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Now available from Online Dating Edge...

THE PROCESS: HOW TO GO FROM A FIRST CONTACT WITH A WOMAN TO AN IN-PERSON FIRST MEETING






Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Fight Over a Woman? Don't Be THAT Giraffe!

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We've seen it before... Two chodes trying to claim their dominance and win "fair maiden's" heart. Word of advice, don't act like a giraffe.
They seem so docile, but throw a woman in the mix.... it has bad written all over it. More lessons from the animal kingdom later.




Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2007 - All rights reserved
Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics

Sunday, September 23, 2007

Woman Smashes Cans With Her Boobs [video]

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Here is my rant for the day:

If a buddy of yours mentions that he hooked up with an Asian girl, please try to come up with a more creative response than, “Did she love you LONG TIME?”

Ok, now let’s watch a woman smash cans with her boobs...



Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2007 - All rights reserved
Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics

Friday, September 21, 2007

Dating Older Women [article]

For more information about our services, including online dating profile rewrites and critiques, as well as live approach workshops, click here.

For you guys out there interested in older women, here is an article from CNN.com entitled, Older women and younger men: Can it work?

And for those of you in the New York City area, a GREAT spot to go Cougar hunting is Wine and Roses on the Upper West Side. Yours truly has been know to drop in there on occasion...

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2007 - All rights reserved
Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Showing Off a Dumb Talent [video]

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Using your talents can help you land a chick. Magic, music, art, athletics...

But here’s a talent you might want to keep to yourself:



From the Steve Harvey Show. Courtesy of YouTube.

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2007 - All rights reserved
Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics

Monday, September 17, 2007

Flaky Women: Question From a Reader

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Alexander,

If a girl i met online leaves me a voicemail less than an hour before we are supposed to meet for the first time flaking on me, do I owe her the courtesy of a callback acknowledging I got her message?

********MY COMMENTS********

NO.

You don't owe her ANYTHING.

An hour before you are supposed to meet? Are you kidding me?

If you are anything like me, by this point you have already turned down several other offers for plans, shined your shoes and have made sure the place you are going to has a good table waiting for you. Hell of a way to make a first impression, eh?

Anyone who does this last minute is telling you that they are incapable of keeping their word and have absolutely no consideration for other people's time.

I have been giving our previous article on this topic some more thought, and I am feeling more and more comfortable with my gut reaction to just get rid of her (unless, of course, it is something serious like a death in her family or she got mauled by a woodpecker).

The last time someone cancelled on me last minute, I called her back and said in my voicemail, "Yeah, no worries. You ACTUALLY ended up doing me a really big favor." But I said it in such a way that she couldnt tell if I was referring to her or something else.

NEVER sound pissed in your message. You don't want to let her know that she got to you.

That's how I handle it. But again, I dont think a callback is compulsory under these circumstances.

Now if you REALLY want to have some fun with her, don't call her back, and then send her an email later that night apologizing for flaking on HER.

Tell her your phone died and you couldn't make it because something came up (pick ANYTHING), and you are sorry you did not have any way to get in touch with her. Apologize profusely, tell her you hope she wasn't waiting too long and ask her if there is any way you can make it up to her.

See how she reacts. Always good fun!

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2007 - All rights reserved
Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Online Dating: Dating Multiple People

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Here is an article from MSN entitled, 'Dating Around Online', by Evan Marc Katz. In his article, Katz lists five "techniques" for successfully dating multiple women online.

The third paragraph of his article describes me to a tee:
"I found myself corresponding with ten women simultaneously, speaking on the phone to five, and going out with three with regularity." Guys, once you get your profiles in order, this type of scenario is easily attainable.

Now while I agree wholeheartedly with his first two 'techniques' (Dont Ask, Dont Tell & Make Your Date Feel Special), his final three ideas leave a lot to be desired.

His first idea, "Dont ask, don't tell", is self-explanatory (and COMMON SENSE). When it comes to other women (other than mom, of course), KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT. Just as it is none of her business who YOU are dating, it is none of your business who SHE may be dating (at least at the beginning).

I'll make it simple for you. Yes, she is dating other guys - and this is a GOOD thing. This way she will see what a great guy you are (as compared to the other chodes out there), and she will not be wondering 'what-if?' when you guys end up dating long-term.

The second concept, "Make your date feel special" is also common sense. Check out our article on "Online Dating: The First Meeting" for some tips on how to pull this off.

Now here is where Katz's article starts to go astray...

Katz's third point, "Know that the rules change once you get physical," is a bit off-kilter. Actually, the rules don't change until you WANT them to (i.e. you decide to date this girl more seriously or it's time to move on). Getting physical does not necessarily have anything to do with that.

His next suggestion, "Take your date’s relationship goals into account," is confusing. Just how is a guy supposed to know what is going on in the mind of a woman anyway? As long as you are not leading her on and she is clear where you stand, this is not your problem.

To put it another way, if you are looking for a casual relationship, but are calling her every day, introducing her to your friends and family and inviting her out on Saturday nights, then you are a jerk (and not in the good, 'attractive' way).

Additionally, if she makes her intentions clear to you and you do not feel the same way, then you have an obligation to tell her and let her go. Don't lead women on - it's not cool.

The article's final 'tip' is that, "If your date asks, tell the truth."

Heh? What?

What happened to Don't Ask, Don't Tell?

If a woman asks you if you are seeing other people, you have two options as to how to respond:

1. "Not too many... how many women are YOU seeing?", or
2. "THOUSANDS"

and then CHANGE THE SUBJECT.

Deflect, and diffuse with humor.

NEVER answer this question - there is no 'right' answer you can give here. Too many, and you are a player. Too few, and she will think she has you in her back pocket.

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2007 - All rights reserved
Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

The Pick-Up Artist: A Debate

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Here's Michelle Hill with her take on that new VH1 show, 'The Pick-Up Artist.' Be sure to see our comments below...

*********
Some of you may have seen a show on VH1 called The Pick-Up Artist. The premise of the show is that the so-called ‘ultimate pick-up artist’, a guy named MYSTERY (are you kidding me?), teaches a bunch of tools, socially awkward (though sorta lovable) losers and no-confidence shmos (or in Pick-Up Artist lingo, “Average Frustrated Chumps”) how to pick up chicks. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m all for helping people who are shy or uncomfortable gain confidence, but I have some serious issues with this show.

First of all, how are we supposed to have faith in a guy who insists on going by the name Mystery? For me, he loses credibility right there. And his wingmen go by the names Matador and J Dog. Can you get any lamer? Not only that, this guy has a ponytail, wears eyeliner and nail polish and sports some really cheesy-looking furry hats. Not what I would call a fine example.

That aside, my biggest issue with the show is that Mystery gives his proteges canned lines and kitschy tricks or scenarios to use on women, rather than teaching them how to carry on a stimulating conversation. They all walk around the club or bar spouting the same crap to woman after woman waiting to see who will bite. And, they treat picking up women like a game (women are referred to as “two sets” or “three sets”, approaching women and beginning conversations is called “opening a set”, teasing women is call “throwing negs”, getting a girl’s phone number is called the “number close”).

Guys, just be real. A woman is going to see right through all of the canned crap and “game”. Sure, do what you can to build your confidence and develop your social skills, but at the end of the day, just be yourself. Women want real men, not guys who have to study in order to get the balls to approach them.

-Michelle Hill

********OUR COMMENTS********

ALEXANDER:

Wouldn’t it be nice if meeting women were as simple as going into a bathroom stall and tapping your foot? I’ll tell ya, some people just don’t know how good they have it ;)

Unfortunately for many guys, it is not so easy. The sad truth is that most guys would rather sit through a tax class at NYU than walk to a woman and start a conversation.

Michelle Hill has given us the typical female response to this show. What she is essentially trying to say is, 'That kind of stuff would NEVER work on me. Guys, just be yourself.' But yet, despite being so 'disgusted' by what she saw, she was somehow intrigued enough to watch the ENTIRE EPISODE (while learning some pick-up lingo in the process). Hmm.

And while Michelle Hill says that guys should be themselves on the one hand, she then says that the 'students' in Mystery's program are "a bunch of tools, socially awkward (though sorta lovable) losers and no-confidence shmos."

Just how well do you think these guys were doing with the ladies by 'being themselves'?

And while Stephen and I discourage the use of canned pick-up lines when approaching women, there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with having a couple of default conversation topics in the back of your mind in case you run out of things to say.

So when you walk up to a group of women, would you rather have something creative to say to them (i.e. their opinion on a topic that interests them), or do you want to be the eleventh jackass to walk up to them and say "Hi, you're so hot. Can I buy you a drink?"

The contestants on this show were obviously doing something (actually, MANY things) wrong when it came to women. To quote the Boston Mauler, these guys "couldn't get laid in a whore house." But instead of sitting around and crying about how they never get laid, they decided to take the proactive steps necessary to get this area of their lives handled. THAT, my friends, is being a REAL man.

********
STEPHEN:

A few comments:

1. The name, Mystery, is like a nick name. A lot of guys have them. No biggie! I think it's kind of catchy actually!

2. His looks. It's a style, it gives (pardon the word) mystique. Basically it's peacocking. It may not be YOUR thing, but plenty of women dig that look.

3. Michelle's last line:
"Women want real men, not guys who have to study in order to get the balls to approach them." We don't teach lines. We work on first impressions, conversation, and escalation. But more importantly, I see no shame or problem with seeking help when you know you have a problem or if you want to improve something about yourself.

If a guy goes to a gym and works out, is he now being fake? Come on Michelle!

4. I agree with her line, "be yourself". Unfortunately, she thinks you can't be yourself if you are being helped. I disagree. We, and others, help people to be themselves around people that they are normally too nervous to act normally around!

And to call those guys tools and losers... ouch. Not so nice.

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2007 - All rights reserved
Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics

Sunday, September 9, 2007

Dealing With A Significant Other's Past

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Let's face it, we all have a past. There are things we are proud of and there are things we wish we could change. Your significant other has a past as well. Relationships rely upon TRUST. If you can't trust that special someone, who can you trust?

You need to have a degree of trust that if things are done between him/her and past significant others. Here's a funny little guy that can't stop thinking about his "girlfriend's" past:



Thanks to YouTube and Fuse's Whitest Kids U'Know

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2007 - All rights reserved
Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics

Thursday, September 6, 2007

What She's Really Thinking

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Why don't women REALLY say what they are thinking? Here's a good example of why we should be happy they sometimes keep the truth to themselves! More on this topic at a later date.



Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2007 - All rights reserved
Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics

Wednesday, September 5, 2007

Study: Men Want Hot Women

For more information about our services, including online dating profile rewrites and critiques, as well as live approach workshops, click here.

Check out this article from CNN.com:

Men want hot women, study confirms

Researchers led by Peter M. Todd of the cognitive science program at Indiana University, Bloomington, report that in Tuesday's edition of Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences that their study found humans were similar to most other mammals, "following Darwin's principle of choosy females and competitive males, even if humans say something different."

Here is what the researchers discovered in this GROUNDBREAKING study:

Men base their decisions [on women] mostly on physical attractiveness;

Men are much less choosy than women;

Women are aware of the importance of their own attractiveness to men.

********MY COMMENTS********

D'uh.

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2007 - All rights reserved
Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics

Tuesday, September 4, 2007

10 Turnoffs That Make Great Gals Wave Goodbye

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"Most guys know from the get-go whether or not they see potential in a woman. There's that inner voice that tells you this is someone worth pursuing.

When the first date ends, you're not even thinking about playing games. You know you want a second date. You wait your standard two days, call to set up that date and get the dreaded voicemail.

