Facebook Picture Tagging

For more information about our services, including online dating profile rewrites and critiques, live workshops on approaching women and starting conversations as well as private coaching sessions, click here.


Thought we'd share an article from a recent New York Times Education section. Lisa Guernsey's Picture Your Name Here is a great look at Facebook and college life. It reminds us all that what we may think of as private may become public.

There is a quote by a UPENN student, Jim Saksa, that rings true: “Our generation is the first to cope with the necessary assumption that our every action seen by another may in turn be seen by all of our peers."

It turns out Facebook may be a good tool for meeting people, keeping in touch, even finding a date. But it is a double edged sword! It can also make playing the field a challenge.

Is nothing private? Not anymore!

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2008 - All rights reserved
Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics

12 Tips to Constructing a Dating Profile That Gets Women to Contact YOU

For more information about our services, including online dating profile rewrites and critiques, live approach workshops as well as private coaching sessions, click here.

EDITOR'S NOTE - Stephen and I would like to thank everyone in Boston that came out for our presentation last weekend. We look forward to seeing you guys again in the near future.
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The guys that have the most success with online dating are the ones that hardly ever have to send out an opening email (unless they want to, of course). These are the guys whose profiles are so intriguing that they actually have a steady flow of women contacting THEM.

I remember hitting a point a few years ago where I was handling so much incoming traffic that I no longer had the time (or the interest) to actively search for women online. When you find yourself wanting to complain to your buddies that you simply don’t have the time to meet all of these women, you will know that you are doing something right.

Now for the good news. It is not that difficult to make yourself stand out online. All it takes is an initial time investment and some occasional maintenance. And fortunately, all the tools you need to put together your own kick-ass profile are right here on this website.

Here are twelve dos and don’ts for constructing a top-notch profile that will have women contacting YOU:

1. Check out your ‘competition.’ – Before you even worry about what you are going to write, do a profile search of the guys in your geographical area that are close to you in age and height (and make sure you adjust your privacy settings so they wont know you checked them out!). These are the people you will be competing with in your respective dating pool.

What you will notice is that a great majority of these guys are meatheads. Whether they are spewing their resumes, using meaningless adjectives to describe themselves or overtly talking about sex, almost every one of the guys has something in their profile that places them in the JACKASS zone.

Your job is to look for trends in these profiles – and make sure none of them appear anywhere in yours. After all, how can you stand out if you have the same info as everyone else?

2. Make sure that your photos are in order. This is the first place a woman is going to look when she is checking you out. And if you don’t pass the photo test, it doesn’t matter if you have the most eloquently written profile in the history of online dating – she aint gonna read it.

Check out our article entitled, “Online Dating – Your Photos” to ensure that you are not committing any photo blunders that will kill your chances with potential mates.

3. Make sure you have the basics down. These include proper grammar and spelling, use of a passive tone in your essays as well as the avoidance of clichés, meaningless adjectives and pessimistic language.

Our column entitled, “Seven Keys to Creating a Captivating Online Dating Profile” is a MUST READ and covers these areas in much more detail.

4. Be specific about yourself. This is the ‘bait’ that will entice a woman to write to you. Don’t just say you love to travel - talk about that time you walked on fire in California, told Polish jokes in Poland (very slowly) or how you are looking forward to getting back to Sydney. Or instead of proclaiming yourself to be a ‘pop-culture junkie,’ make a comment about how you think that people obsessed with Britney should get a life.

Being unique in your profile accomplishes several things. Not only will this information get women interested in you, but it will also give them something to write to you about. Also, you never know what could prompt a woman to send you an email, so the more interesting stuff you have in your profile, the more potential women you may reach.

The bottom line is this. The more you can express your uniqueness and creativity in your profile, the better you will fare online.



5. Answer ALL of the short answer/essay questions. Not only does this show women that you are serious about the online dating process, but it also gives you another opportunity to include something specific that can prompt a woman to write to you.

6. ‘Update’ your profile approximately once a week. This will put you back at the top of the search list. All you need to do is delete a word from one of your essays, retype it, and hit publish.

7. Include a 'call to action' at the end of your profile. What you want to do here is CHALLENGE her to write to you. You can do this by including something along the lines of, "if you think you can run with me, then START TYPING and let's see what you've got..."

8. Don't start your opening paragraph with the word “I.” This is the easiest way to make yourself stand out from everyone else – look at ten random profiles and you’ll see what I mean.

When a woman is doing a profile search, she will usually only get to see the first few words of someone’s intro paragraph. Having something other than the word I as your opener tells her that your profile has some substance to it, and she is not going to be subjected to another “I am” list. This will get her to click on you and explore further.

9. Don't include any salary information in your profile. Not only is this tacky, but it is also nobody's business.

10. Don’t include your job title in your profile. I know, everyone else is doing it – which is precisely why you should leave it out. It is also boring and non-descriptive.

You have two options here. Option one is to give a vivid description of what you actually do (i.e. instead of martial arts instructor, say “I teach kids how to handle bullies”).

Or you can go for the wiseass approach (my personal favorite), and tell people that you are a miniature golf caddy or you fix used paper clips. For a master list of fake jobs you can use, click here.

11. Don’t spew your resume. You only have a limited amount of space to express yourself in an essay. Why waste it with stuff that can be included elsewhere in your profile? This information may also make you look like you are showing off to try and impress them.

Make sure you leave some mystery in your profile. After she reads what you wrote, you want her thinking, “I love this guy. I wonder how he got to be the way he is. I can’t wait to find out more!”

And finally...

12. DON'T LIE IN YOUR PROFILE. While you should certainly strive to present yourself in your best light, you will not achieve this by making patently false statements. Things such as your age, height, current weight and current occupation are what they are.

Even if you wish things were different (i.e. your age), it is MUCH better to be honest about it than have her catch you in a lie later on (which she WILL). Once your credibility is blown, it is never coming back.

And by the way, this goes for pictures as well. If your photos show you at 185 pounds with a full head of hair, that better be how you currently look. Nothing is worse than showing up for a first meeting only to find that the person you spent time getting to know on email has misrepresented themselves in their photos.

At Approach Dynamics, our goal is to help you present yourself in your best light. Remember, first impressions are EVERYTHING, and having a creative, well-written profile will help you stand out from the crowd - a MUST for success in the online dating world.

We offer a number of different services for online dating, including email and phone consultations to answer any of your individual questions, a detailed critique of your existing online profile, or if you wish, we will write you a new one from scratch (with an emphasis on making sure it sounds like YOU).

We look forward to working with you.

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2008 - All rights reserved
Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics

Online Dating Website Review: Chemistry.com

For more information about our services, including assistance with online dating profile writing and live approach workshops, click here.



With Valentine's Day right around the corner, now would be a good time to set yourself up on one of the various online dating websites. But with so many out there, which one do you choose?

I have been a long-time subscriber to three online dating sites - match.com, jdate.com and chemistry.com. Each of them have their merits, as well as their drawbacks. Over the next week or so, we will take a peek at each of these three sites.

Chemistry.com:

I was one of the chartering members of this site when it first began in 2006. Since then, they have come a long way in attracting quality women.

How it works:

The overall concept is similar to that of eHarmony.com - sans the 200+ question survey (and the prospect of being REJECTED after investing all that time filling it out). You may have seen Chemistry.com's recent advertising campaign where they feature people that eHarmony rejected.

But as is the case with eHarmony, Chemistry.com does not give you the option of searching for potential matches. Rather, matches are sent directly to your account - the number of which depends on your search criteria and your geographic area. I usually get about 4 per day.

Step 1 - Setting up your profile:

From what I recall, there are a number of questions you have to answer in order to set up your profile (but nowhere near as many as eHarmony). And some of these questions were downright weird (i.e. describe the shape of your hand). But the majority of your profile is the same as it would be on any other dating website. When I joined, I had my match.com profile transferred directly over to Chemistry. I am not sure how it is now.

Step 2 - Choosing a match:

Once you have your matches sent to you by the website, you then have the opportunity to choose whether or not you are interested in that particular person. You do this by moving a sliding ruler to either the left (not interested) or the right (interested).

If you are interested in the other person (or vice-versa), they are then sent an e-mail and given the opportunity to choose whether or not they are interested in you. If they are, it's on! If not, the match is removed from your inbox and you are no longer able to contact that person. Nothing personal, of course.

If there is a match, you then move to the next step which is known as "Relationship Essentials." This is basically a series of short questions in which you indicate your preferences for certain things. You do this by once again moving a sliding scale to the left or to the right. You then send your answers to the other person, and in return, they send you theirs for a compatibility check.

The good thing is that you only have to answer these questions once - as they are saved on the system (you are free to change your answers at any time). However, I don’t think anyone really pays attention to them, unless there is something specific you consider to be a dealbreaker (i.e. "earns a good living").

Once you make it through this section, you then move on to the short answer questions. In the short answer section, each person has the opportunity to ask their counterpart two questions that require a type-written answer. The website gives you the option of creating your own questions, or choosing from a series of pre-written ones that are on the website.

But do yourself a favor and come up with your own - I can't tell you how many compliments I have received from women for not asking the same questions as everyone else. If you need help coming up with some, read our article on "The Use of Qualifying Questions."

Sadly, most people end up using Chemistry’s stock questions. So here is a tip – once you come up with an answer to these pre-written questions, save them as a word document so they can be reused next time! The ones I usually get are, "What are your guilty pleasures?,” and "What is the most important thing you have learned from a past relationship?"

Once you make it through this stage (and assuming both parties are still interested – either side can choose to close the match at any time), you are then free to e-mail each other on the website. At this point you are pretty much on your own.

Advantages:

1. Quality of women – Overall, I have been pretty impressed with the women I have met on Chemistry.com. I have found them to be well-educated, articulate and more serious about seeking a long-term relationship than their counterparts on other dating sites.

2. It's easy to use – after you make the initial time investment setting up your profile, it is pretty much automated from there on. Even the short answer questions become almost 'cut and paste' after a little while.

3. It 'forces' you to have a 'back and forth' with a woman before you get to the email stage. By the time you get to the e-mail stage, you actually feel as if you almost know the person. This makes it easier to send an e-mail (and subsequently ask for her number), as a little bit of rapport has been developed. I have been doing this sort of thing for years, but for some people that tend to be a little too eager online, this 'forced delay' is a good move.

Disadvantages:

1. You can't search for matches – You are left at the mercy of the Chemistry gods for your potential dates. Plus, you only get about four matches per day, and there is no way to prevent the website from sending you matches without photos. As you know, profiles without photos are to be automatically deleted.

2. The website also offers users an option to reveal their photographs at a later step, rather than at the time you are initially viewing their profile. This is unacceptable. If they can see your pictures, you should have every right to see theirs. If you run into one of these profiles, just delete it.

3. Customer service leaves a little to be desired. I recently had an issue on the website, and after speaking with customer service, I was promised it would be taken care of. It was not. I had to send two follow-up e-mails before my problem was fixed.

Conclusion:

By far, the most important factor in choosing an online dating website is the quality of people you are going to meet. In this respect, chemistry.com has delivered the goods. I highly recommend this site.

And as for my issue with customer service, while annoying, the fact of the matter is that you are not going to have to deal with them very often. But at least they speak English, so you won't have to worry about dealing with "Ricky" from Bangalore.

For a free seven-day trial of Chemistry.com, click the link below:



Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2008 - All rights reserved
Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics