For more information about our services, including online dating profile rewrites and critiques, live workshops on approaching women and starting conversations as well as private coaching sessions, click here.
Now available from Online Dating Edge...

THE PROCESS: HOW TO GO FROM A FIRST CONTACT WITH A WOMAN TO AN IN-PERSON FIRST MEETING






Thursday, January 31, 2008

Dinner on a First Date?

For more information about our services, including assistance with online dating profile writing, as well as workshops and seminars on approaching women and starting conversations, click here.

Join Free!
********

Don’t even think about it.

It kills me how unoriginal some guys are when it comes to planning a date. How are you going to stand out from the last five guys she dated if you are doing the same things they did?

But before we get down to business, I want to point out that by 'first date,' I am referring to the first time you are out with a woman you have already met in person. If this is someone you met online, your 'First Meeting' should be for drinks in a place where you can bail if the other person is a total weirdo. Of course, you are free to change venue if things are working out.

Now let’s look at some of the reasons that going to dinner for a first date is a bad idea:

1. The dinner date has been grossly overdone and is disgustingly cliché – Ask any of your female friends how many times guys have taken her on a ‘dinner and a movie’ date (a movie, by the way, is the only first date idea WORSE than dinner – how can you get to know someone while staring at a screen for 2 hours?). A dinner date lumps you into the same category as every other chode she has been out with. Be different! A quick Google search should give you PLENTY of creative ideas for a first date.

2. It is unnecessarily expensive - One thing I have learned from the 2 or 3 dates I have been on in the last 10 years is that there is absolutely no correlation between how much money I have spent on a date and how much fun we had. In fact, if anything, there is an INVERSE relationship.

Now by no means am I saying for you to be cheap – quite the contrary. But I see no reason to needlessly waste extra money on an activity that is not going to yield you positive results in return.

And then there is the gold-digger factor. Women who are truly interested in you could care less where you guys go for a date – it’s all about the company. But gold-diggers, professional daters (those that will only go out with you because they have nothing better to do that night) and other losers expect to be compensated for their time.

You need to weed out those women out ASAP before they make your life a living hell - and an expensive restaurant is NOT the place to do it. They will be offended by your offer of a bowling/pool date and flake on you - but this is a good thing!

My mentor Doc Love once said, “If women stopped going out with guys they weren’t interested in, half the restaurants in town would go out of business.” He couldn't be more right.



3. It restricts your ability to interact with her - You are sitting across a table from one another. There are probably a number of dishes, glasses and other items in between the two of you. If the place is noisy, you have to lean in to hear each other. How are you supposed to gague her body language under these conditions? If she is laughing at one of your jokes, how is she supposed to tap you on the arm? How can you start a thumb-wrestling match or show her the Beer Trick if you are too far away? Restaurants are a obstacle, not an asset, for a first date.

4. It can be perceived as manipulative - Assuming you have chosen an emotionally healthy woman with good morals, the more expensive the restaurant, the more she will wonder what is wrong with you that you have to spend all this money to try and impress her. And if she doesn't like you, she will then start to feel guilty about you paying for everything. Then she will start to wonder if you going to be expecting any 'return' on your investment, which will creep her out even more. Let's not forget our buddy Darren from JDate.

5. It sets up the wrong overall ‘vibe’ for your interaction with her - Rather than just being two people enjoying each other's company while trying to get to know one another, this type of situation puts her into 'date' mode with all the accompanying features (trying to qualify you, holding back physical intimacy, etc.).

It also sets a bad precedent. If you dropped 100 dollars on date one, you have now set a benchmark in her mind. If date 2 is a lot less expensive (unless you have found the err of your ways and come up with something ultra-creative), she may start to wonder if you were just showing off the last time you were out.

So what to do instead?

Do something interactive. Bowling, pool, darts, foosball or a bar with board games is always a good place to start. How about a museum? Or the zoo? Or if you REALLY want to score some points, show her that you are the first guy in the history of mankind that actually listened to her, and take her somewhere she said she enjoys.

And if you ABSOLUTELY feel the need to acquire some nourishment while out, make it seem like it is spur of the moment. "Hey, I'm STARVING. There is a good [Italian, Mexican, Viking] restaurant not too far from here... join me."

Happy Dating!

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2008 - All rights reserved
Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics


Monday, January 28, 2008

Esquire Magazine's "What She Really Wants"

For more information about our services, including assistance with writing a captivating online dating profile, as well as workshps and seminars on how to approach women, click here.

Chemistry.com
********

What She Really Wants

Is giving up your seat a show of respect or an act of outdated chauvinism? A panel of actual women tell all!

Have you ever found yourself entering a building and wondering whether you should hold the door for that woman approximately 10 feet behind you? Or sitting on the subway and trying to decide whether it would be appropriate to give up your seat for that cute girl that just got on? You're not alone.

In this day and age, that fine line between being a gentleman and looking like a jackass has become more and more hazy. A lot of guys truly want to do the right thing - they just don't know what it is. And complicating matters more is the fact that there is very little information out there on how to handle these situations.

Esquire magazine has recently come out with a brilliant article that attempts to answer these and other questions. This is one of those Cosmo-like articles for guys, but it's actually well worth the thirty-second read.

Also note that any of these situations can lead to openings for conversation - except maybe a woman crying.

Funny story about a crying woman though. About a week or so ago, while in San Diego, I jumped out of my car to give the person waiting for my spot a parking permit that had time remaining on it. Figured I'd do the nice thing and save them ten or fifteen bucks.

I offer the permit and realize the driver is a sobbing hottie. She proceeds to tell me how her boyfriend just dumped her (we just met and I'm her therapist?) and she was going out with some friends. I could have taken advantage of this, but I'm a nice guy and was in a rush. I gave her the ticket and she offered me half of what was left on it. I responded, "No thanks, have a better night," and walked away.

Chivalry or stupidity?

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2008 - All rights reserved
Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics

Alibris
[Use coupon code CALVINO to save $2 on $20 by 2/21/08 or CHEAPEST $4 off $40+ by 02/07/08 or COLLEGE $6 off $60+ by 02/07/08 or USEDTEXTBOOKS $10 off $100+ by 02/07/08!!!!!!!!!! ]

Thursday, January 24, 2008

8 First Date Tips for Women (or Men)

For more information about our services, including online dating profile rewrites and critiques, as well as live approach workshops, click here.



While surfing through the cyber world, I happened upon this article:

8 First Date Tips for Women
First dates are all about getting to the second date. Here's how to make him fall all over himself for a second date with you
By Lauren Frances

I figured ok, lets see what the other side is thinking. Guess what? We are thinking the same thing! Here is a brief run-down of her tips:

Tip 1. Don't be negative. Remember, this should be fun.
Tip 2. Don't get tipsy. (Read: Fraternity days are gone- goodbye "Frank the Tank")
Tip 3. Don't talk about exes.
Tip 4. Be confident. Confidence breeds success.
Tip 5. Keep your issues to yourself. Your date is not your therapist!
Tip 6. Don't chase him or her.
Tip 7. Don't yap for the sake of yapping.
Tip 8. If things are not up to snuff, get out gracefully. (Read: don't be a jerk)

For the most part, this is pretty good advice. However, I do have an issue with #6, where the author states, 'Don't chase your date. Never deprive a man of the thrill of the chase.'

While as a guy, you should always be initiating, it is nice to get some sort of an indicator of interest every once in a while from the woman - whether it be a simple text message, phone call or e-mail. For a woman to "entice men, play with them, and release them" may send a false signal to the guy that she is not interested - which could result in a guy prematurely backing off.

Bottom line - if you are a woman interested in a guy, let him initiate -- but at the same time, don't act too aloof. You may scare him off. As a guy, if you're interested in a woman, take the lead and call her up for another date. If she is not interested, she will let you know.

But remember the truest point of all, as we have said many times before... DATING SHOULD BE FUN! If you are not having fun on your dates, you are doing something wrong.

Happy dating!

Chemistry.com

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2008 - All rights reserved
Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics

Friday, January 18, 2008

Signs a Woman is Interested in You

For more information about our services, including online dating profile rewrites and critiques, as well as live approach workshops, click here.

With Stephen and I on our way to San Diego, here's Michelle Hill with her take on how you can tell if a woman is interested in you. Look for my response in the next day or so...

********
So, you’re out on a first date with a girl, and for the life of you, you can’t figure out if she’s into you or not. Sound familiar? If it does, let me apologize on behalf of women out there like myself who aren’t very good at sending the classic signals (or in Mystery terms, “indicators of interest”) that guys use to read a woman.

I’ll be the first to admit it – it can me a little while to feel comfortable around people sometimes. So while I may be interested, I’m not always quite sure how to demonstrate that. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve still done okay, but I’ve been told on more than one occasion by boyfriends that they had no clue if I was interested on the first date.

To fill in the gaps, here are some clues to look for that will give some indication that she digs you and wants to go out again:

- She spends more than an hour and a half with you
- She changes location with you
- She leans in towards you or stands close to you (anything increasing the proximity is good)
- She gives you her full attention (and is not looking at anyone or everyone who walks by)
- She comes back from the bathroom with her hair freshly combed / makeup reapplied / top button undone (you get the idea)
- At the end of the night, there is some awkward maneuvering when saying good night (i.e. she’s not clear if you’re going to kiss her on the cheek or the lips or give her a hug or what, but she wants you to do something)
- After the date, she contacts you in ANY way, shape or form – text, email, phone call (doesn’t matter what she says)

I know this is not the ideal situation and that it would be much easier if we all just said, “by the way, I’m into you”, but nothing is ever that simple. And let’s face it; the guessing game can be half the fun. But, hopefully I’ve given you some guidance to figuring out those enigmatic women like myself.

-Michelle Hill
********
Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2008 - All rights reserved
Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics

Monday, January 14, 2008

Online Dating: The Use of Qualifying Questions

For more information about our services, including online dating profile rewrites and critiques, as well as live approach workshops, click here.

I am almost afraid to give this one away.

One thing that has propelled my success online (other than changing my job description) is the use of creative, informative questions that help you really get to know a woman.

Women are sick and tired of guys asking them the same retarded questions about where they are from, where they went to school, etc. Get creative!

Other than our presentation in Boston last summer, I have yet to see anyone address this stuff - until now. Here is a great article from Yahoo Personals entitled, Great questions for sparking online conversations.'

In the article, author Rad Dewey (with Jaime Rodriguez, Jr.) gives actual, word for word examples of questions you can use immediately with women online. These include the following:

1. If our moms were setting us up on a blind date, what three things would your mom tell mine about you?

2. What's your favorite beach in the world?

3. What's the next country you want to visit?

4. What one thing are you craving today?

5. What CDs are in your car or home stereo right now?

6. What are three of your guilty pleasures?

7. What was the last book you read? Did you enjoy it?

8. What is must-see TV for you?

9. If you met the right person, how many children would you have?

(Dewey, Rad. "Great questions for sparking online conversations." Yahoo Personals, 2007. See above for URL link).

Now ideally, you are going to want to come up with your own questions - but these are definitely a good start. I tested the first one out yesterday and got a 169 word response - to that question alone!

But do yourself a favor and stick to the author's suggestions. A lot of people chimed in at the bottom with questions they use, and most of them are either too situation-specific or just flat out suck.

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2008 - All rights reserved
Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics

Friday, January 11, 2008

A Simple Bar Trick: A Bottle and a Lighter

For more information about our services, including online dating profile rewrites and critiques, as well as live approach workshops, click here.

Lavalife White - GoLavalife.com


We've brought up the use of simple "magic tricks" in a few previous posts. Here is a great bar trick to try next time you are out. It's so simple and works well for initiating conversation or for keeping one going. It's really easy to do, but save yourself from any embarrassment and practice it first before you do it in public. Stay tuned for other cool tricks and "magic"...

Lighter and Beer Bottle:



Stephen David & Alexander Stone
Copyright 2008 - All rights reserved
Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics

Tuesday, January 8, 2008

Why 90% of Men Fail at Online Dating

For more information about our services, including online dating profile rewrites and critiques, live workshops on approaching women and starting conversations as well as private coaching sessions, click here.

I recently came across an article entitled, “Why 90% Of Men Give Up Online Dating Within 3 Months,” by Jason King. Although the article is somewhat basic in nature, King does bring up some good points as to why many guys get nowhere with online dating.

First off, guys have absolute no business sending flirts – unless, of course, you want to let the woman know you have absolutely no balls. Suck it up and send an email.

Next, take some time and work on your profile. If you show a woman that you are taking this seriously, you will reap the benefits. If you want, we will be happy to either critique your existing profile or write you one from scratch.

Finally, make sure you include some photos. Profiles without photos are automatically passed over by virtually all serious online daters. If you don’t have a picture attached to your profile, you might as well not even bother to post it – this goes for women as well.

The key is to make sure you are NOT one of the more than 90% of guys that are complete failures when it comes to online dating. A little effort is all it takes to stand out from the crowd.

Happy dating!

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2008 - All rights reserved
Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics

Sunday, January 6, 2008

Jay Leno On Online Dating

For more information about our services, including online dating profile rewrites and critiques, as well as live approach workshops, click here.

moli_general_120x90
"What was originally going to be a Letterman-esque top ten list has turned into 15." We attempted to be pithy in our "Top 10," which we had to increase by 50%. We went from succinct, to verbose. Well, here's another good reminder - Don't misrepresent yourself, either in your description/essays or in your photo. You are who you are. There is always a way to put a positive spin or light, without lying (just ask any politician).

Jay Leno reminded us of profile misrepresentation (we have done other articles where we discuss this problem). Here is a quote from The Tonight Show with Jay Leno, from November 1, 2007:

"A 24-year-old hospital worker from Teaneck, N.J., has been arrested for having sex with the corpse of a 92-year-old woman. Well, in his defense, he claims she looked a lot better in her online photo."

If you have a funny story related to misrepresentation, post a comment and let us know.

Lavalife White - GoLavalife.com

By the way, if you are an avid reader of books, magazines, newspapers, or blogs, check out the "Kindle". Cool new gadget.

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2008 - All rights reserved
Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics

Thursday, January 3, 2008

15 Dating Tips for 2008 - Part 2

For more information about our services, including online dating profile rewrites and critiques, as well as live approach workshops, click here.

moli_view_120x90 moli_general_120x90

Here is the second half of our 15 dating tips for 2008. For Part 1, click here.

15 Dating Tips for 2008 (Part 2):

9. Don’t do anything expensive on a first meeting, especially if you're going out with somebody you met online. Coffee or tea work great. If you like, agree to meet at a place where there are other things close by you can move to if the date is going well (i.e. bowling alley, pool hall, etc.). If, for whatever reason, you are worried about getting suckered into taking her to dinner, meet later in the evening (i.e. 8pm) and casually mention that you already ate.

10. Ever wonder how you can tell if a woman is interested in you? KISS HER. ALWAYS go for a kiss at the end of the first date. If it is a girl you met online, the first meeting does not necessarily count as a ‘first date,’ and in that case, make sure you go for a kiss by the end of the second meeting. If she does not kiss you back, get rid of her. This is a clear sign that she is not interested and you are wasting your time.

11. Even a bad date can yield some positive results. I was out with someone earlier this year – Harvard MBA, top exec at a Fortune 100 company, blah blah blah. In between the drill-sergeant/job interview questions (including my favorite – ‘do you own or rent?’), she gave me the name of a kick-ass improv class which I ended up taking. She also made a compelling argument for quitting your job and going back to grad school full-time rather than part-time – which I took into consideration when I made the move this past summer. Not bad for a 45 minute date which cost me less than 20 bucks. And in case you were wondering, I didn’t answer ANY of her stupid questions.

