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Friday, March 28, 2008

Green Dating

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This whole "Earth Hour" thing and got me thinking...

Well, the price of oil must be up (not as high as it has been in the last couple of weeks, I know)! How do I know? Because "ecofriendly," "environmentally friendly," "green," and "sustainable" are all big buzz words again. Don't take this as a negative view of these terms. In fact, I consider myself to be "environmentally conscious" in my actions. That being said I also understand that sometimes local is better than organic, and a nonhybrid can be a lot better than a hybrid. Has being green become a fashion statement? Not that there is anything wrong with that, if it has (read: it has). In fact, maybe its a good thing? A way of waking up the masses?

Enough pontification- what's the point and how does it relate to this site? Well, we've brought up niche dating in the past, and I just discovered a new niche dating craze. Green dating. Check out the Green Girls Guide - Gigi's Blog for a list of green online dating sites, as well as a vocabulary lesson that includes terms like, ecosexual and eco hoe. Sounds saucy!

I spent some time searching through a few of these green dating sites, as if I were a prospective member. I am all too familiar with niche dating sites and knew the pool of prospective matches would be small. I had no idea just how small some would be! One site found 30 matches for a woman age 18 to 40 in the New York City area. The NYC area extended to BUFFALO, NY! If you are unfamiliar with New York geography, Buffalo and NYC are approximately 400 miles away! Some sites are relatively new and will grow, but remember, with niche dating, by definition, you are narrowing your field of potential mates. (Make sure the issue is important enough for you!)

Another issue I found while perusing the sites, were a dearth of creative or quality profiles. That is not to say a lack of quality people. I am sure many of them are as they proclaim themselves to be: "beautiful soul," "loving Earth child," and "care-taker of all that is natural and pure." If you plan on venturing onto one of these sites, take it seriously. Make sure the issue is important enough to wipe out the majority of potential mates/dates. And write a quality profile. If you need us, we're here.

Tree huggers, hippies, greenies, vegetarians, vegans, defenders of environmental justice, fair trade pushers, buy local junkies, organic heads, and alike fear not; There is a dating site out there for you!

At one point Kermit was right. But it seems to have become easier to be green. "sesame street - its not easy being green" Thanks Kermit!

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2008 - All rights reserved
Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

The REAL Reasons Guys Reject Women Online

For more information about our services, including online dating profile rewrites and critiques, live workshops on approaching women and starting conversations as well as private coaching sessions, click here. (check out our review of Chemistry here) now has a drop-down box where you are supposed to select the reason you decided not to choose someone. Unfortunately, all of the options (‘not a good fit,’ ‘different interests,’ ‘no chemistry based on short answers,’ etc.) are politically correct and tell you nothing.

Here’s how I would do it:

1. She UGLY;
2. I had to use Mapquest to find out where her town is;
3. She hasn’t been 33 since the Nixon administration;
4. She has the personality of a mop;
5. I have no interest in helping you raise money to rescue your country’s kidnapped prince;
6. She has spelling/grammar errors in her profile, but she claims to be an EDITOR;
7. This party girl is probably a walking petri dish of STDs;
8. She’s a money-grubbing bizatch;
9. If she REALLY didn’t play games, she wouldn’t have mentioned games in the first place;
10. She only has headshots on her profile, and we ALL know what that means…

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2008 - All rights reserved
Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics

Thursday, March 20, 2008

When She Suddenly Goes Cold on You

For more information about our services, including online dating profile rewrites and critiques, live workshops on approaching women and starting conversations as well as private coaching sessions, click here.



I met this girl online recently and we seemed to really click. After exchanging a few witty emails, we met in person and had a great time. What was supposed to be a quick drink turned into a six hour date, with her kissing me at the end of the night. Anyway, it took us a little over a week to meet up again due to both of our schedules, but she was constantly emailing me during that time.

But when we went out again, she suddenly went cold on me. She got really distant all of a sudden, was cutting my conversation topics short and started disagreeing with everything I said. I don’t think I did anything that should have caused that type of response and things seemed to be going really well until that point. What the hell happened?


********MY RESPONSE********

I have been in this situation twice – and it sucks. You meet in person, have an awesome time, have some back and forth chat afterwards, and then out of nowhere a totally different woman shows up for date 2. Chicks are weird, man – but then again, us guys aren’t much better.

But this is precisely the reason you need to remain objective the first few times you go out with someone. People tend to be on their best behavior early on - so you if think someone has potential, you need to take the time to really get to know them before you start envisioning what your kids are going to look like.

Now as to WHY your date suddenly turned into the ice princess, it’s probably one of these five scenarios:

• She didn’t like your shoes;
• You were dealing with either a natural flirt or an attention whore, and she really wasn’t as into you as you thought;
• She didn’t get a pony for her 8th birthday;
• She met another guy she liked better;
• She got sausaged by four biker dudes an hour before you met up, and was uncomfortable sitting on a chair.

The truth is that you are NEVER going to know the real reason she went cold on you. And even if you were to ask her (which is a HORRIBLE idea), you are still not going to get a straight answer.

But then again, the reason WHY she did it really doesn’t matter. The bottom line is that it happened, and now you have to move on. So stop worrying about something you have absolutely no control over, and chalk her up as a poor judge of character for not digging you.

And if she happens to contact you again (which she won’t), do not respond. Never waste your time with some chick that is throwing mixed signals at you. As Doc Love once said, “when they like you, they help you.”

Good luck man!

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2008 - All rights reserved
Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Online Dating: First Meeting Conversation Topics

For more information about our services, including assistance with online dating profile writing, as well as live approach workshops, click here.

Ok, great! You scored her digits, set up a first meeting, and now you are going to meet her for the first time. What in the world are you guys going to talk about?

As Doc Love always says, “keep it light, keep it funny. No heavy subjects, no put-downs and no negatives.”

Here are some ideas of specific topics you can bring up on a first meeting:

1. The environment you are in – Are you at a pool hall, bar/lounge or bowling alley? Do some people watching and comment about what is going on. Is someone wearing a really goofy outfit? Did someone just put 'Love Shack' on the jukebox? Do you see a couple on a first date, and one of them is clearly not interested in being there? Fun stuff!

2. Online dating experiences – make sure you have at least three really good funny/horror stories you can tell. Rehearse them ahead of time so you can bust one out at will.

But make sure the stories don’t make YOU look like a jackass. Pick something funny (girl was a weirdo, something goofy happened) and make sure you end the story by showing that you did the proper thing for that situation.

Now if you are going to tell a story about a psycho chick, be careful! If she is TOO out there, you may lose points for not being able to weed her out sooner.

3. Anything you guys have in common – Did you go to the same college? Were you both at the Dave Matthews concert in Central Park? Do you know any of the same people? Try to make as many connections as possible with her.

But again, a word of caution. If you guys each know someone, but you don’t get along with that person (or they have some embarrassing dirt on you), you might want to consider keeping quiet about knowing them (or maybe even go as far as keeping them away from each other, depending on the circumstances).

4. Pop Culture – Did she catch any of that ‘Client 9 Radio’ station on Sirius? Does she know the name of the bicycle shop owner from that Diff’rent Strokes episode? Who would she rather have in her deadpool – Amy Winehouse or Britney Spears? Ok, maybe not that one.

Before you go out, scan or or grab a copy of US Weekly. Figure out what is hot in celebrity news and debate her on it.

Also, another good website for date material is Overheard in New York.

And here is some stuff your should NEVER talk about:

1. Situations where you screwed up on a date – Did some snotty girl pull something on you and get away with it? Shh! Did some Russian girl scam you into a $200 dinner and then turn away when you went for a kiss? Never happened. How about that time you took a gulp of something and snarfed it up all over your date? You get the picture.

2. Your job – She doesn’t want to hear about it. And if she does, you may have trouble on your hands. All you need to convey to her is that you are gainfully employed, ambitious and have a positive attitude about things.

There is, however, an exception to this rule. You are free to talk about DRAMA from the office. If two girls in HR are sleeping together or some guy just got promoted by blackmailing the boss, that’s all fair game. Make them almost sound like characters in a play (that she may get to meet one day!). But again, make sure your stories don’t make you look like a dumbass.

3. Physical ailments, how much you hate the world or any other complaints – I once had a girl on the phone tell me all about her irritable bowel syndrome. And after she excited me with THAT topic, she tried to shift into drill sergeant/job interview mode. She did not get a date.

4. And from our article, “The First Meeting,” here are some other topics to avoid:

"Topics to avoid at all costs - Physical ailments, rape or violence, Star Trek, anything self-deprecating, anything overtly sexual, your arrest record, Dungeons and Dragons, ex-girlfriends, that time that you got drunk and wet yourself, religion, politics, marriage, children." '

I would add Beavis and Butthead to that list, as much as it kills me to do so.

The bottom line is to make sure you keep the conversation light and funny. Remember, it’s the first time you guys are out – there will be plenty of time later to show her your Eric Cartman impersonation (and if she digs it… marry her!). Ask yourself if this is something that will be of interest to her, or is it going to bore her or make you look stupid. Keep that in the back of your mind and you’ll be fine.

Happy Dating!

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2008 - All rights reserved
Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics

Thursday, March 13, 2008

My JDate Experiment - A guy's perspective on women's profiles

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EDITOR’S NOTE – A woman in Los Angeles has written the female version of this column. Guys, there is some really good insight in there as to what to do (and NOT do) with your dating profiles. You can find her article here.

Ladies, have you ever wondered what goes through a guy's mind when he is searching through women's profiles online?

Here’s what I did:

I went onto JDate and clicked on the “Members Online” option for women in my geographical area aged 25-40. All the women had pictures. The women below are the first 12 that popped up on my screen. The order that they were on my page is the same order in which they appear below.

I approached this experiment as if I was only going to contact one of these 12 women. The following is the process by which I went about selecting the one I would write.

My comments are based solely on that particular woman’s profile and the ones I had previously read up to that point. For example, at the time I commented about Woman #1, I had not yet read anyone else’s profile. Furthermore, while commenting about Woman #4, I had already read profiles 1-3, but had not yet seen #5. And so on.

Here are my findings:

1. I like this one. She is 28, cute (I like all 4 of her pictures) and claims to have been a diver and a gymnast when she was growing up. Very straightforward profile, which contains a lot of information about her. It is right to the point, with no grammar errors. She is very organized and definitely left-brained. But there is absolutely no humor in this profile, nor much of a personality. She seems like she is just spewing items off of a list.

Oh, here we go. She is getting out of business school in May and starting work in the fall with a big corporate office (she also has her future salary info in there also - which is REALLY tacky). This girl looks like she is going to be a major pain in the ass, and will probably try to qualify the shit out of me. I am also not sure if she is going to be able to take a joke. But I might just want to try and find out anyway. We’ll keep her as a maybe for now.

2. 27, redhead. Decent looking, but not drop-dead gorgeous. I’ll read on. This one seems really chill, a girlie-girl. Definitely a lot more fun than Ms. Business School. But there is only one bodyshot, and she is wearing a one piece skirt. Kinda hard to tell how she looks, but she seems ok. I also don’t deduct that many points for her failure to include ‘romantic’ in her check-the-box personality description. Appears to be an oversight. She’s a probable.

3. Hmm. 3 pictures, 2 in sunglasses (including her main photo) and the third out with friends while holding a Red Bull. One of her sunglass pictures is on a sailboat sunbathing (although you can only see her face). She seems high-maintenance, but has a decent body. So I read on. “Likes the bubblies in champagne.” Perhaps I should be taking these major law firm interviews more seriously. This one sounds expensive. And there is nothing more of note in her paragraphs. She also failed to put ‘Romantic” in her check-the-boxes, but this does NOT appear to be an oversight. Cute, but I’m gonna pass.

4. Looks kinda manly. Actually, she’s a spitting image of a guy I pledged with my freshman year in college. And she’s disgustingly thin to boot. NEXT!

5. Very cute. I like all four of her pictures. A pre-school teacher/pastry chef with an awesome body! I don’t need to read any more... I hear wedding bells. But I read on anyway, because I know better. ARGH! Here is the first half of her opening paragraph:

“Im not really into these online dating things but my mom has been trying to convince me for a while to join. She promised me that if i join... not only will she pay for it... but she'll also stop bothering me about going on blind dates. I've had quite a few bad experiences with blind dates... I always end up with not normal guys who (on the first date) tell me about how they farted on someone's face, ask me if it's ok that they walk around in their underwear because its more comfortable, or ask me what i've learned in my experiences about differences in Jewish & non-Jewish penis sizes (if you're wondering what my answer is... I wouldn't know). if you don't understand why these dates were so bad... or you are actually one of these guys... don't even bother contacting me.”

I don’t even care what the second half of her intro says.

6. This girl’s face looks like a train wreck. She has an ok body, but she is wearing a lot of club garb. I am also sensing potential party-girl issues. Did I mention this girl is a train wreck?

Frederick's of Hollywood, Inc.

7. Our first cougar of the night. She is 36, and both of her pictures are headshots. D’oh! So I go to her description of body type. “Voluptuous.” Not a good sign. But her 2nd picture has her in a library, and I suddenly find myself intrigued. Sure enough, she is a professor. This could be interesting. So I read more.

Profile is somewhat generic, but authentic. Unfortunately, she is being authentic about not having much of a personality. She seems very sweet though, and I consider writing her for more pictures. But I don’t have that kind of time. I might be open to responding if she happened to contact ME, but she isn’t striking me as the “come to my office after school for some detention” type. So I move on.

8. Awful choice of pictures, but she happens to be a cute girl. Seems like the artsy type, but her profile is mostly generic language and adjectives without anything backing them up. She is cute though, and might just fit the mold of that ‘quiet-shy type looking to be pulled out of her shell’ that I like so much. She’s a maybe.

9. Cougar #2. She claims to be 40, but I am guessing that’s in dog years. And speaking of which, I just took a closer look at her photos. Worst part? I just moved my mouse to the top of the page to X her out, and noticed she is also divorced with three children! Please shoot me.

10. 36 years old. 2 headshots and one half-body shot, but it’s hard to tell how she looks. She claims to be 5’6 and 118lbs, but I’m not so sure. So we read on. Every sentence of her opening paragraph starts with “I am” or “I like.” Blah blah blah blah blah. Total generic job. And come to think of it, her pictures are a bit out of focus. NEXT.

11. 4 pictures, 2 of them are (awful) webcam shots and the other two have her in sunglasses. Grammar errors in her opening paragraph. This chick is a mess. She’s out.

12. Divorced, one kid. Her age says 40, but that probably means she was born on a leap day. No need to go on.

So in the end, I am left with 1, 2 and 8.

Admittedly, I would not deem any of these 12 women ‘exceptional’ – which has become my standard for taking the time to write to anyone online these days. But if I had to go with one of them, I would choose #2.

Woman #8 seems ok, but I am going to have to do all the work here. And her pictures, while cute, were not exactly blowing me away to the point where I would be willing to expend that kind of effort. So she’s out.

Woman #1 seems like she would be a major pain in the ass. She has that ultra-competitive vibe to her that works well in business but not so much in relationships.

Woman #2 is definitely the coolest and most fun of the bunch. I like what she wrote in her profile and how she said it.

