A Response to, "So, Tell Me Everything I know About You"

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In today's (September 14, 2008) Sunday Styles Section this weeks "Modern Love" piece by Joanna Pearson there's much to discuss. I'll try and keep this pithy, but who knows where it will go.

The piece begins like this: "SEVERAL years ago when I was living in Washington, I met a man the old-fashioned way: tipsily, in a bar. Then I ruined my chances with him the new-fashioned way. I Googled him." I'm not entirely sure that googling him is what ruined it. I think it may have been her views on dating and a touch of low self esteem.

Through out the article Ms. Pearson seems to display a disdain for dating, and some seemingly low self esteem issues. Here's a case in point regarding dating, "[the]dating scene was more about networking than fun." Is the entire dating scene this way? Or just the scenes you chose to frequent, Ms. Pearson?

Now to what I find more interesting, the low self esteem issues. For ease of reading I'll list them:

1. "...a very tall and lanky guy who was looking my way. I checked to the right and left, but no — he was looking at me. This was not what I expected attractive guys to do." Why wouldn't you expect this? Do you not consider yourself to be attractive? Maybe you feel most guys are afraid to show interest, let alone strike up a conversation?

2. "I am also tall... (Not just tall, but somewhere between the most alien-looking runway model and the Statue of Liberty.)" Boy, you sure like knocking yourself. Sure many guys are intimidated by height, but you are making yourself out to be a freak. I bet your a nice looking woman. Be more positive about yourself!

3. "...cool-looking couples held long-stemmed glasses in their slender hands..." Do you not fit in? Why not? Do you have man hands? Pointing out how nice others look makes me think that you think little of yourself.

4. "The three glasses of wine I downed in quick succession did not ease my nerves so much as muddy my short-term memory." Nothing like a drunk girls with low self esteem. Let's learn from her mistake (you can read the article to find out how she embarrasses herself).

The article tells of how she googled her date, learned too much about him, and was scared away by how great he seemed. She felt as though she was not qualified to be with him. This guy didn't even have to use qualifying questions to make her realize he was the prize. She did it to herself. Joanna ends her article with this: "Nowadays, my advice to friends is: never Google a date. No Facebook, MySpace or Technorati, either."

I totally disagree. Unless you have low self esteem and can't handle it, checking out google is a smart thing to do. But there is truth that Ms. Pearson suggests earlier in the article, "Often when you Google someone, you get nothing, or else simply a name twin. Sometimes you get a nice little geeky history." The only reason googling was a bad idea for Ms. Pearson, in my opinion, is her low self esteem. Check out our article on googling a date.

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2008 - All rights reserved
Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics

Dating Women With Money [article]

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I recently came across an interesting article in the New York Times about the problems successful women have while dating guys that make a lot less money than them. The article is entitled 'Putting Money On the Table', and you can check it out here.

As a reminder, this is not something you should be discussing with your significant other until WELL into the relationship. In fact, I never mention it at all. If she is continually trying to raise the issue, you may have a problem child on your hands.

From my experience, it really depends on the woman. In most situations where I have dated women that made more money than me, it has been a non-issue. And in the one situation where it actually WAS a problem, it turns out (as it usually will) that the girl had other issues as well - but at least I was lucky to find that out early.

In short, if you don't make it an issue, neither will she. Having just quit my job to return to school, I can tell you from personal experience that even earning less money than the Boston Mauler will not (in and of itself) prevent you from getting dates - provided, of course, that you have your shit together.

If, however, a woman is on your ass because you are underachieving or are too lazy to go out and get a job, then you might want to take that as a wake up call and get your life in order. No woman wants to date a bum - and they shouldn't have to.

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2007 - All rights reserved
Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics

Approaching Women - 'Hi, I'm an Archaeologist'

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I'll start by saying today was the first time in a LONG time that I was able to get through a newspaper, and remarkably it was the Sunday Times. If you missed the first article we commented on, you can find that link here.

Another article that made me chuckle today was "Did Somebody Say Indiana Jones?" by Stacey Stowe. A while ago we wrote an entry about a buddy of ours that says he is an actuary.

Let me preface the rest of this by saying I'm a big fan of the History Channel and the Discovery Channel, especially shows about space, sharks, and ancient Rome and Egypt. Josh Bernstein, the star of a History Channel show "Digging for the Truth," was the subject of the article. Turns out he has a pretty big fan club, and the women love him!

I wonder if it's that he's a "good looking guy," has a cool job, or a little of both? I can just see it now... "Hi, I'm 'Adam', I'm an archaeologist." After all, Indiana Jones was pretty cool. After reading this, I bet he'll give it a shot.

Oh, by the way, Josh Bernstein is apparently looking for an attractive, blonde, and tall Jewish girl. Any takers?

Alexander Stone & Steven David
Copyright 2007 - ApproachDynamics/Online Dating Edge

Sausage Party in Downtown Manhattan?

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No wonder I jump on the subway and head uptown the second I leave my office...

Today's New York Times had an interesting article regarding demographics in New York City ("Lower Manhattan, Higher Testoterone" by Sam Roberts). It seems that since 2000, most of Lower Manhattan's growth (75% of it in fact!) has been as a result of 25 to 44 year old men moving into the area.

Most of this growth has been attributed to "workaholics" moving closer to the booming post-9/11 World Trade Center/ Wall Street area, with a third of them walking to work. Ladies, the statistics speak for themselves - 126 men for every 100 women - many of them professional eligable bachelors!

In fact, the average income in the area is nearly TWICE that of the rest of Manhattan. Yes, we know money isn't everything and being a gold digger is just about the lowest a woman can go, but as Ben Affleck's character in Boiler Room said: "Anybody who says money isn't everything doesn't have any!" and "They say money can't buy happiness? Look at the smile on my face... ear to ear, baby!"

And yes guys, there's hope for you too according to the article. The rest of Manhattan has a much more appealing ratio for single men - 90 men for every 100 women!

So get out there and start meeting people!

Alexander Stone and Stephen David
Copyright 2007
ApproachDynamics/ OnlineDatingEdge