12. Always have a stupid answer ready for any stupid questions she may throw at you. Check out our recent article for some help on how to answer the dreaded ‘What do you do?’ question.

13. When it comes to dating, a little spontaneity is always good – but make sure you set a time limit on it. A well-placed, “drinks tonite?’ text message or email can work wonders – as long as you don’t put yourself in a position where you are now stuck waiting for her response. Make sure you add something along the lines of, “This message will self-destruct in 2 hours.”

14. Dating is not done in a vacuum and people are not robots (well… you know what I mean). There will be situations where it may be okay to ‘violate’ one of the above rules. But this only comes with practice. In the meantime, don’t beat yourself up if you make a mistake – you will. Just learn from it and get it right the next time.

15. Remember guys – THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE FUN. If you are not enjoying your dating life, you are doing something wrong. Feel free to drop us an email if you have any questions about anything, or if you like, take advantage of our profile rewriting services or one of our live approach workshops.

American Express American Express American Express

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2008 - All rights reserved
Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics

15 Dating Tips for 2008 - Part 1

For more information about our services, including online dating profile rewrites and critiques, as well as live approach workshops, click here.

One of the most important things I took from yesterday’s column (other than the information itself) is the fact that there is MUCH more to life than just dating. Even if your game is tight and you have women throwing themselves at your feet, you still need to make sure you have the rest of your life in order if you plan on keeping any of them around. This includes your finances, hobbies, job, living arrangement, friends, your health, and so on.

Every year around this time, I sit down and compile a list of my goals/plans for the coming year. I am not a huge proponent of the ‘New Year's Resolution’ – if you want to give up smoking, go on a diet or join a gym, just do it. You shouldn’t need an arbitrary future date to start going after what you want. However, this IS a good time of the year to assess where you are and where you would like to go.

I have been looking back over the past year’s articles, emails from you guys as well as my own dating life and have come up with a list of dating tips for the coming year. What was originally going to be a Letterman-esque top ten list has turned into 15. So I am going to do this one in two parts. Enjoy!

15 Dating Tips for 2008:

1. If a woman flakes on plans for your first meeting, get rid of her. If this is how she is making a first impression, you can only imagine what’s to come in the future. I had a situation this year where I (reluctantly) agreed to reschedule after a girl cancelled plans on me an hour before we were supposed to meet – and ended up having a really good time. However, after we made plans to hang out the next week, she flaked on me again last minute. Lesson learned.

2. Nothing matters until you meet in person. This is why it is so important to get to a first meeting as quickly as possible. Having a great ‘connection’ online or on the phone is meaningless until you see each other face to face. I can't tell you the amount of times I used to think I had found ‘the one’ online, only to be utterly disappointed when we actually met.

3. Don't rush into things too quickly with a woman you like. Even if the two of you hit it off from the get-go, try and keep the pace slow. Rushing into a relationship will inevitably lead to burnout. Remember, a relationship is a marathon, not a sprint.

4. Avoid going on group dates early on. For the first 60 - 90 days of the relationship, make your dates just you and her. There will be plenty of time for you to meet each other's friends once you have survived that critical early period and become a couple.



5. Even if you have an excellent first date, you are not yet home free. I had a first meeting this summer which ended up going until 3am (with both of us having work the next morning). However, when I tried to make plans to hang out again, I discovered she was a total psycho. Perhaps one day I’ll post the text messages…

6. Be careful of shit tests from women. There is plenty of material out there on how to pass them (which you should definitely learn how to do), but you still need to decide for yourself whether it is worth the trouble in the long run. While testing from women is to be expected, some women take the process a little bit too far. Decide for yourself how much you would be willing to tolerate and avoid women that go beyond that. NEVER sacrifice your overall comfort level for a woman - NO woman is cute enough to have to endure a constant barrage of judging.

7. If a girl writes to you online, and you are pretty certain you're not going to be interested in her, don't waste everyone’s time by writing her back. Just move on.

8. NEVER accept “definitely maybe" plans. When you call a woman to make plans, make sure that you hang up with a definite date, time and place to meet. Do not put yourself in a situation where you have to “call her back and confirm" prior to meeting. If she says anything along lines of “give me a call earlier that day so we can confirm that were still on,” tell her that you don't like to make maybe plans and that when you make plans you stick to them and there should not be any reason you should have to call and confirm that day. If she likes you, she will appreciate that you are being decisive and will agree to meet.

However, if she pushes the matter further, she is telling you that she has low interest in meeting you and she is going to let you hang until something better comes along. Just cancel on the spot. You should never put yourself in a situation where you are wondering whether or not she is going to show.

Tomorrow - Tips 9-15

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2008 - All rights reserved
Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics

Wednesday, January 2, 2008

Ten things learned (or at least was reminded of) this past year

For more information about our services, including online dating profile rewrites and critiques, as well as live approach workshops, click here.

moli_view_120x90
The latest in entertainment, contests and music. Moli.com. Free and easy sign up.

Here's a quick list of 10 things (not a top 10, just 10 that came to mind) we learned or were reminded of this past year. May you live and learn all you can in 2008. Happy New Year!

1. Kenny Rogers once said, "You got to know when to hold'em, now when to fold'em. Know when to walk away, know when to run." This can be applied to dating. You not only want to find the right person, you need to know when someone is the wrong person. If you are unhappy with any aspect of your life. Work to fix it or make a change. But be cautious, SOME THINGS CAN'T BE FIXED- no matter how badly we'd like them to be.

Which brings up an interesting article:

Is it better to be the breaker-upper or the dumpee? With so much attention being paid to those poor people dumped every year, no one ever takes time to think about what it's like to be the dumper. Hardly an enviable position, the decision to break up with someone can breed feelings of guilt, paralysis and depression.
To alleviate some of this anxiety, here's a list of 5 questions to ask yourself before you give someone the boot.
Question 1: Has There Been a Major Change in My Life?
Question 2: What's My Happiness Ratio?
Question 3: Is He/She Abusive?
Question 4: Have I Expressed My Frustration?
Question 5: Am I Willing to Work at It?
from Elina Furman's article: The Breakup Test: 5 Questions to Ask Before Giving 'Em the Boot


2. Always give back. Make a difference. Try donating to a charity. If you give already and you want to try something new, try Kiva.org. If you gave already and want to try something new (and want to make a profit) try Prosper.com.

3. I realized that my JetBlue frequent flier miles were expiring and I was getting nothing for them. I signed up for their credit card and now they'll last "forever". Get ready for takeoff. 50 TrueBlue® points with the first purchase on your card.

4. Family is the most important thing in the world.

5. Women rock. Like I even needed a reminder! Although I was reminded of this great quote, "Women, can't live with'em. Pass the beer nuts." -Norm Peterson

6. Read Tuesdays With Morrie and Life's Little Instruction Book. Here's a New Years Present: A $2 off code for Alibris (code expires 1/12/08: HAPPY2008)
Alibris

7. Never burn bridges and always try your best.

8. It doesn't matter what other people think.

9. You shouldn't fall in love with a stock. Take your profits.

10. Starting a business is a challenge, but also a lot of fun.

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2008 - All rights reserved
Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics

Tuesday, January 1, 2008

What Has Happened to David Hasselhoff?

For more information about our services, including online dating profile rewrites and critiques, as well as live approach workshops, click here.



If you grew up in the 80s, you knew who defined "coolness"- David "the Hoff" Hasselhoff. Let's face it - he drove a cool car, fought crime and had hotties all over him. He then went on to do Baywatch and some people still thought he was cool. I personally saw him as a lucky old guy surrounded by babes in bikinis and bathing suits that didn't fit right (read: FIT PERFECTLY). Now he's a sad drunk? Hope he's pulled his life together.

David "Michael Knight" Hasselhoff in his prime:


Recently:


Why the article on Hasselhoff? Well, a new Knight Rider is coming out on NBC in February so I had to reminisce. Popular Mechanics even did an article comparing the old KITT and the new KITT! Geeky? Yes, but I read it anyway.

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2007 - All rights reserved
Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics