The Online Stalker

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Alexander & Stephen,

I have recently returned to online dating after breaking up with my girlfriend. I am noticing on my internet dating account that someone keeps clicking on my profile. I am getting a vibe that it is my ex ‘checking up on me.’ Should I call her out on it or tell her to knock it off?

Sean from DC

********MY COMMENTS********

IGNORE IT.

Don’t even bother calling her out on it. She’ll deny everything and try to make it look like YOU are the jealous ex. Ignore her.

But if you really want to have some fun with her, you can send the ‘profile girl’ a quick message calling her out on the fact that she keeps clicking on you.

“Well, are you going to say hello already or what? All my stalker positions are currently filled, so I am going to have to limit you to nine clicks per day unless you have something interesting to say.”

Good luck!

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2007 - All rights reserved
Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics

The Group Date

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Alexander,

A girl that I met online and have been out with twice has invited me out with a friend of hers and her boyfriend who supposedly is in from out of town. Our two dates have been fun but casual, and by no means are we acting like anything resembling a couple at this point. I also have not made up my mind yet where I would like to take things with her (I am 10 years older than her). Should I go?

Stan
Miami

********MY RESPONSE********

NO.

Even if you knew what your plans were for this young vixen, group dates are a BAD idea this early on (especially HER group).

My general rule is that for the first sixty days you are interacting with a women, it is just the two of you out on dates. No friends, cousins, pets or mob-connected uncles.

I see very little good that can come out of going out under this type of arrangement. Let's look at why:

First, you are going to be tested and judged. BIG TIME.

You and her friend might be old chums by the time she is the maid of honor at your wedding, but I can assure you she is NOT on your side tonight.

If you have done everything right up until this point, your date should be pretty into you by now. When a women likes the guy she is out with, certain mistakes men inevitably (and unconsciously) make tend to be overlooked.

However, her friend's role that evening will be to make sure your lovestricken date is not letting too much slide. Shoes don't match your belt? Busted. Undertipped at the restaurant (or overtipped and acted like a douche bragging about it)? Busted. Checking out your date's ass at the bowling alley? Busted. An extra pair of eyes on you this early is never good.

And then you have to prepare for all of those questions her friend is going to throw at you. It's a safe bet that they are going to be of the 'job interview' type - you know, the ones we all go through great lengths to avoid in the first place (perhaps this is her way of finally getting those answers you wont give her - clever, eh?).

Finally, she is NOT going to be acting the same way she does when you are alone. Think she is going to chuckle again when you try that 'stop-short' move in your car in front of a girl she has known since she was 6? Think again. And you can forget about trying to make a move on her in front of her friends. Then again, why would you want to?

Decline her offer (politely, of course) and counteroffer with another day where it can just be the two of you. Once you guys are a happy couple that has been together for at least two months, then you can meet her friends (and vice versa). Until then, no group dates!

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2007 - All rights reserved
Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics

More about Approaching Women

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In an earlier post we wrote briefly about approaching women. We gave three important rules to remember before you get up to bat:
1- "It doesn't matter" what anyone thinks of you
2- Not every approach leads to anything
3- RELAX

That's all well and good, but you need to do a little bit more in order to improve upon your success.

One of the most important concepts to remember is what we call "PROACTIVE REACTION"

Big words for a simple concept - be prepared and then react!

By going into an approach with a clear plan you GREATLY improve upon your results and prevent the dreaded "over-thinking". Once you have enough practice and experience (and a coach that points out flaws or areas to improve upon), you'll see your success rate improve dramatically.

What do I talk about? How do I start up a conversation? During our seminars and workshops we provide a number of methods. One of the simple ones is our "OSO" approach - an observation, followed by a story, and then an opinion question.

The observation is what "gets you in". The story keeps her interested. And the opinion intrigues her. This simple OSO technique is great whether you are just getting started with "approaching" or even if you consider yourself to be a bit of an artist. In some cases, all you need is the observation to get you in and then things will flow smoothly.

Feel free to mix up the order of the opinion and observation if you like, or even start with the story. Some may preach opening with an opinion, but to us an observational opener is much more natural. Either way, happy "hunting"!

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2007 - All rights reserved
Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics

Thanksgiving Warning

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Here's a funny little video that pokes fun at turkeys and tryptophan. Be careful this Thanksgiving ladies and gentlemen, you never know what someone may be planning.
Enjoy.




Happy Thanksgiving!

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2007 - All rights reserved
Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics

When is it time to settle down?

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---
Here's Michelle Hill with her take on a question from one of our loyal readers:

Question from a reader:

I am an old man whose son continues to change girls quicker than his underwear. How do I get him to settle down?

My first instinct is to ask how old your son is. If he’s 25, I’d say you’re going to have to wait a while until he’s ready to settle down. Now, if he’s 35, that’s a different story. While it varies person to person, men tend to start getting the nesting instinct at some point in their thirties.

That being said, however, there is likely very little you can do to ‘get him to settle down’. Committing to one person is a big step, one that has to be the decision of the individual making it. No one wants to be told what to do or be forced into something he is not ready for, especially not by his father! And while you may not want to hear this, marriage or other versions of long-term commitment is not for everyone. Your son could decide that he never wants to settle down.

Bottom line, just talk to your son. If you have concerns about his lifestyle, let him know. Otherwise, just let him figure things out on his own. Pressuring him will not make him more likely to do anything and will only make him resent you. He will appreciate your allowing him to be his own man.

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2007 - All rights reserved
Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics

Ugly Models

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We've heard it before, it must be true, there really is someone for everyone!

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2007 - All rights reserved
Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics

Field Report: Stick to the Story

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Guys, my "pal" just made me look like a tool. We were out and I got in with a group. I made up a little story about him and he totally busted me. I thought he was my wingman, but he let me down. Warn your blog reading public about the atrocity of "not sticking with the story!" - sent from Jerome in NY, NY

We've all been there before- a buddy is in with a group of girls and things are progressing nicely. They are laughing, he's the center of attention. Even the guys that were with the girls originally (potential blockers) are laughing right along. You see an opportunity to move in and do so. Your buddy introduces you and then oddly mentions how you were the guy that was slashed by the hockey stick. You pause and in your head you try and recall ever even playing hockey. Your pal has that look in his eye. You laughingly say, "yep, that's me."

That's the way most people would see things going. Your friend, for what ever reason, just made up some story and you went along with it. We are not here to discuss the morality of the situation. The best I'll do is say this- I'm not one for lying, but a little white fib almost never hurts anyone. Almost never.

Jerome, we agree - STICK WITH THE STORY!

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2007 - All rights reserved
Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics