How to Spot a Gold Digger: Part III of IV - The First Date and Beyond
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This is the third part of a four-part series. Click here for:
How to Spot a Gold Digger: Part I of IV- Introduction
How to Spot a Gold Digger: Part II of IV - The Initial Meeting
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Sometimes you are not going to be able to determine whether you have a gold digger on your hands right away. Here’s a sampling of what to look out for. And by the way, the more you find yourself answering yes to these questions, the bigger a problem you have on your hands.
Planning the First Date:
Once you have set up a first date with her (a ‘first meeting’ for drinks if you met her online), did she seem excited to be seeing you or did she appear to be offended that you chose a café or a pool hall rather than a five-star eatery?
Also, after you set up the date/meeting, did she try and change venue on you to someplace ‘nicer’? If she does, REFUSE and stick to your original plan. See how she reacts. If she ends up flaking on you, congrats! You got off easy! And of course, DO NOT make any more plans with her.
But if it looks like she has a legitimate reason for changing venue (i.e. closer to where she lives), agree to move it to her neighborhood but choose a different place than she suggested. Again, see how she reacts. If it looks like it’s a problem, cancel and throw her number away. Then take some of that money you just saved and let us redo your profile or show you how to approach women!
The First Date:
On the first date/meeting, is she on time? If not, does she apologize and/or offer to buy you a drink? And by the way, NEVER wait more than 20 minutes for anyone.
When the waitress comes, does she order the most expensive drink on the menu? Does she try to hit you up for food, even though you made it clear that you were meeting for drinks? Does she mention money at all? [And by the way, "I don’t care about how much money a guy makes" is girl code for, "if I really didn’t care about money, I wouldn’t have mentioned it in the first place"]. And most importantly, does she make an offer to pay when the check comes (which you will refuse, of course), and did she say "thank you" for treating her?
The First 60 Days of the Relationship:
The first 60-90 days is the real probationary period for any new relationship, as this is the time where you guys are still getting to know each other and most of the ‘rules’ for the relationship are being formed. So here are some things to look out for during this time. Is she constantly expecting you to take her out all the time, or is she just as cool hanging out at home? Does she ever offer to take YOU out anywhere? Does she pay for anything? Does she OFFER to pay for anything? Is she constantly trying to find out how much money you make? Is she obsessed with your job/social status?
Here is the bottom line - would she still be dating you if you were suddenly flat broke, or if you woke up tomorrow and decided you didn’t want to be a lawyer/investment banker/actuary/etc. anymore?
So now that you know how to identify a gold digger, what pre-emptive steps can you take to avoid encountering one of these women in the first place? Well, you’re in luck. Stay tuned for Part IV of our series, How to Spot a Gold Digger - Avoidance.
Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2007 - Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics