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THE PROCESS: HOW TO GO FROM A FIRST CONTACT WITH A WOMAN TO AN IN-PERSON FIRST MEETING






Thursday, January 3, 2008

15 Dating Tips for 2008 - Part 1

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One of the most important things I took from yesterday’s column (other than the information itself) is the fact that there is MUCH more to life than just dating. Even if your game is tight and you have women throwing themselves at your feet, you still need to make sure you have the rest of your life in order if you plan on keeping any of them around. This includes your finances, hobbies, job, living arrangement, friends, your health, and so on.

Every year around this time, I sit down and compile a list of my goals/plans for the coming year. I am not a huge proponent of the ‘New Year's Resolution’ – if you want to give up smoking, go on a diet or join a gym, just do it. You shouldn’t need an arbitrary future date to start going after what you want. However, this IS a good time of the year to assess where you are and where you would like to go.

I have been looking back over the past year’s articles, emails from you guys as well as my own dating life and have come up with a list of dating tips for the coming year. What was originally going to be a Letterman-esque top ten list has turned into 15. So I am going to do this one in two parts. Enjoy!

15 Dating Tips for 2008:

1. If a woman flakes on plans for your first meeting, get rid of her. If this is how she is making a first impression, you can only imagine what’s to come in the future. I had a situation this year where I (reluctantly) agreed to reschedule after a girl cancelled plans on me an hour before we were supposed to meet – and ended up having a really good time. However, after we made plans to hang out the next week, she flaked on me again last minute. Lesson learned.

2. Nothing matters until you meet in person. This is why it is so important to get to a first meeting as quickly as possible. Having a great ‘connection’ online or on the phone is meaningless until you see each other face to face. I can't tell you the amount of times I used to think I had found ‘the one’ online, only to be utterly disappointed when we actually met.

3. Don't rush into things too quickly with a woman you like. Even if the two of you hit it off from the get-go, try and keep the pace slow. Rushing into a relationship will inevitably lead to burnout. Remember, a relationship is a marathon, not a sprint.

4. Avoid going on group dates early on. For the first 60 - 90 days of the relationship, make your dates just you and her. There will be plenty of time for you to meet each other's friends once you have survived that critical early period and become a couple.



5. Even if you have an excellent first date, you are not yet home free. I had a first meeting this summer which ended up going until 3am (with both of us having work the next morning). However, when I tried to make plans to hang out again, I discovered she was a total psycho. Perhaps one day I’ll post the text messages…

6. Be careful of shit tests from women. There is plenty of material out there on how to pass them (which you should definitely learn how to do), but you still need to decide for yourself whether it is worth the trouble in the long run. While testing from women is to be expected, some women take the process a little bit too far. Decide for yourself how much you would be willing to tolerate and avoid women that go beyond that. NEVER sacrifice your overall comfort level for a woman - NO woman is cute enough to have to endure a constant barrage of judging.

7. If a girl writes to you online, and you are pretty certain you're not going to be interested in her, don't waste everyone’s time by writing her back. Just move on.

8. NEVER accept “definitely maybe" plans. When you call a woman to make plans, make sure that you hang up with a definite date, time and place to meet. Do not put yourself in a situation where you have to “call her back and confirm" prior to meeting. If she says anything along lines of “give me a call earlier that day so we can confirm that were still on,” tell her that you don't like to make maybe plans and that when you make plans you stick to them and there should not be any reason you should have to call and confirm that day. If she likes you, she will appreciate that you are being decisive and will agree to meet.

However, if she pushes the matter further, she is telling you that she has low interest in meeting you and she is going to let you hang until something better comes along. Just cancel on the spot. You should never put yourself in a situation where you are wondering whether or not she is going to show.

Tomorrow - Tips 9-15

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2008 - All rights reserved
Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

I diagree. Experience has taught me you DO NOT want to show up early before her. You want her to show up first. There's multiple reasons for this...

-If she flakes on you or is late you sit there like an idiot wasting time out of your day. Instead, call her around the meet up time and ask her how far away she is, that way you will know whether she's going to show up and when. If she says she's already there or close, then you can say "Cool, I'll be there in 10, grab us a table." If she totally forgot about your meet up or gives you an excuse that she can't meet up, then you can say, "Oh thank god, I'm down in (location) and totally forgot we were supposed to meet up. We'll make it happen another time, have a good day, bye."

-Letting her get there first sub-communicates that YOU are the prize, and you're a super busy guy with a full life.

-Letting her get there first and wait for you a few minutes works HUGELY toward your advantage. By nature it's uncomfortable being alone in a social environment...it's good to let her feel this so when you show up she'll be that much more thrilled to see you. Now those feelings will be anchored, so if you leave to go to the bathroom those feelings will return and she will feel uncomfortable without you around.

Alex said...

Have you guys completely lost all regard for respect and chivalry??? It's not especially polite to keep a lady waiting. But more importantly, how about both parties aim to show up -- here's a novel idea, ON-TIME??? And if u have the unfortunate luck to arrive before her, it merely shows that u have respect and courtesy for her (and your) time. With the right girl, it makes a great impression. Enough of these bull shit games about who should show up first, etc. Because you also risk the chance of her sitting at the bar, while she waits for you to *finally* show up, and another guy chatting her up. She may not even notice when you waltz in.