You leave a heartfelt message, but after three days it becomes clear this great gal is not calling you back. Where did you go wrong? Were you the only one feeling sparks over lattes
?"

10 Turnoffs that Make Great Gals Wave Goodbye, by Jeff Cohen, gives a nice simple breakdown of some characteristics or actions that make most women shake their heads and move on.

There are a few characteristics that were left out, including "Low Confidence Larry" (not to be confused with 'Leisure Suit Larry'), as pointed out by a commenter on the page.

Need help with first impressions, approaching women, or want to improve your pickup game? Check out our Live Approach Training Workshops.

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2007 - All rights reserved
Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics

Monday, September 3, 2007

Dating: How to Handle a Broken Date

For more information about our services, including online dating profile rewrites and critiques, as well as live approach workshops, click here.

Alexander,

I wanted to get your advice on how to handle this situation.

I was supposed to meet a woman for a first meeting last week. I did what you said and called her with a specific plan as to where, when and what time to meet. She said yes.

About 45 minutes before we are supposed to meet, her name pops up on my cell phone’s caller ID. I didn’t answer it. She ends up leaving me a voicemail (sounding all apologetic) that she has to stay and finish up a project at work, but would "like a raincheck".

I end up calling her back and get her voicemail. I tell her that it’s too bad she can’t make it, but she should give me a call when she gets a chance and we can try and reschedule.

What should I do if she calls me back?

Craig from Phoenix

********MY COMMENTS********

You are handling it fine so far. DO NOT contact her again.

It was a good move putting the ball in HER court as far as rescheduling (isn't it funny how she just called you, but now all of a sudden can't answer her phone?). I also like how you said 'we can TRY and reschedule'. I hope that was intentional on your part.

In the event that she calls you again (and I don't think she will), there are two schools of thought as to how to handle it.

One approach would be to give her the benefit of the doubt and reschedule. Perhaps something really DID come up 45 minutes before you were supposed to meet (mind you, in seven years working as an attorney, I never had to cancel plans).

However, if you are considering this option, make sure you gauge her tone when she ends up calling you. First off, does she actually CALL you, or does she send a text or an email? Does she apologize again for canceling on you with such short notice? Does she offer to buy the first round of drinks? Or does she act as if what she did was perfectly normal, and wait for you to ask her out again?

Either way, if you DO end up rescheduling, keep the fact that she cancelled on you in the back of your head, and keep your eyes open for any other possible red flags.

And then there is MY general school of thought - THROW HER NUMBER AWAY.

Harsh? Maybe. But a broken date is UNACCEPTABLE. To quote Doc Love, “Women with high interest level don’t break dates. Am I going too fast for you guys?”

Call me old-fashioned if you wish, but if I give my word that I am going to do something, I do it. When it comes to dating, if I make plans with a woman to be somewhere at a certain time, I show up. If I get another offer for plans that night, I decline. To do otherwise is completely disrespectful. It's that simple.

And I am happy to say that the great majority of women I have met have also kept their word about plans. I have NEVER been stood up, and I think a total of three women have cancelled on me in the past four years. With so many quality women out there, why waste your time on someone that is, at best, unreliable?

In short Craig, unless she somehow manages to blow you over with how bad she feels about cancelling on you last minute, I would get rid of her. From my experience, this is just a sign of what's to come.

I once had a situation where a woman cancelled on me the afternoon of our first meeting because she was 'working late'. She didn't strike me as the flaky type, so I agreed to reschedule. After all, things DO come up, right?

We ended up going out and had a great time. I called her a few days later and made plans to meet again. She accepted. Sure enough, she sends me a text message the day we were supposed to meet and cancels on me AGAIN. Needless to say, I dropped her immediately. Lesson learned.

As Carlos Xuma says, "You teach people how to treat you with your behavior. Your time is valuable, isn't it? If your time isn't, neither are you."

Good luck!

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2007 - All rights reserved
Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics