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Friday, March 16, 2007

Online Dating - When Teasing Goes Terribly Wrong


I wanted to let you know about a little exchange that took place online a little while back. I was writing a bunch of women, and I came across this one profile. Cute girl, but her profile was one of those generic, cut and paste deals. Now I normally pass those over, but I decided this time that I was going to have some fun and see if I could find something to write. Her profile was virtually useless, so I decided to take a closer look at her pictures.

She had this one picture that totally stood out. She was wearing this white dress that looked like it was from the 1700s with a red sash around her waist. She looked like a cross between Martha Washington and a matador. Bingo! I had my opener...

"I gotta tell you XXX, I really dig that bullfighting outfit... did u win? Well, no matter - I guess all I need to do now is decide whether to dress up as a bull or a PETA protester and we have ourselves a Halloween date. I’ll drive (unless, of course, Im the bull... then we can cab it ;)

Talk soon,
D "

To my dismay, here was her reply...

"Dear Tool,

You have a real way with the ladies...insulting as a form of flirting? Go back to your manual of "How NOT to be a asshole" and let me know when you've brushed up on your skills. "

And my response...

"Yikes... I figured anyone who would wear something like that would have a pretty good sense of humor. Guess I was wrong. Best of luck."

Thought you guys would get a kick out of that one.

New York

********MY COMMENTS********

Dear Tool (I LOVE it!),

A bullfighter that looks like Martha Washington? Perhaps its time to find you another dating website.

But seriously guys, there is actually a lot to learn here. This girl happens to be quite attractive. Nonetheless, I think our friend here was clearly being playful, and did not deserve that kind of reaction. But this is a good thing.

A lot of guys I speak to have a fear of initiating a conversation with a woman - either online or in person. But since this is an article on online dating, I'll stick with that one.

Let me ask you. What is the worst thing that could possibly happen to you if you write to a girl online? a) she doesnt write you back; or b) she shows your email to a bunch of her friends and after they all laugh at what a tool you are, she writes you back and tries to insult you.

Well guys, you have just witnessed the worst-case scenario of what could happen to you online. And guess what? It's fucking funny!

Not only that, but this guy has now weeded out an immature, uptight girl that has absolutely no sense of humor right from the beginning. Can you imagine dating someone like this? Constantly walking on eggshells evey time you say something for fear you might offend her. NO woman is cute enough to have to endure that.

Teasing from the get-go is also a good test to see if the girl you are writing to is fun and has a sense of humor. If she doesn't, then just move on to the next one. There are SO many women online - no use wasting your time on some ice queen that still hasn't gotten over the fact that she didn't get a bicycle for her seventh birthday.

An important lesson from one of my previous posts is to never be afraid to offend someone. As long as you are coming from a place where you are being playful and not malicious, you will be fine. What someone else thinks about you is none of your business - it's THEIR problem. Remember, this is all supposed to be fun.

Happy dating!

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2007 - ApproachDynamics/Online Dating Edge


Anonymous said...

Let's also remember that not everyone has the same sense of humor... If you are looking for someone who can handle a little sarcasm or playful teasing, such as this, and they bug out-- good thing you "weeded [her] out" (as A.S. put it)! Playful and NOT malicious is the key!! Sometimes things can be misconstrued if you don't know the individual... That being said, don't "walk on eggshells" but be tactful... IMHO, the writer of the email was OBVIOUSLY playing around and the matador had the sense of humor of a kumquat! Keep searching funny man, she's out there!

Anonymous said...

Yes. Let's remember that not all people have the same sense of humor. In fact, the initial matador comment comes off as mean-spirited on first impression.

If you want to get a positive response from someone, then why start off insulting their appearance and opening with sarcasm?

Face it, a lot of women, those with a sense of humor, even, are not into being insulted, or 'teased' as you call it, as a pickup line. I would even venture a guess that most women would probably delete that clumsy, immature attempt at humor, and wouldn't take 2 seconds to type a response.

It doens't matter whether the intent was not malicious, the net result is that you came across that way.

Way to scare em' off! Score one against the evil ice queens of the world...LOL

Anonymous said...

I dont think that comment was mean-spirited at all, especially in light of the rest of the email. But it's also not the greatest way to open an email. I cant envision a situation where a woman getting that message would write someone back saying "yeah, you're right. i look like a dumbass. let's go out". Nonetheless, writing the guy back and calling him names was completely out of line. What are we, six years old?