one for me?
Me: Sure, no need to be climbing around like a monkey.

This led to some random chit chat, during which time she kept laughing and playing with her hair. This one was just TOO easy.

Now, she happened to have a child with her. To some this is damaged goods, to others it's unnecessary baggage, and to others it's just a part of life.

I asked for her number. She said, "the kid didn't scare you off?" I laughed and said no. She smiled and gave it to me.

The thing that makes a place like a supermarket so appealing for approaching women is that this is one of those perfectly normal, everyday places that ALL of us have to go to at some point. These well-lit, non-threatening environments are great because people's guards are usually down, and women would generally be more open to starting a conversation there than they would be in, say, a bar or club.

Another advantage of meeting women in a supermarket is that women generally go to these places alone, so there is no concern about peer pressure or being cock-blocked.

Finally, people generally tend to shop at supermarkets located close to where they live, so it would be that much easier to set up an immediate coffee date or meet up with them later. A woman picked ME up at a supermarket about a year ago and it turned out that she lives right around the corner from me. We STILL hang out from time to time...

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Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2007 - Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics

Being a Smartass: Busting on Cashiers

One of the best ways to practice teasing women is by talking to service staff (waitresses, sales clerks, cashiers, etc.). Most of them are very friendly and sociable, and best of all, they HAVE TO be nice to you! Just don't be obnoxious about it - make sure you smile and that you have a playful attitude during the interaction. Otherwise it's not cool.

Today were are going to talk about some ways to have fun with cashiers. Many of these women go through day after day of mindless chit chat with countless, nameless faces. Give them the gift of breaking them out of their reality for a few seconds, and make them smile. When done right, you can TOTALLY make their day.

Here are some of my favorite things to do with cashiers. Of course, much of this depends on where you are and what the situation is. Remember, this is supposed to be fun for EVERYONE involved. There is a fine line between being playful and being a dick. Don't cross it.

1. This one works best in a commercial retail setting (Target, Wegmans, Toys R Us, etc.). After she rings up the total, try to bargain with her! Tell her that since you are her favorite customer, she can give you a special discount. Then promise that you wont tell anyone, it will be your little secret. If she gives you a hard time, offer to cut her in on the savings. Tell her she can use that money to take you out for a proper date. If she still resists, break up with her, right in front of everyone!

2. This one is good in places with older cash registers (liquor stores, mom and pop groceries, pizza places). If the total comes to, let's say, $4.64, give her $7.38 (with a straight face)! Act like it is the most normal thing in the world. Watch her reaction. Always good fun! Remember to always give her less change than the total.

3. Here's one for supermarkets or drug stores. Put together a combination of really weird shit and see how she handles it. I was once in a drug store with a friend of mine at like 3am and there was a cute girl behind the counter. We decided we were going to have some fun...

Between the two of us, we had a 12 pack of beer, Preparation H, a box of condoms and some shampoo! We also assumed the roles of 2 guys pretending to be smooth with the ladies, even though we were acting like a couple of tools. Unfortunately, this girl had no reaction whatsoever. But at least WE got a good laugh out of it.

The key here is to have fun with this, and to try and get the cashier in on it as well. If you can come from a frame of just being out enjoying yourself and trying to spread some of that around, you’ll be fine. Just remember that if you encounter someone that REALLY doesn’t want to play along, PLEASE be polite about it - not everyone has this kind of sense of humor (tragic, I know!).

Good luck!

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2007 - Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics

Internet Dating: A Great Photo Tip

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Here's a GREAT idea I came up with by accident at my cousin's wedding this weekend. If you are going to include a photo of you and another woman as part of your online dating profile, make it one where you a wearing a full suit or tuxedo. Take the jacket off and have the girl in the picture wear it!

And who says chivalry is dead?

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Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2007 - Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics

Approaching Women: The Use of Magic Tricks in the Field

www.ApproachDynamics.com

Stephen,

Just wanted to share an experience I recently had while out with some friends. He was a decent looking guy, I wouldn't look twice, but I wouldn't look away. But something grabbed my attention, a simple magic trick. He walked up to me and a group of my girlfriends and did asked one of us for $20. We looked at him funny and a couple of girls gave him a hard time. He said something to the effect of "trust me." Someone relented and gave him the twenty. He then proceeded to poke a pen through it and made the hole magically disappear.

My girlfriend wound up hooking up with him. It wasn't the trick that did it, but it definately broke the ice. Just thought I'd share the story with you.

-Fay from Oceanside

********MY COMMENTS********
First off, here is the trick, explained fully...



Let me ask you. How do David Blaine (David Blaine White) or Criss Angel (Christopher Nicholas Sarantakos) get the girls they do? No, it's not JUST because they are famous. It's because they have charisma - or at least that's a big part of it. They captivate people by doing something extraordinary.

Does that mean you should go out and learn as many magic tricks as you can and you will be rocking the pickup scene? No. But a cute trick thrown in at the right time, with the right people, can help relax you and your "target".

Personally, I hate that people are ruining the "magic" by puting this stuff "out there," but since Pandora's box is opened, we might as well benefit from it!

And by the way, you can get this pen here.

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Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2007 - Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics

How to Be a Gold Digger - A Step By Step Manual

www.ApproachDynamics.com

EDITOR'S NOTE - If you want to learn how to AVOID gold diggers, check out our four-part series here.
********

I just came across an interesting article in the latest issue of Money Magazine. The article, entitled 'How to Marry a Billionaire', shows people how to track down and entice one of the world's 946 billionaires into marrying you.

And for you guys out there, no worries - there are 38 FEMALE billionaires in the United States (although their average age is 63 and most of them 'earned' their fortunes by divorcing rich guys)! But hey, sometimes you just gotta take one for the team.

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2007 - Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics

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Approaching Women: The Benefits of Dancing

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Here is a situation a LOT of guys run into while out meeting women. Many of us are afraid to hit the dance floor whether at a club or while out on a date for fear of looking like a dickmunch.

The fact of the matter is that NO ONE is expecting you to have the (DANCE!) moves of Michael Jackson - all you have to do is move to the beat.

But who better to do an article on this topic than a woman! Approach Dynamics is proud to introduce one of our female correspondents, Michelle Hill, with her take on this topic...

********
Okay guys, you've all been there. You are out on a date with a woman, the dj or the jukebox starts playing a catchy tune, and she wants to DANCE. You don't want to look like a jackass, but then again, you don't want to be the lame guy who doesn't know how to let loose either. What do you do? Here are some strategies to help you deal:

1. Try: You'll lose the most points with a woman if you don't even make an effort. She is inviting you to get close to her and if you refuse, you'll come off looking weak, boring and no fun.

2. Be silly: My ex-boyfriend did not have many skills on the dance floor, but he made up for it by acting goofy and making me laugh. I had so much fun messing around with him, I didn't care if he had two left feet. Even some of the old standbys will get a smile out of the most uptight of women (e.g. the sprinkler, the lawnmower).

3. Twirl her around: Nothing could be easier. Take her hand, spin her around a few times, maybe even throw in a dip or two. Just make sure she doesn't go flying into anyone else. Women love when a man takes control on the dance floor. Not only does it exude masculinity, but it's also LOTS of fun to be flung around.

4. Don't go overboard: By no means, should your arms be waving in the air like you just don't care. Nor should you be 'grinding' her or coming on too strong (unless, of course, she is sending you signals that this is what she's looking for).

5. Keep it simple: If you must fly solo for a bit or have to fill in the spaces between the above steps, just move to the beat. Watch the movie Hitch and master the basic white man step-snap move [arms close to the body at a 45 degree angle, step to one side, then together (snap) and then to the other side, together (snap)]. The movie has some other great tips too, so it won't be an hour and a half wasted.

The most important thing to remember is to enjoy yourself. Dancing can be a great way to flirt and play up the sexual energy you two have going on. You'll have a chance to get closer, check out HER moves and maybe even get yourself another date.

Michelle Hill
********
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Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2007 - Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics

Internet Dating: The First Email - Avoid Templates

www.approachdynamics.com

Somebody has been passing around an AWFUL template of a cut-and-paste first email to send to women. I have had six different people send me a variation of this garbage. I don't know where it came from, but you might wanna think twice about using it.

Here is the EXACT email (as forwarded to me by its recipient):

********
I think these things are odd, I mean who usually sends out an email to introduce themselves to someone new?

That being said, I like that you're creative. But if you don't like Seinfeld, we'll have to break up. :)

I suppose this is the part where I talk about myself, I'm intelligent, have my mind set on my goals and have been known to make a joke every now and then.

Tell me, what's the most spontaneous thing you've done lately?

Presumably we're both on here to meet someone new. Worst case, you might make a cool friend, so let's get together for a drink/coffee sometime.

Mike
********
Heh? What?

Put yourself in the shoes of a woman getting this email. How would you react?

First off, this email was clearly sent out, WORD FOR WORD, to a large number of women. This is INSULTING. You are telling her that she is just another random girl from the internet, and there is nothing in particular you found special about her. If you are not going to include something unique to that particular girl's profile, don't even bother sending an email. At the very least, include her name in there somewhere! Say what you want about the bullfighter chick, but at least that guy was original.

Then there is THIS perspective. Have you ever used a canned line (or a cut-and-paste email) on a woman and actually gotten a positive response, only to find that you have somehow lost some respect for the woman in the process?

I once sent the same 2-sentence email to ten women (a little more creative than what is above, AND I included their names) just to see what would happen. The entire process took me ten minutes, and I got two positive responses. But instead of being excited, I had a different, unexpected reaction. I remember thinking to myself that ‘hey, didn't she realize that was a line?' It was a little weird.

In short, before sending a first email to a woman, scan her profile closely. Find the one or two things in there that are truly unique to her (i.e. something only SHE could have written). THAT'S your opener. Of course, some profiles are going to have more uniqueness than others, but in reality, why would you want to write to someone with a generic profile anyway?

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2007 - Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics

Conversation Topic: The Sopranos Ending Explained

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We're going to go a bit off topic this afternoon.

Just got an email which seems to put an interesting spin on the ending of the Sopranos. I do not know who came up with this (I don't have this kind of free time on my hands!), but it does seems to make sense.

Could make for an interesting conversation topic on a date...

********
Here is a very interesting interpretation of the ending:

HE WAS KILLED.

In fact, the ending was GENIUS if you've paid attention to the show or are just a fan of well developed, well thought-out plots that all tie together (and you have the memory of a champ to remember it all).

The ending was simple, he got killed. But let me tell you why and explain in detail. There were 3 people in the diner that night who had a reason to kill Tony.

First, the two black guys. They were paid before to kill Tony, but he was only shot in the ear. This was in one of the earlier seasons. Also in the earlier seasons, the trucker who was sitting at the bar stool (who the camera kept focusing in on) is Nikki Leotardo, Phil Leotardo's nephew! He was in one of the early-season episodes where Phil and Tony have a sit down.

Now when Tony is walking into the diner, you see the camera focus on him - then it switches to his perspective, and you see him looking at the booth where he is going sit at.

Then the camera switches back to Tony’s face - then once again switches to his perspective, where it shows him looking at the door and the people coming in. Everytime the door opens, the chimes sound.

Carmela walks in, chimes. AJ walks in, chimes. Then Meadow is seen parallel parking, still trying to get inside the restaurant. At this point the camera switches back to the trucker who goes in the bathroom.

Then it switches to a scene where Meadow finally parks and starts running in the diner.

The door is about to open, and Tony looks up.
But no chimes...
No music...
Everything just goes black...

In one of the early episodes of the Sopranos, Tony is talking with Bobby about what it must feel like to die. Bobby says "at the end, you probably dont hear anything, everything just goes black".

Part of this was revisited at the very end of the second to last episode, when Tony is about to go to sleep and he flashes
back to the memory of him and Bobby on the boat.

"You probably don’t hear anything. Everything just goes black".

So in the end, the Journey song was playing, the chimes on the door sounded but when Meadow came in, the guy in the trucker hat came out and killed Tony...

This is the reason you don’t hear, or see anything when he died. It was from his perspective... and everything went BLACK.

Then the credits rolled.
********

Field Report - Don't Kiss Up To Women

www.ApproachDynamics.com

I was riding the subway last night when this hottie got on at Times Square. By this point, the train was getting crowded and people (both men and women) were standing everywhere. Almost immediately, some guy gets up and offers her his seat. The woman (who happened to be with her boyfriend) gives him one of those perplexed, 'why are you offering me your seat?' looks, and politely refuses.

Just then, this other guy comes over and takes the seat! It was a beautiful thing.

Remember that the next time you get the urge to buy an attractive woman a drink or do something else that is innappropriate under the circumstances. This is NOT a random act of kindness, and it WILL make you look like a jackass.

Don't be a CHUMP.

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2007 - Approach Dynamics / Online Dating Edge

Dating: How to Keep a Conversation Going

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Hey guys what do I do if conversations start getting old and tired?

Pablo

********MY COMMENTS********

Well Pablo, that would depend on your present status. Are you referring to a first date, the early stages of a relationship or have you been married ten years? I am also going to assume that you are still interested in the woman.

First Date:

Unless the woman has the personality of a MOP (which you can usually screen for ahead of time), you guys should have PLENTY to talk about. All this takes is a little preparation on your part beforehand. Here is a rough checklist of some things to do before a first date to make sure you have stuff to talk about:

1. For reasons I will never understand, women LOVE celebrity gossip. Before going out, check out US Weekly or go on one of the celebrity blog sites such as perezhilton.com, tmz.com or wwtdd.com. Don't go TOO crazy, but get a general idea as to recent celebrity break-ups, pregnancies and arrests. Not much different than high school!

2. Check out your local newspaper. Have a basic idea about what is going on in your area.

3. Drama with friends or at work/school (other than your own!) - Think of 2-3 stories about stuff going on with your friends or people you work with/go to school with. Get her take on their situations. This is good because they actually become ‘characters' in your story (and there is a chance she could get to meet them someday). Just make sure that if you are going to use a friend as an example, don't make the story TOO crazy or it could hurt you for being friends with them.

4. Crazy guy on the subway/bus/road - "You're not going to believe what happened to me on the subway, bus, etc." Everyone has one or two good commuting stories about some weirdo. Use it. Make it seem like it was that day, but it really doesn't have to be. It can be our little secret ;)

First 60 Days:

At this point, you guys are still feeling each other out (pun intended). If you are running out of stuff to say, you have probably fallen into a monotonous routine, which is not good. At this point, you guys should have a vested interest in each others' lives, as well as your own thing going on together. This should lead to PLENTY of stuff to talk about.

If you want to try and salvage this situation, you are gonna have to start mixing things up a bit. One of my favorite things to do here is take a girl out of her element. If she is into nice restaurants and loungey type places, take her to the circus or a monster truck rally! If she is into Irish pubs and pool halls (god bless you!), tell her to put on a nice dress and take her someplace fancy. That should do the trick. If it doesn't, then it is possible that you guys may not be compatible with one another.

Ten Years of Marriage:

I have never been hitched (now Stephen, on the other hand...), but I would imagine that there comes a point in many marriages where things like bills, the kids and cleaning bathrooms can supersede the hot romance you guys once had. And while your daily routine is a fact of life, it does NOT have to effect the connection you have with your spouse. After all, there are PLENTY of married couples that still chase each other around the house after 20-30 years of marriage.

Here's how you do it. At least once a month, take your wife out on a ‘date'. Get a babysitter or drop the kids off at your parents. Go somewhere nice - dinner, a show, the zoo, etc. Get creative. This is your time alone together.

But the one thing you MUST do is have no conversation about ANYTHING involving your everyday daily lives (bills, doctor appointments, that bizatch from work, etc.). Have fun, and enjoy each other's company.

Also, try and take your spouse on at least one or two vacations a year (WITHOUT the kids). Lock them in a closet if you have to! And for you Rhodes Scholars out there, that last sentence was a joke.

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2007 - Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics

Romantic Date Places - San Diego

www.ApproachDynamics.com

Yes, I am a born and bred New Yorker. But I do get to travel from time to time, and one of my favorite spots is DEFINITELY San Diego. The beaches, the weather, the kick-ass downtown area and of course, the women. How can you go wrong? Here are some of my favorite date spots when I’m in town...

The Cave Store:

I have to be honest. I'm not sure I want to be writing about this place - as part of its charm is the fact that no one seems to know about it. But it is an AWESOME place to take a date. The Cave Store is located in La Jolla, right off of Prospect Place. From the outside it looks like a regular shop, and they sell some artifacts and San Diego souvenirs. But the real treasure of this place is located at the bottom of the long staircase in the back of the store. Give the girl at the counter four bucks, and she will let you see for yourself.

At the bottom you will find Sunny Jim Cave, which got its name because its opening bears a striking resemblance to W.W. Denslow's cartoon character Sunny Jim who was a mascot for the British Force Wheat cereal products of the 1920's (btw... photo above taken by yours truly). Make sure you bring your camera, and shut off the flash! For a confused look, tell them the guys from Approach Dynamics sent you (then you can BUST on her for not knowing who we are ;)

Afterwards, take your date for a walk down Prospect Place, along the water. There are some staircases which will take you right down to the beach. From there you are on your own...

Balboa Park:

What can I say? I am a sucker for southwestern architecture. And there is no better place to see it in town than Balboa Park. The grounds are absolutely immaculate, and there are old and hidden treasures everywhere you look. Grab yourself a picnic basket and have a nice relaxing meal with your date. Then go for a walk and check out one of the fifteen museums at the park.

Our favorite is the Reuben H. Fleet Science Center. Stephen and I had the honor of attending a private function there earlier this year (picking up a cute blonde waitress in the process!), and had a great time checking out the myriad of hands-on exhibits. If you go, be sure to also check out one of the feature films at the IMAX theatre.

Around town:

As for nightlife, our favorite spot is Aubergine on 4th Avenue. If you are not already with someone, it is an awesome place to try out some approaches.

And if you get the urge for some good BBQ, be sure to check out Kansas City Barbeque, located on West Market Street, not far from Seaport Village. This also happens to be the bar where Top Gun was filmed. Notwithstanding the touristy aspect of the place, (including the infamous jukebox and piano), the food happens to be REALLY good (and reasonably priced).

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2007 - Online Dating Edge
All Photos Copyright 2007 - Alexander Stone

The Rules of Text Messaging

www.ApproachDynamics.com

I LOVE text messaging. In fact, I had to upgrade my plan last month after exceeding my 1000 message limit. But I digress...

I see text messages as a hybrid between an email and an IM. Texts have the same effect as an IM in that it is an ‘instant’ message, but the rules of email apply in that you are not expected to reply right away. Hence, you get an opportunity to THINK before you write back.

Text messages (a.k.a. SMS messages) are also great if you don’t have time to chat on the phone or if you are in a place that is not conducive for a conversation (a noisy bar or club, the subway or a library come to mind).

While texts can also be used for administrative matters (‘I’ll be there at 8', 'Wanna grab lunch?’ or 'I’m on my way’), they are REALLY good for teasing and flirting with women. Of course, how far you want to push the envelope will depend on the person.

Openers:

Again, it is always best to come up with your own material. But here are a few that I have used in the past with good success. Of course, you will want to make sure you use these at the right times:

"What sort of mischief are you getting yourself into?"

"What are you wearing?" And then follow up with, "What else?" Use your imagination from there...

"Favorite Muppet... and WHY?"

"Hey Dork" or "Hey Punk"

"Wanna wrestle?"

"Guess what..." [and then don’t respond when she replies with, "what?"]!!

Also, feel free to send the same text opener to multiple people at the same time! Always good fun.

Rules of Text Messaging:

Here are some of the basics regarding text messaging:

1. The rules of grammar still apply. Make sure your spelling, punctuation and capitalizations are in order.

2. As a guy, make sure the interaction ends with her sending the final text. Leave her in suspense.

3. Keep the interaction short. A text conversation should not be more than a few back and forths. If it is going to be any longer, pick up the phone and call her. Texts are NOT a substitute for normal conversation.

4. Don’t overdo it, but use emoticons (such as smileys :), winks ;) and your tongue out :p) if you are teasing her about something. As with instant messages (which I am NOT a big fan of), you don’t want things getting misinterpreted - ESPECIALLY if this is someone you recently met.

5. As is the case with 3am drunk calls, THINK TWICE before sending something to a woman while severely intoxicated.

Finally, a word about picture messaging. I like to use my cell phone camera to take pictures of goofy shit I see in my everyday travels. These usually get a good laugh when you forward them to women. For example, here’s one I took in San Diego a few weeks ago...



Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2007 - Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics

Dating: The Difference Between an Inexpensive First Date and Being Cheap

http://www.approachdynamics.com/

I have made a point of emphasizing that when you are going out with a woman early on, you want to do something that is fun, interactive and INEXPENSIVE.

There are several reasons you want to keep a first date inexpensive. First, there is something unnatural about spending a lot of money on someone you just met. I can’t think of a more uncomfortable situation than two strangers sitting across from one another at a fancy restaurant trying to keep a conversation going. People put their guards up, and this kind of environment sets off all sorts of ‘date mechanisms’ in a woman’s head.

Plus, if things don’t work out, the woman (especially if she is nice) is either going to feel guilty or is going to wonder if the guy is going to have a ‘you owe me’ mentality at the end of the evening when he tries to go for a kiss. Nice girls also get turned off by these lavish first dates, because it leaves them wondering ‘why does this guy feels like he has to drop all this money on me... why cant he just be himself’?

Secondly, you are setting a bad precedent. If you spend a lot of money on her early on, she is going to expect it on future dates. If you start off moderate and things end up working out, you can always treat her later. She will also appreciate it more.

Finally, expensive dates are, well, expensive. This can prove costly for anyone, especially if you are dating a lot of women. And I can assure you, there is no correlation between how much money you spend and how successful your date is going to be (or at least there BETTER not be, or you have trouble on your hands).

But that being said, DON’T BE CHEAP. Cheap people SUCK.

Some examples of a guy being cheap on a first date could include taking her up on her offer of ‘can I get this?’ when the check comes, expecting her to share food with you (for NON-romantic reasons) or not buying a round of drinks, dessert, etc. if the situation calls for it. I still laugh when I think of the story a friend told me about a guy that took her to Starbucks and tried to use a COUPON. That’s not cool.

If you want to see a true skinflint in action, check out our buddy Darren, who demanded that a girl reimburse him for half his restaurant bill after she wouldn’t go out with him again. Hey buddy, YOU made the choice to take her out for an expensive dinner. You have NO RIGHT to complain that you were used because she wouldn’t see you again.

Now if she DEMANDS that you take her somewhere or buy her something while you guys are out, by all means call her out on it (and then throw her number away). But otherwise, don’t mention money at all (in ANY respect). It should be a non-issue. Bottom line - go someplace fun and inexpensive, like a pool hall, bowling alley or a bar with games. But once you guys are there, do whatever you have to do to make the date fun.

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2007 - Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics

Dating - What to Do For Her Birthday

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Alexander and Stephen,

I have been daitng a girl for six weeks and her birthday is coming up. What should i get her?

Tim from Stockton

********MY COMMENTS********

Just had this situation myself not too long ago. Actually turned out to be an EXCELLENT conversation opener when talking to other women. Just remember to be careful with the answers you get from them.

I think it’s great that you want to do the right thing with regard to her birthday. The key to successfully pulling this off is to be creative and original, WITHOUT spending a lot of money. You want to convey the message that you were thinking of her, and wanted to do something nice. How you approach this really depends on what your intentions are with this woman.

I wouldn’t worry about presents at this point - it’s WAY too early. You will score a LOT more points taking her out and doing something fun. Think back to something she said about what she likes to do (you WERE listening to her, right Skippy?) and go from there. For example, if she mentioned that she likes animals, take her to the zoo. If she likes sports (marry her!), take her to a wrestling match or a baseball game.

Either way, do something thoughtful and fun. I was once out with a woman on a first meeting and had a great time. Turned out her birthday was the next week. I ended up telling her to, "keep [Tuesday] night open, I’m taking you out." I didn't tell her where we were going (took her to the circus). Uhm, let’s just say she thanked me afterwards. Giggidy Giggidy!

Now if you see this as something that could be potentially long term, you can go to a place like Papyrus and pick her up a nice card. Write her a short message teasing her a bit about how she’s kinda cute for a dork - it will be a nice contrast to the fancy card. But whatever you do, DO NOT spill your guts about how you feel about her. And no flowers either - WAY too cliche for a birthday.

And interestingly enough, this can be a good test to see how she reacts to your gestures. If she gets whiney or complains that you didn’t spend enough money on her, you have trouble on your hands. Hey, better you find out now.

Let us know what happens...

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2007 - Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics

Article - Where Everybody Knows Your (Screen) Name: Online Games as "Third Places"

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The next time someone gives you shit about spending too much time on your fantasy hockey league, send them this link.

This article, written by Constance Steinkuehler and Dmitri Williams, examines the form and function of massively multiplayer online games (MMOs) in terms of social engagement. Apparently, a lot of people (known as 'gamers') are looking to these types of games as a "Third Place", i.e., an outlet for social interaction among their peers - sort of akin to the coffee shop from Friends or the bar on Cheers.

Now for us non-gamers out there, a woman gamer (yes, there ARE women there) named Meg Stivison has done a good job translating the study into plain English in her article, MMO Gaming and Relationships. In it, Stivison states the following:

"We've all heard the accusation that gamers are anti-social. Sometimes we respond angrily, other times we embrace the solitary geek descriptions. But social gaming provides an essential third place, where online friendships and teams might actually be helpful and healthy. "

Now granted, gamers have been painted quite negatively by many individuals as well as the popular media. I’m sure South Park’s World of Warcraft episode didn’t help matters much either. But this article did get me thinking about how a lot of guys have approached the world of online dating.

For those of us that look at online dating as an inexpensive, convenient and FUN way to meet a large number of people (all of whom are supposedly 'single and looking') in a short period of time, the advent of internet dating has been a blessing.

However, there are also a number of people that have taken to online dating as a type of security blanket shielding them from actually going into the real world to meet people. These are the guys that are writing to women on the other side of the globe in the hopes of starting an email relationship with someone they will probably never meet (wasting their time AND hers).

The reality is that while sitting behind a computer screen (playing MMOs or doing whatever) can be okay in MODERATION, it is NOT a substitute for going out into the real world and interacting with people face to face. I can ASSURE you, a real interaction with a women (or several if you can pull it off!) is a LOT more satisfying then chatting with one on IM. And it really isn't that hard (no pun intended!). As we have said before, 'Don't be a Keyboard Jockey '. Remember, you don't want to end up like this dude.

Now go meet some women!

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2007 - Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics

Field Report: A Girl in the Supermarket

www.ApproachDynamics.com

It can happen anywhere...

This afternoon I ran down to the local supermarket to pick up a few things. As I was walking down the dairy aisle (why is it still called the dairy aisle when they have juices in the same refrigerated areas?), I noticed a beautiful girl. She was staring at the orange juices as if it was the first time she was shopping. After much deliberation, I saw her pick up the store brand orange juice (from concentrate). I quickly took action!

Me: "You know, for only a quarter more you can get the GOOD stuff (pointing to the Tropicana and Simply Orange)".
Her: "Oh... (she smiles and giggles)... I'm staying by my friend's house for the week and she asked me to pick up a few things. I'm trying to get the cheapest one."
Me: "Some friend YOU are" (with a smile).

I then asked where she was from and she gave me the rundown. Grad school classes are done and she's looking for teaching jobs, and she was taking a week to spend with her girlfriend that lives by the water.

I told her my ice cream was going to melt, but she should give me her number and maybe we could meet up. She smiled, said sure, and put it on my cellphone. The entire exchange took approximately 3 to 5 minutes.

Lessons learned:
1. When trying to initiate a conversation, if you can't think of something to say right away, take notice of something in the envirornment and comment on it.

These 'situational' openers are frequently the best type to use - they are original, relevant to something that is going on in the environment and they keep her guard down because it seems like normal conversation rather than a pick-up.

2. It is MUCH easier to approach a woman and start a conversation in a place like a supermarket than a bar or a club. Again, it just seems like normal conversation and she will be much more receptive to speaking to you. And by the time you ask for her number, she will be happy she met a normal guy and should have no problem giving it to you.

Give it a shot!

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2007 - Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics

Great Date Ideas - Bowling & Pool

www.ApproachDynamics.com

Following up on our previous article, 'Some Interesting Date Spots', here are some more ideas for fun places to take a date.

Bowling:

Bowling is always an excellent date spot. First off, you can immediately weed out the high maintenance women who dont want to mess up their nails. Secondly, it is fun, interactive and (unless you are at Bowlmor in New York City), relatively inexpensive. Finally, it's a GREAT opportunity for you to check out her 'form' (i.e. her ass!), while she bowls. You didn't get that from me...

I look at bowling dates from a '3 game' perspective (especially if it is an early date). The first game is more of a warm up. You are still getting used to the envirormnent, and each other. Make sure you have a decent pair of shoes and a ball that fits your hand so you don't look like a tool. Start off with some random chit-chat about how you haven't bowled in such a long time, tease her about messing up her chances with you if she misses some easy shots and hint to her that the next game is going to have a wager attached to it.

By the second game, you guys will hopefully be engaging in real conversation. Don't worry so much about bowling at this point - your focus should be on talking with her. Remember, the place is charging you by the GAME, not the hour. Use the excuse to bowl if there is a lull in the conversation or if you want to keep her in suspense about something. Your wager for this game should be something along the lines of a round of drinks or my favorite, a 'secret'.

The third game can be optional, but you should go for it if things are going well and you want to chat more. If you want, you can skip this game and take her somewhere for dessert. If you play, your wager should be for something after you guys leave (dessert, first round of drinks somewhere, etc.). But whatever it is, make sure it is for something THAT DAY. Do NOT make plans for another date while on a date, especially if you just started seeing her.

Pool/Billiards:

Another good idea is to go and shoot pool. A lot of what I said for bowling will apply here as well (but try to avoid checking out another aspect of her 'form' when she leans down to take a shot - she WILL catch you).

One advantage of pool is that, unlike bowling, you will probably play a lot more games. This gives you ample opportunity to place mini wagers as you go along (start with a drink, work your way up to a 'secret' and see where it goes from there). And you can show her how to hold the stick!

For those of you in New York City, a good place to go is Fat Cat Billiards in the West Village. It kinda resembles someone's basement, but they have plenty of pool tables (as well as foosball, ping-pong and even chess). They are also VERY reasonably priced (at least for NYC standards).

One final tip for bowling and pool. By no means am I saying throw the game and let her win (unless the wager is something you WANT to give her - a massage for instance?), but DO try and keep the games close. Things tend to get boring if you are kicking her ass each game.

Good luck!

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2007 - Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics

Video: Evan O'Dorney - How NOT to Act in a Social Setting

www.ApproachDynamics.com

Some people just lack social skills. Take Evan O'Dorney, this year's spelling bee champion, for instance (video courtesy of CNN and YouTube):



Now let's go easy on this young man, he's only a kid! But there are a lot of guys and girls out there just like him that lack communication and other social skills (and who DON'T have the excuse that they were home schooled and kept away from all other human interaction). If you or someone you know is like THIS, help is here...

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2007 - Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics

Internet Dating: Anatomy of a Generic Profile

www.ApproachDynamics.com

One of the big realities with internet dating is that if you have a generic profile, you are going to get a generic date (if you’re lucky). Not only does the inclusion of any cliches or other meaningless phrases in your online dating profile make you look unoriginal and boring, but you also lose credibility because it appears that you are using someone else’s material (which you are!).

But have you ever stopped and wondered what is actually BEHIND some of those canned lines that appear in so many dating profiles? Let’s take a look at what some of these phrases REALLY mean...

"I cant believe I am doing this" or "I have finally resorted to online dating" - Always nice to open with a negative, eh? Basically, they are saying that online dating is beneath them, and they can’t believe they have stooped so low that they are on this site. And let’s remember, this is going to be read by other people that have ‘resorted to online dating’. REAL smooth.

"After taking a break, I have decided to give online dating another shot" - I just got out of a relationship, and I am either on the rebound or looking for some ‘no strings attached physical fun’. Proceed at your own risk.

"No game players" - The games have JUST begun...

"I am just as comfortable in jeans and a t-shirt as I am in heels and a cocktail dress" - C’mon, are guys really clueless enough to believe that? I tried heels once - NOT very comfortable.

"I'ts really hard to write about yourself in 1000 characters or less" - I have the personality of a mop.

"I love to laugh" - Oh, so YOU'RE the one. For a moment there, I thought you loved to frown. Thanks for clearing that up for me. Hey, I love to laugh too! We must be soulmates...

"My friends are important to me" - Well, I suppose that’s why they are your friends, Skippy.

"My friends say I am smart, funny, etc..." But what do they say BEHIND your back? And while we’re at it, how do I know that your friends aren’t all a bunch of tools?

"I am tired of the bar scene" - You’ve got a party girl/guy on your hands here. If you are looking for a relationship, you might wanna consider looking elsewhere. These chaps are usually not the best relationship material.

"I don’t care how much money a guy makes" - If she really didnt care about money, why did she bring it up in the first place? Hmm...

"I look much better in person" - Yeah. Maybe with a lower wattage light bulb (thanks Will!).

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2007 - Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics

Approaching Women: A Fear of Success

www.ApproachDynamics.com

You guys are in for a real treat today.

I have included a link to one of the best articles I have ever come across when it comes to overcoming your fear of approaching women. Carlos Xuma, author of the Dating Black Book (as well as countless other programs), has brilliantly touched on an issue that many guys have with women - a fear of SUCCESS.

What do we mean by fear of success? Well, there are many people walking around with severe approach anxiety towards walking up to a women and starting a conversation. What are they so anxious about? Fear of rejection for one. What if she shoots me down? How will I live with myself?

But I think there are just as many guys with the opposite problem - a fear of success. These are the guys that could care less if a woman rejects them. In fact, if they come across a real weirdo that goes psycho on them (like our bullfighter chick), they actually find it quite amusing.

Guys with fear of success are worried about, you guessed it, SUCCEEDING with a woman. For them, getting shot down is the EASY way out, because if the woman is interested, they now have to actually DO something. This becomes a 'what now?' situation, and can be just as crippling as being afraid of a woman turning you down.

And then we have those guys with both a fear of rejection AND a fear of success. This is one of the worst situations a guy could find himself in, because you are essentially in a 'damned if you do, damned if you don't' scenario. Not only are these guys worried about looking foolish in front of a woman, but in the event she DOES likes him, they get all fearful about what to do next.

Carlos does an excellent job addressing these situations and give some great tips on how to work towards overcoming them. You can find the article here.

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2007 - Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics

Why Do Women Give Bad Dating Advice?

www.ApproachDynamics.com

Have you ever noticed that one of the WORST places to go for advice on women is OTHER WOMEN? And forget about the ones that are vindictive, I am talking about the good-natured ones.

I first discovered this back in my clueless days. I had been out with a girl I really liked a few times, and I didn't know where I stood with her (of course, this would NEVER happen today - click here to find out why). I must have went to every female friend I had at the time for advice, and got a whole assortment of wonderful information.

"You probably aren't complimenting her enough. Women LOVE that."

"Next time you see her, bring her flowers."

Or my personal favorite, "she is probably confused as to where you stand. You should tell her how you feel about her. Be honest with her."

So I did what I was told - and to say I was shot down is an UNDERSTATEMENT. And the worst part? I went back to my female friends for MORE advice on why I was rejected. I was told that although this wasn't the right girl for me (no shit!), I should keep complimenting women and telling them how I felt about them. When the RIGHT one comes along, she will appreciate it.

Now this would appear to make perfect logical sense, right? And my friends DID truly want the best for me. But unfortunately, dating does not subscribe to the logic business, and it took me a bit of time to realize that this approach was the wrong way to go. Don't make my mistake.

We also have the UNSOLICITED advice from women. I once had a girl (who I happened to like) send me a message on Friendster. I didn't even know she sent the message, because I wasn't using my account back then.

A few days later, our mutual friend who had introduced us (her former college roommate) calls me up and tells me to "be nice and write her back. She has been climbing the walls trying to figure out why you haven't responded to her message." As if this is somehow a bad thing!

While your female friends may have the best of intentions when giving you advice on other women, the fact of the matter is that many women just don't KNOW what they want (they only know what they THINK they want). They tell you they are looking for a nice guy, but then end up dating a jerk. They say they like flowers and compliments from guys they just met, but they lose attraction for you if you give it to them. Heh? What? Exactly.

Despite what women may tell you, they are looking for a guy that is confident, has self-control, a sense of humor and is mysterious (i.e. a CHALLENGE). Stay tuned for articles on each of these in the near future.

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2007 - Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics

Self Control: How NOT to React

www.ApproachDynamics.com

Phillip Wellman, the manager of the Atlanta Braves' minor league team in Mississippi, shows us what can happen when you lose self-control.



Keep this in mind the next time a woman throws one too many stupid questions at you, turns you down for a date or creates some other seemingly bad situation. Play it cool, SMILE and walk away. You can always act like a jackass in the privacy of your own home.

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2007 - Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics

Approaching Women: The Power of a Light Touch on the Arm

www.ApproachDynamics.com

Here is an interesting article about a scientific study performed in France where a guy approached a number of women in a club and asked them to dance, while others in the study approached women on the street and asked for their phone numbers.

The purpose of the study was to see if lightly touching a woman on the arm while asking them to dance or for their phone number would have any effect on the success rate. According to the study, it DOES - the theory being that when men make this light touch on the women's arms, they are perceived as more dominant which is an attractive trait associated with status.

Check it out here.

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2007 - Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics

Video: 'Can I Get Your Number?' The Misnomer of Getting Her Phone Number

http://www.approachdynamics.com/

EDITOR'S NOTE - This article is a follow-up on our previous posts, Video: Can I Have Your Number? and Getting Her Phone Number.
********

Before we begin, here is another clip from MADtv of our friend Darrell trying to score some tail at a fast food joint. Love the sweater!


Now let's remember, a 'phone number' in its simplest form, is merely a series of 7-10 digits. In and of themselves, they have NO significance whatsoever. A lot of guys go out with the end goal of 'getting her number' or trying to get as many phone numbers as they can. If you are looking to actually meet women, you NEED to shift your focus.

If you are talking to a women you just met, there is going to come a point where one of you is going to have to leave (ALWAYS better when YOU end the interaction first - and try and do it on a high note so she will look forward to speaking with you again!). In this situation, the purpose of 'getting her phone number' is so the two of you can continue talking at another time.

For a guy to walk right up to a woman and ask for her number within a few moments of talking to her is pointless. You have developed no rapport, and you come off as some creepy dude with questionable intentions.

Now every once in a while, a guy will try this approach and actually get a phone number. But this is fool's mate. This girl either gave you a fake phone number to get rid of you, or she is giving her number out to half the city. Plus, if you try calling her, she is not going to remember you from a hole in the wall. The number ain't worth the paper it's written on.

When you are out meeting people, make sure your focus is to actually engage a woman in conversation rather than 'scoring some digits'. Once you have done that, exit gracefully with something like, "Hey, I need to get back to my friends, but it was great meeting you." Then pause for a few seconds and say, "What's your number?" Its as simple as that. Just make sure you have a pen on you!

Alexander Stone & Stephen David

Copyright 2007 - Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics

How to Spot a Gold Digger: Part IV of IV - How to Avoid Them

http://www.approachdynamics.com/

This is the fourth part of a four-part series.
Click here for:
How to Spot a Gold Digger: Part I of IV- Introduction
How to Spot a Gold Digger: Part II of IV - The Initial Meeting
How to Spot a Gold Digger: Part III of IV - The First Date and Beyond
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It is inevitable that any man with an active social life is going to encounter a gold digger from time to time. However, there are a number of things you can do to reduce your odds of ending up with a selfish, superficial woman, while simultaneously INCREASING your chances of meeting the RIGHT woman. Here’s how to do it:

1. REMOVE YOUR OCCUPATION FROM YOUR ONLINE PROFILE. This was one of my biggest breakthroughs with online dating. My responses decreased, but the quality of the ones I did get SKYROCKETED. You also get points from women for not being pretentious and for having a sense of humor. If you are humorless, you can merely put down ‘gainfully employed.’ But if you want to have some fun, use one of our previous examples or be creative and come up with one of your own.

2. Also with online dating, look for the buzz words discussed in Part II and avoid those women. If one of them happens to contact you, do not respond (or call her out on it and let us know what happens!). There are PLENTY of attractive, emotionally-healthy women out there - no need wasting time on the fake ones.

3. Choose something fun, interactive and inexpensive for a first date/meeting (pool, bowling, café or pub). Gold diggers and status-conscious women HATE these types of inexpensive activities, and it will show you a LOT about who she really is as a person.

4. Go for the kiss at the end of the first date (second time out if you met her online). Read our previous article if you want a more in-depth explanation why. This will tell you what her interest in you is REAL fast.

5. Have a pre-planned, smartass answer for any gold digger questions she may throw at you. I'll get you started:

Q: What do you do?
A: (choose any of the following) Elbow model, World's tallest midget, 'You know that guy at the circus that follows the elephants? Well, I follow him.'

Q: What kind of car do you drive?
A: 1981 Chevette; or...
A: Ever see the Flintstones? (then just PAUSE and see what she does). Then smile and nod and say 'Yeah.'

Q: Do you own or rent?
A: Actually, I just crash at rich women's apartments. Are you rich?

Trust me - she’ll get the hint.

6. DON'T BUY WOMEN DRINKS! Here is one I am glad I learned at an early age. This should be rule 1 of any dating manifesto. Not only does this TURN OFF the nice women ('why does he think he has to BUY me something to talk to me?'), but this will attract the wrong women.

Now sometimes women will get cute and come up to you and say 'buy me a drink'. I never did understand this one, but it has happened to me a few times. Just chuckle and make her repeat what she said. Then say "AWESOME. I'll have a Jameson and ginger ale." If she protests and says that you are supposed to buy HER a drink, act really stupid and have her explain herself ("I don't understand, what do you mean?").

7. Finally, you need to get rid of that self-destructive mindset that this is the hottest girl you have ever been out with, and you are not going to do any better. If she is the wrong woman, she is the wrong woman. There is such an ABUNDANCE of good women out there - so there is NO reason why any guy should feel that he has to settle for anyone who doesn’t meet his standards.

Capice?

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2007 - Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics