A Response to, "So, Tell Me Everything I know About You"

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In today's (September 14, 2008) Sunday Styles Section this weeks "Modern Love" piece by Joanna Pearson there's much to discuss. I'll try and keep this pithy, but who knows where it will go.

The piece begins like this: "SEVERAL years ago when I was living in Washington, I met a man the old-fashioned way: tipsily, in a bar. Then I ruined my chances with him the new-fashioned way. I Googled him." I'm not entirely sure that googling him is what ruined it. I think it may have been her views on dating and a touch of low self esteem.

Through out the article Ms. Pearson seems to display a disdain for dating, and some seemingly low self esteem issues. Here's a case in point regarding dating, "[the]dating scene was more about networking than fun." Is the entire dating scene this way? Or just the scenes you chose to frequent, Ms. Pearson?

Now to what I find more interesting, the low self esteem issues. For ease of reading I'll list them:

1. "...a very tall and lanky guy who was looking my way. I checked to the right and left, but no — he was looking at me. This was not what I expected attractive guys to do." Why wouldn't you expect this? Do you not consider yourself to be attractive? Maybe you feel most guys are afraid to show interest, let alone strike up a conversation?

2. "I am also tall... (Not just tall, but somewhere between the most alien-looking runway model and the Statue of Liberty.)" Boy, you sure like knocking yourself. Sure many guys are intimidated by height, but you are making yourself out to be a freak. I bet your a nice looking woman. Be more positive about yourself!

3. "...cool-looking couples held long-stemmed glasses in their slender hands..." Do you not fit in? Why not? Do you have man hands? Pointing out how nice others look makes me think that you think little of yourself.

4. "The three glasses of wine I downed in quick succession did not ease my nerves so much as muddy my short-term memory." Nothing like a drunk girls with low self esteem. Let's learn from her mistake (you can read the article to find out how she embarrasses herself).

The article tells of how she googled her date, learned too much about him, and was scared away by how great he seemed. She felt as though she was not qualified to be with him. This guy didn't even have to use qualifying questions to make her realize he was the prize. She did it to herself. Joanna ends her article with this: "Nowadays, my advice to friends is: never Google a date. No Facebook, MySpace or Technorati, either."

I totally disagree. Unless you have low self esteem and can't handle it, checking out google is a smart thing to do. But there is truth that Ms. Pearson suggests earlier in the article, "Often when you Google someone, you get nothing, or else simply a name twin. Sometimes you get a nice little geeky history." The only reason googling was a bad idea for Ms. Pearson, in my opinion, is her low self esteem. Check out our article on googling a date.

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2008 - All rights reserved
Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics