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Sunday, September 14, 2008

A Response to, "So, Tell Me Everything I know About You"

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In today's (September 14, 2008) Sunday Styles Section this weeks "Modern Love" piece by Joanna Pearson there's much to discuss. I'll try and keep this pithy, but who knows where it will go.

The piece begins like this: "SEVERAL years ago when I was living in Washington, I met a man the old-fashioned way: tipsily, in a bar. Then I ruined my chances with him the new-fashioned way. I Googled him." I'm not entirely sure that googling him is what ruined it. I think it may have been her views on dating and a touch of low self esteem.

Through out the article Ms. Pearson seems to display a disdain for dating, and some seemingly low self esteem issues. Here's a case in point regarding dating, "[the]dating scene was more about networking than fun." Is the entire dating scene this way? Or just the scenes you chose to frequent, Ms. Pearson?

Now to what I find more interesting, the low self esteem issues. For ease of reading I'll list them:

1. "...a very tall and lanky guy who was looking my way. I checked to the right and left, but no — he was looking at me. This was not what I expected attractive guys to do." Why wouldn't you expect this? Do you not consider yourself to be attractive? Maybe you feel most guys are afraid to show interest, let alone strike up a conversation?

2. "I am also tall... (Not just tall, but somewhere between the most alien-looking runway model and the Statue of Liberty.)" Boy, you sure like knocking yourself. Sure many guys are intimidated by height, but you are making yourself out to be a freak. I bet your a nice looking woman. Be more positive about yourself!

3. "...cool-looking couples held long-stemmed glasses in their slender hands..." Do you not fit in? Why not? Do you have man hands? Pointing out how nice others look makes me think that you think little of yourself.

4. "The three glasses of wine I downed in quick succession did not ease my nerves so much as muddy my short-term memory." Nothing like a drunk girls with low self esteem. Let's learn from her mistake (you can read the article to find out how she embarrasses herself).

The article tells of how she googled her date, learned too much about him, and was scared away by how great he seemed. She felt as though she was not qualified to be with him. This guy didn't even have to use qualifying questions to make her realize he was the prize. She did it to herself. Joanna ends her article with this: "Nowadays, my advice to friends is: never Google a date. No Facebook, MySpace or Technorati, either."

I totally disagree. Unless you have low self esteem and can't handle it, checking out google is a smart thing to do. But there is truth that Ms. Pearson suggests earlier in the article, "Often when you Google someone, you get nothing, or else simply a name twin. Sometimes you get a nice little geeky history." The only reason googling was a bad idea for Ms. Pearson, in my opinion, is her low self esteem. Check out our article on googling a date.

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2008 - All rights reserved
Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Facebook Slang - 'Defacing'

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Here is a term I recently came across on Urbandictionary.com

Deface:

To remove a 'friendship' from facebook due to having either accidentally adding him/her as a friend or actually adding them and reconsidering later.

"Yeah, there was this guy in my network who added me. I thought he looked ok, but his updates were really cramping my news feed, so I had to deface him."

"I went on a date with a girl I met a week before and like the day after our date she changed her status to 'in a relationship.' I defaced her."


For some reason, many people seem to revert back to the sixth grade when it comes to being 'defaced.' They take it personally when someone removes them from their Facebook page - regardless of the reason.

Here are some of the people I have defaced recently, and my reasons for doing it:

1. I removed an acquaintance for excessively complaining about her life and/or her various physical ailments in her status updates. I am thinking about setting her up with a guy I know that does the same exact thing (as it turns out, they are both single!). NOT COOL.
2. A guy I detested from high school that kept asking me to add him. After three rejections, I finally relented and let him on. I then waited a week and removed him.
3. A girl I met on JDate and went out with once. Not really sure why she was there in the first place. We had no people in common, didn't speak anymore and I had no interest in re-connecting. CYA!

Guys, just remember that removing someone from your Facebook page is irreversible - and if it is a significant person (woman you just broke up with, friend you are in a fight with, someone you don't like but is well connected, etc.), it will be discussed in the various gossip mills. You could also face potential embarassment and/or groveling if you want to re-add them later, as you then have to ask them to approve you all over again.

From a dating perspective, the best way to avoid having to 'deface' someone is to not add people you just started seeing (i.e. met online, went out once) - make them earn it! Use it as a wager, perhaps?

Also, realize the finality of removing an ex from your profile before deciding to do so. You will look like a total douche if you change your mind and want her back later.

Good luck!

Chemistry.com

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2008 - All rights reserved
Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics

Saturday, September 6, 2008

RANDOM POST: DISCOUNT FOR ONLINEDATINGEDGE READERS!

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A buddy of ours decided to give our loyal readers a nice Post Labor Day gift, 10% off from both his websites, until September 12, 2008.

For small orders go to: SPINNINGDISCDIRECT
To get the 10% off write "APPROACH" in the message box!

For larger orders ("wholesale" $99+ purchased) go to: SPINNINGDISCONLINE
To get the 10% off write "APPROACH" in the coupon box!

He's got all kinds of classic movies (including a pretty cool James Bond Box set)and lots of porn (if you like that sort of thing).

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2008 - All rights reserved
Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics

Friday, September 5, 2008

"Best Cities For Singles" according to Forbes

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Forbes has put out it's annual Top 40 Cities For Singles. Here are the Top 11:

1. Atlanta
2. San Francisco
3. Dallas
4. Minneapolis
5. Washington D.C.
6. Seattle
7. Boston
8. New York City
9. Orlando
10. Phoenix
11. Chicago

Check out the article for the rest of the list and how the rankings were determined.

So if you live in one of these cities, and even if you don't, get out there and start meeting people! Having trouble approaching women? Give us a shout. No luck online? Get your online dating profile and photos in order. There are countless articles on this website helping you figure out how to do that. Or if you'd like, drop us a line and we'll help you with whatever you need.

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2008 - All rights reserved
Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics