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Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Conversations - A Lesson From the French

What can we learn from the French? We know that they could learn a thing or two from us (ie. personal hygiene tips, underarm shaving for women and not to surrender in battle so quickly), but I think we can learn a thing or two from them as well.

I have said in the past how conversation is the key. Being able to hold a conversation is what will pave the way to everything else. To that effect, there was an interesting article in US News and World Report the other day and it mentioned how the French have the art of conversation down to a science. The most interesting part was that the French see "conversation as an end." In other words, the conversation itself is what they are looking for! If you were able to look at approaching in this manner, it would take away the pressure. Thought this was an interesting way of looking at it!

You can find the article here:

Monday, March 26, 2007

Field Report - "Gum and Beer"

Just for the hell of it i figured I'd try something different this weekend. I went out with a couple of the guys and was chewing bubble gum while drinking my beer. It wasn't as bad as it may seem - and do I dare say that it actually tasted good?!?!

I was trying to get a reaction and it worked. Over the course of 2 hours, three girls came up to me and asked if i was chewing gum while drinking beer? My response, "yep - it gives me that good boy/bad boy image." I am not exactly sure what that meant, but it worked. Two of them laughed at the comment, and it lead to a decent conversation (the first girl sarcastically chuckled and walked away - I wasn't interested so I let her go). The two girls that I spent some time talking to also wanted a piece of gum by the way, which I was nice enough to give them.

I wasn't interested in the 2nd girl, but I got the 3rd one's digits. How? Once the conversation was going pretty well and I wanted to move on I just asked for her number - and she gave it to me with out hesitation - Just figured I'd share.

Lessons learned:
1. Even the most trivial things can lead to conversation (ex. a piece of gum!);
2. If you are interested, don't let them "get away" without asking for contact information. "Hey, what's your number?" It's THAT easy;
3. Remember, you are the one in "control." If you are uninterested, end it (but do so with class and tact - there is a line between being confident and being a total ass).

Saturday, March 24, 2007

Comment From a Woman - Handling Rejection


Can you please tell your students NEVER to text a girl "I understand you decided to blow me off, but just out of curiosity, why?" That kind of text is cringe-worthy. Thanks!

New York, NY

********MY COMMENTS********
Yeah guys, this one is pretty self-explanatory.

If a woman turns you down, exit gracefully and move on.

I understand that you may be pissed off and/or frustrated, but this is one of those times when you need to chalk it up as a learning experience and not react.

Remember, NEVER let them know they got to you.

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2007 - ApproachDynamics/Online Dating Edge

Friday, March 16, 2007

Online Dating - When Teasing Goes Terribly Wrong


I wanted to let you know about a little exchange that took place online a little while back. I was writing a bunch of women, and I came across this one profile. Cute girl, but her profile was one of those generic, cut and paste deals. Now I normally pass those over, but I decided this time that I was going to have some fun and see if I could find something to write. Her profile was virtually useless, so I decided to take a closer look at her pictures.

She had this one picture that totally stood out. She was wearing this white dress that looked like it was from the 1700s with a red sash around her waist. She looked like a cross between Martha Washington and a matador. Bingo! I had my opener...

"I gotta tell you XXX, I really dig that bullfighting outfit... did u win? Well, no matter - I guess all I need to do now is decide whether to dress up as a bull or a PETA protester and we have ourselves a Halloween date. I’ll drive (unless, of course, Im the bull... then we can cab it ;)

Talk soon,
D "

To my dismay, here was her reply...

"Dear Tool,

You have a real way with the ladies...insulting as a form of flirting? Go back to your manual of "How NOT to be a asshole" and let me know when you've brushed up on your skills. "

And my response...

"Yikes... I figured anyone who would wear something like that would have a pretty good sense of humor. Guess I was wrong. Best of luck."

Thought you guys would get a kick out of that one.

New York

********MY COMMENTS********

Dear Tool (I LOVE it!),

A bullfighter that looks like Martha Washington? Perhaps its time to find you another dating website.

But seriously guys, there is actually a lot to learn here. This girl happens to be quite attractive. Nonetheless, I think our friend here was clearly being playful, and did not deserve that kind of reaction. But this is a good thing.

A lot of guys I speak to have a fear of initiating a conversation with a woman - either online or in person. But since this is an article on online dating, I'll stick with that one.

Let me ask you. What is the worst thing that could possibly happen to you if you write to a girl online? a) she doesnt write you back; or b) she shows your email to a bunch of her friends and after they all laugh at what a tool you are, she writes you back and tries to insult you.

Well guys, you have just witnessed the worst-case scenario of what could happen to you online. And guess what? It's fucking funny!

Not only that, but this guy has now weeded out an immature, uptight girl that has absolutely no sense of humor right from the beginning. Can you imagine dating someone like this? Constantly walking on eggshells evey time you say something for fear you might offend her. NO woman is cute enough to have to endure that.

Teasing from the get-go is also a good test to see if the girl you are writing to is fun and has a sense of humor. If she doesn't, then just move on to the next one. There are SO many women online - no use wasting your time on some ice queen that still hasn't gotten over the fact that she didn't get a bicycle for her seventh birthday.

An important lesson from one of my previous posts is to never be afraid to offend someone. As long as you are coming from a place where you are being playful and not malicious, you will be fine. What someone else thinks about you is none of your business - it's THEIR problem. Remember, this is all supposed to be fun.

Happy dating!

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2007 - ApproachDynamics/Online Dating Edge

Field Report - The Fake Job

Alright, not all of us have what some would consider to be a "cool" or even an interesting job, and at times the question of what you do comes up. While honesty is always the best policy, there are times when playing around can be fun. One of my buddies, for instance, introduces himself as a "paper clip repairman" or a "miniature golf caddy", or my personal favorite, "the lettuce guy at Taco Bell." No offense to anyone who has the latter position.

In contrast, another buddy of mine hates his job as an accountant, so for the hell of it he always says he's an actuary to women he's making the move on. Usually they have no idea what an actuary does so he can just BS a little and move on.

Well, it all backfired the other night! He told this smokin' blonde he was an actuary to which she responded, "what level?" As it turns out, an actuary takes a number of different exams to advance in their status. He said, "second level." She smiled, laughed, and said, "which one of your friends is really the actuary?" In the end, it didn't matter, but lesson learned... when "switching" jobs #1- know what that person actually does and #2 be something cooler than an actuary!

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2007 - ApproachDynamics/Online Dating Edge

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Online Dating - The First Email

I have gotten emails from a bunch of you asking me about what to include in the first email. In my opinion, the first email is the most critical part of the entire process, because this is where she is going to decide whether or not she wants to connect with you.

In a nutshell, you MUST at least give her the illusion that you read her profile and are not sending her the same email you sent to 30 other women. At the very least, include her name somewhere and ask her a question about something in her profile (think outside the box). One girl I wrote to had a picture in her profile which I could tell was taken in Australia, so I asked her about her trip. She wrote back and told me she was impressed that I recognized it, especially since she did not mention traveling there anywhere in her written profile. There is a boatload more I can write on this topic, but Ill save that for another time. If any of you guys have specific questions, feel free to drop me an email at

One alternative to writing the first email is to create a compelling enough profile that prompts HER to write a first email to YOU. Some basic tips on pulling this off:

1. Get some professional photos taken. Not only will they be better quality pictures than every other jackass on the site, but it will also show women that you are serious about online dating.

2. Put your pictures up on and find out which ones get the highest ratings. Use those for your profile.

3. Find a dating site you are comfortable with. This could be based on where you live, religion, interests, etc. I personally prefer, and

4. Check out your competition. Look at other guy's profiles in your area who match your age and general description. You'll notice that they all write the same boring shit in their profiles. MAKESURE NONE OF WHAT THEY WRITE APPEARS ANYWHERE IN YOUR PROFILE. Remember, the goal is to be different than everyone else.

5. Be creative. Think outside the box.

6. And most importantly, DO NOT BE AFRAID TO OFFEND ANYBODY with your profile and/or emails. If they get turned off by something you wrote, its THEIR problem.

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2007 - ApproachDynamics/Online Dating Edge

Saturday, March 3, 2007

Asking Her Out - The "Call Back to Confirm"

It is a situation I have found myself in countless times over the past several years. Woman likes my profile and contacts me. A couple of emails go back and forth, with the requisite amount of teasing and playfulness of course. Inevitably, the number comes. Everything is going by the book.

So I call her. I used to keep the first phone call extremely brief (10-15 minutes MAX), and I usually recommend that others do the same - especially when you are first starting out. Remember, the main purpose of the phone call is to set up the first meeting. But after doing this a while, I no longer have the time or desire to meet everyone I am in contact with online. So now I like to chat a bit and see if there is any potential for chemistry. This has helped me weed out some people I would have otherwise wasted my time with in person.

I finally decide that there is enough there to meet for a drink. She seems normal enough, and we shared a similar experience as to how we each left our previous jobs. The question is simple enough - I have literally done it hundreds of times. "Hey, let's meet for drinks Tuesday night. How's 8:00?" Then I shut up and listen.

There are only two acceptable answers to that question (actually, there are three, but women don't seem to have the ability to say the word ‘no' in these situations). The first, of course, is any variation of "sure, I’d love to!" The other one is where she explains that she can't make it on Tuesday, but counteroffers with another night. "I already have plans for Tuesday, but how about Thursday?"Any other answer is an indicator of low interest on the part of the woman.

There are a couple of common tactics women use in these situations, and she managed to throw two of them at me. Here's how to spot them:

First, she failed to properly counteroffer. Her response (after hemming and hawing a bit), was something along the lines of "I have something I am doing on Tuesday and I don't know how long it is going to take... what other nights are you free this week?"

DON'T fall for this trick. It is a test. She is trying to determine whether you have a life, or if you are going to act like you haven't had a date in six months and she is your only chance for true love. If you start spewing out other days, it will send her a message that you either have nothing else going on with your life or you are a LITTLE too eager to meet up with her (ESPECIALLY if you suggest a Friday or Saturday night).

I respond by explaining to her that I have a ton of stuff going on this week and Tuesday is the only night I know for sure I am going to be around. Then I shut up and listen again.

Test passed. A couple of moments later, she pretends to be pulling out her planner and tells me she is around on Thursday if that is ok with me. I hesitate for a moment and say that I have some stuff going on earlier that evening, but I could meet up with her at 8. I then pick a place convenient for both of us (where my cousin happens to be the bartender ;) which she agrees to. For a moment, I think I am home free.

Then she hits me with her second doozy. "You know what, give me a call on Wednesday or Thursday morning so we can confirm that we are still on."

This is unacceptable. She is essentially telling you is that she’ll keep you hanging until Thursday in the hopes that something better comes along. If you agree to this arrangement, you have just handed over your balls on a silver platter.

So I call her on it. "Let me ask you - are you anticipating that something is going to come up and you wont be able to make it?" She hems and haws again. I go on. "Because I don’t see any reason to have to confirm if we have definite plans." She agrees hesitantly.

The bottom line is that if she is truly interested in getting to know you, there would be no hesitation on her part. Her unwillingness to commit (twice!) showed me that, for whatever reason, she was reluctant to meet. So I explained to her that I did not think we were a match, and that I wished her the best but saw no point in either of us wasting our time meeting up. She actually thanked me for my honesty, and we parted cordially.

The important thing to remember here is not to worry about why she was hesitant to meet. Perhaps she is a game player. Perhaps she is just not interested in meeting you for some reason. Perhaps she got a C- in high school biology. Perhaps she is dating four other guys and your timing is bad. IT DOESN'T MATTER. The important thing is to smile that you just weeded out someone not worthy of your time, and say to yourself, NEXT!

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2007 - ApproachDynamics/Online Dating Edge