Here’s her intro:
"I love a good laugh... not just any kind of laugh though... I prefer the embarrassing and somewhat inappropriate laugh during a meeting, or a case of uncontrollable giggles. I love learning bizarre little things about people. I am a Jew who loves bacon. I am a bit of a morning person. As far as sports... I was born into unconditional love for the Yankees. I am in touch with my girly side... because let's face it; a good pedicure never hurt anyone. I worship New York City. I even venture out into the boroughs from time to time for a good stoop sale or the best homemade ice cream. I am looking for someone who when they call I always want to pick up the phone, someone who can appreciate a fantastic meal anywhere, someone who isn't perfect, someone who appreciates the little things in life, and someone who gets me."

Yep, I'll take my chances with her.

I would LOVE to see the female version of this. If any of you ladies think you’re up for the challenge, pick a random guy’s profile and shoot me an email at with your honest, no-holds-barred findings.

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2008 - All rights reserved
Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Politicians Get the Ladies

For more information about our services, including online dating profile rewrites and critiques, as well as live approach workshops, click here.

This is a reprint of an article which we originally posted on October 21, 2007. But it looks like we need to add Eliot Spitzer, the esteemed (soon to be ex) Governor from New York, to our list. Bottom line is this - if your wife has a facial expression like this, you in serious trouble!

Random question:
Why do so many people cheat and has it always been that way?

As for the first part of the question, the simple answer is because "you can". You can google that question, run it through, or Yahoo-oo it and you'll probably find a million and one different reasons. Unhappiness, curiosity, boredom, problems in the marriage, revenge...

As for part two, it probably always has been and probably always will be a rampant occurrence! Take politicians, for example. Do they all have affairs? Are infidelity and adulterous relationships that common, or are they just so much in the public's eye that getting caught is all but guaranteed?

Look at Clinton and his cigar. JFK likely had Monroe and Judith Exner. Thomas Jefferson apparently fathered children with a slave named Sally Hemings. Harding, FDR, Eisenhower, even George Washington apparently wore the "Scarlet Letter". And those are just Presidents!

Then there was Strom Thurmond, a segregationist who fathered a child with a black woman. And don't forget about "REVEREND" Jesse Jackson, who also had an illegitimate child! And how could I not include Cecilia Sarkozy (I know she's not the politician, but you get my point). I wonder if Indira Ghandi or Margaret Thatcher ever got busy? On second thought I don't want to know!

Unfortunately, or luckily for some, the internet has made having extramarital affairs even easier with the likes of Craigslist and Discreet Adventures.

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2007 - All rights reserved
Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics

Friday, March 7, 2008

The Role of the Wingman

For more information about our services, including assistance with online dating profile writing, as well as live approach workshops, click here.

Let's keep this simple. A wingman is a guy you go out with that helps you in approaching women. The biggest mistake made is having a wingman that is not as experienced or as secure as you are.

Although the "pilot" is the individual trying to approach and secure a "target," it is the wingman that needs to deftly manouver tough situations (ok- lame reference to fighter pilots...engage, distract, and support). When having a friend wing for you, make sure you are comfortable together. An ideal wingman realizes his function (to help YOU!) and is not out for himself! He is there to open approaches (get you in), help you in isolating the target (read: block her friend(s)), and provide any other support.

Just because you are buddies with someone does not mean they are a good match as a wingman. Married men (that wear their ring) at times make good wingmen because they are less intimidating to women. Although sometimes women want what they seemingly can't have. Women make great "wingmen" as well. They can, at times, infiltrate groups of other girls as well as a well skilled wingman. Proceed with caution though when using "wing women" as they can sometimes intimidate certain groups of targets.

During our Live Approach Training we will act as wingmen for you during a day/night out. Before we actually "move in on a target," we will spend some time with you addressing initiating an approach, following a lead, conversation (OSO), body language, and confidence.

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2008 - All rights reserved
Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics

Wednesday, March 5, 2008

More Accidental Porn [pic]

For more information about our services, including assistance with online dating profile writing, as well as live approach workshops, click here.

Or perhaps it wasn't accidental...

Photo by Alexander Stone
Location - E17th Street near Union Square (in front of the Carsten Institute), New York City.

For a confused look, tell them the guys from Approach Dynamics sent ya!

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2008 - All rights reserved
Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics