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THE PROCESS: HOW TO GO FROM A FIRST CONTACT WITH A WOMAN TO AN IN-PERSON FIRST MEETING






Friday, January 30, 2009

Some More Fake Jobs

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A little humor at the end of a LONG week!

Here are 5 more 'fake jobs' you can try on women that ask that ever-so-inappropriate 'What do you do?' question:

1. Professional gefilte fisherman;

2. World's tallest midget;

3. Elbow model;

4. Used idol salesman;

and if she is REALLY pushy...

5. I fill creme donuts.

Enjoy!

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2008 - All rights reserved
Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Questions to Avoid When Talking to a Guy

For more information about our services, including online dating profile rewrites and critiques, live workshops on approaching women and starting conversations as well as private coaching sessions, click here.

Here are four questions you should never ask a guy according to Cosmopolitan.com:
1. Questions comparing yourself to the ex.
2. Do you love me?
3. Can I borrow money?
4. Are you cheating on me?

All these questions should be seen as taboo, unless you are in a committed relationship, but there are others that should never be asked.

Take for instance the ubiquitous "Does this (insert article of clothing here) make me look fat?" Talk about a loaded question. If we say "yes," then we are open for attack. Let's be honest, if you are asking that question, you are fat (think treadmill), or you have low self esteem (stop being a door mat- no one wants a long term relationship with a door mat).

Another question, that would boarder on insensitive: "Was your hairline always so far back?"

Here's another line to shy away from, "Is it in?" No need to explain that one.

If you needed this advice, you need more help than you thought!
Happy Dating!

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2008 - All rights reserved
Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics

Thursday, January 1, 2009

Are women that only have head-shots in their online dating profiles hiding something big?

For more information about our services, including online dating profile rewrites and critiques, live workshops on approaching women and starting conversations as well as private coaching sessions, click here.

Alexander and Stephen,

I have been talking with this girl I met online for a little while, and we are just about at that point where it is time to meet. She is definitely a nice girl, and she seems to have a great personality (and I can tell she is definitely into me!). However, I am a bit concerned about how she is going to look. Her dating profile has three pictures, but they only show her face (there is one which would be a full body shot, but she is standing behind three of her friends). Also, she described her body type as ‘Average/Medium Build.’ Without sounding insensitive, I don’t want to waste my time meeting her if she is overweight. Do I have a valid reason to be concerned? Thanks guys, and keep up the great work!

Stan

********OUR COMMENTS********

Yes.

Your little vixen is probably not so little after all. In fact, my guess is that you would not have taken the time to write us if you didn’t already know this. But read on, grasshopper…

At the outset, I should point out that I have nothing against women that may find themselves, let's just say, 'a bit out of shape.' My issue here is with those that choose to conceal that fact (i.e. by including only head shots, standing in front of a tractor, etc.), and do so to the point where their well-meaning date arrives at their First Meeting only to discover that they have been misled as to the other person's physical appearance. And yes, guys are just as guilty of this as women - and deserve the same level of admonishment.

Anyone who has ever tried online dating has been burned by this at some point. The biggest complaint I usually get from women is that guys don’t look like their pictures (i.e. their profile pictures were taken several years earlier or when they were 30 pounds lighter or when they had a full head of hair). If you are a guy and you have any of these kind of photos in your profile, shame on you! Remove them IMMEDIATELY.

But the biggest complaint I get from guys, Stan, is about the girl that only has face-shots in her profile, and then shows up for a First Meeting needing a second chair (for herself). Hey Beavis, I said face-shots… hehehehhe.

If any of you guys have ever wondered WHY a woman would only include head shots in her profile, I have your answer. Check out the 1990 Wilson Phillips video, ‘Impulsive.’ My favorite thing about this video is how BLATANT the directors were in trying to conceal the ‘festive plumpness’ of Ms. Carnie Wilson.



Just remember the images from this video the next time you are on Match.com or JDate and see some girl standing behind a grand piano, nine of her closest friends or a medium-sized sports arena – do that, and you’ll never have to worry about running into this type of problem again.

Women are FAR more in tune to issues regarding physical appearance than most men. So rest assured, if she is concealing most of her body in a photo she is featuring on an online dating site, there is probably a good reason for it. If you ever find yourself wondering about someone based upon her lack of a full-body picture, it is a safe bet that you may be on to something.

But if you really MUST get an answer before deciding whether to meet her, you can always shoot her an email along the lines of, “the last time I agreed to meet someone online that only had pictures of her head, she turned out to just be a talking head! [which probably explains why she wasn’t down for my offer to go ice skating] Can you please send me some full-body shots so I can verify that you have all your extremities before we meet?” But again, I would only do this as an absolute LAST resort.

One final way to confirm your suspicions is to check the ‘body type’ description on her profile. Here is some girl code for what her answers actually mean:

Voluptuous = Overweight

Proportional = NOT proportional = Overweight

Cuddly = Overweight

Average/Medium Build = Overweight, UNLESS her pictures clearly suggest otherwise. In which case she actually SCORES points for being modest.

Modelesque = High-maintenance headcase. Stay away.

Lean/Slender, Athletic/Fit, Petite = You should be ok here. In fact, any woman that selects one of these options without any legitimate basis for doing so is a FRAUD. Feel free to immediately cut off a meeting if you encounter this type of situation – this is a sign of much bigger (no pun intended) problems down the road.

Best of luck!

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2009 - All rights reserved
Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics