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Here's Michelle Hill with a follow-up to last week's article about going with your gut. This is the story of a guy who started off well but soon found himself in a world of hurt. And to make matters worse, this guy is 36!
Let's see if we can count the mistakes this dude made...
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Little did I know that my blog last week would be so timely. I took my own advice last weekend and thank god I did! Something wasn’t feeling right with a guy I had been talking to, so I cancelled our date, and then he totally freaked out. By following my instincts, I avoided what could have been a total disaster.
Here’s what happened. I met a guy online, and all seemed to be going well – witty and unique profile, clever banter via email and phone conversations that had no uncomfortable pauses. So, we made plans to meet. That’s when things started to go wrong.
His first mistake was not having a plan. He kept asking me if I had any ideas on what to do, and ultimately, I ended up coming up with the plan for the date. Strike one. Next, he called and texted me A LOT before our date. It was too much upfront contact before the first meeting. Strike two. And, the texts he was sending me started to become very bizarre: “Things that I like on a summer day: spaghetti straps, espadrilles, low rise jeans, big bright smiles. Just thought id share.” Heh? What? Strike three. I was actually starting to dread our meeting. Something was just not feeling right. Keeping with my theme of going with my gut, I decided to cancel. Boy, did I make the right decision! Below is the unedited version of the texts he sent to me during the following 24 hour period.
“Wtf”
“Y r u doing this?”
“Did i say something SO fucked up that i dont even deserve a phone call?”
“Was it the espadrilles or the spaghetti straps?”
“Im sorry i didnt meet ur expectations. Usually i dont get my heart broken until after i meet the girl. But this is fine, too.”
“Why dont u take the high road and be the stand up woman that i know u are!”
And then FINALLY after I replied asking him to stop contacting me, he wrote:
“I will respect ur wishes but am very confused and hurt. Thanks.”
Okay, all together now, can we say PSYCHO?? This is the reaction I got from this guy for canceling, when we hadn’t even met yet! What would have happened if we had dated for a while and I then ended things? What would his reaction have been then? Clearly, this is an example of how NOT to handle rejection (you need a thick skin in the dating world!) as well as an excellent demonstration of why you should go with your gut!
-Michelle Hill
Michelle@approachdynamics.com
********MY COMMENTS********
Yeah, going with your gut (along with a nicely-timed phone call to yours truly) can work wonders for your dating life. But I digress.
So what can we learn from this fiasco?
1. Guys, when a woman asks you what you want to do, and you respond with, "I don't know... what do YOU want to do?', you are DONE. In fact, a woman should never even have to ask you that question in the first place. HAVE A PLAN. In fact, have a BACKUP plan too.
2. Before you guys meet for the first time (and even afterwards to a degree), the SOLE purpose of using the telephone is to make plans to meet. Once you guys set up a meeting, DO NOT contact her again before the date. It just aint worth the risk.
3. Also remember, nothing counts in the world of online dating until you guys actually meet face to face. It is also hard to read a person's sarcasm and teasing until you have a real interaction. So chizzle with the text mizzle. Ya dizzle?
4. Finally, NEVER let them know they got to you. We have talked about this before. Handle rejection with grace and class. Who knows? The chemistry may not have been there with her, but maybe she has a friend...
Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2007 - All rights reserved
Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics
