Thank you for all of your support over the years. We are proud to announce that we have officially launched our Twitter account.
You can find us at: www.twitter.com/DatingAdvisors
We will be tweeting dating tips and advice, as well as offering discounts and specials on our various services (including online dating profile critiques and consultations).
For more information about our services, including online dating profile rewrites and critiques, live workshops on approaching women and starting conversations as well as private coaching sessions, click here.
Follow these and you'll be all set!
POSITIVE COMMANDMENTS:
1. Always know what you are looking for in a woman;
2. If you determine that a particular woman is NOT what you are looking for, move on*;
3. Always make sure you are different than any other guy online (in a positive way);
4. Always present yourself in your best light;
5. Always get off the computer, and into an in-person meeting ASAP.
NEGATIVE COMMANDMENTS:
6. Never lie or misrepresent yourself anywhere in your profile;
7. Never copy all or part of someone else’s dating profile;
8. Never put salary information or anything else in your profile that hints that you have (or don’t have) money;
9. Never have spelling and/or grammar errors anywhere in your profile;
10. Never wait more than two emails to ask a woman for her phone number.
*Realize that NO ONE is perfect, not even you! That being said, move on and don't waste time (yours or her's) if you are unhappy.
Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2009 - All rights reserved
Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics
For more information about our services, including online dating profile rewrites and critiques, live workshops on approaching women and starting conversations as well as private coaching sessions, click here. 
We have received a number of emails about our appearance on Candace Bushnell's "Sex, Success and Sensibility" and we thank you for your support. For those of you that do not have Sirius and want a recap, here you go (by the way, our advice and opinions on these topics can be found by searching key terms in the search bar at the top and bottom of this column):
COMMUNICATION BREAKDOWNS – texting, calling, IMing, e-mailing . . . what are the “rules”, if any?
DATING DEAL BREAKERS – what makes a relationship keep moving forward and what ends it before it has even began?
THE RULES OF HOOKING UP – how soon do you start sleeping together, casual sex, etc...
TAKING RELATIONSHIPS TO NEXT LEVEL – when is it time to move in together, get married, etc...
ONLINE DATING – are rules different than if you met elsewhere? Do girls and guys have different expectations online?
During this segment, online dating expert Alexander Stone provided a poignant and powerful explanation of the "dos and don'ts" of online dating. He explained the different goals various individuals have when it comes to online dating, and relationships in general.
MARRIAGE 101 – what do you tolerate from your spouse’s interactions with the opposite sex, what’s considered cheating, etc...
During this segment, relationship guru Stephen David provided candid incite into the world of long term relationships and marriage. The concept of cheating was discussed from both a male and female point of view. Further, the use of the internet as a tool for extramarital affairs was discussed.
And as a reminder, Sirius will be replaying last week's broadcast all day Thursday, May 1, 2008. We have the last two 20 minute segments.
If you are not currently a subscriber, you can sign up for a free 3-day membership here.
Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2008 - All rights reserved
Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics
For more information about our services, including online dating profile rewrites and critiques, live workshops on approaching women and starting conversations as well as private coaching sessions, click here.
This whole "Earth Hour" thing and www.storyofstuff.com got me thinking...
Well, the price of oil must be up (not as high as it has been in the last couple of weeks, I know)! How do I know? Because "ecofriendly," "environmentally friendly," "green," and "sustainable" are all big buzz words again. Don't take this as a negative view of these terms. In fact, I consider myself to be "environmentally conscious" in my actions. That being said I also understand that sometimes local is better than organic, and a nonhybrid can be a lot better than a hybrid. Has being green become a fashion statement? Not that there is anything wrong with that, if it has (read: it has). In fact, maybe its a good thing? A way of waking up the masses?
Enough pontification- what's the point and how does it relate to this site? Well, we've brought up niche dating in the past, and I just discovered a new niche dating craze. Green dating. Check out the Green Girls Guide - Gigi's Blog for a list of green online dating sites, as well as a vocabulary lesson that includes terms like, ecosexual and eco hoe. Sounds saucy!
I spent some time searching through a few of these green dating sites, as if I were a prospective member. I am all too familiar with niche dating sites and knew the pool of prospective matches would be small. I had no idea just how small some would be! One site found 30 matches for a woman age 18 to 40 in the New York City area. The NYC area extended to BUFFALO, NY! If you are unfamiliar with New York geography, Buffalo and NYC are approximately 400 miles away! Some sites are relatively new and will grow, but remember, with niche dating, by definition, you are narrowing your field of potential mates. (Make sure the issue is important enough for you!)
Another issue I found while perusing the sites, were a dearth of creative or quality profiles. That is not to say a lack of quality people. I am sure many of them are as they proclaim themselves to be: "beautiful soul," "loving Earth child," and "care-taker of all that is natural and pure." If you plan on venturing onto one of these sites, take it seriously. Make sure the issue is important enough to wipe out the majority of potential mates/dates. And write a quality profile. If you need us, we're here.
Tree huggers, hippies, greenies, vegetarians, vegans, defenders of environmental justice, fair trade pushers, buy local junkies, organic heads, and alike fear not; There is a dating site out there for you!
At one point Kermit was right. But it seems to have become easier to be green.
Youtube.com "sesame street - its not easy being green" Thanks Kermit!
Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2008 - All rights reserved
Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics
For more information about our services, including online dating profile rewrites and critiques, live workshops on approaching women and starting conversations as well as private coaching sessions, click here.
Chemistry.com (check out our review of Chemistry here) now has a drop-down box where you are supposed to select the reason you decided not to choose someone. Unfortunately, all of the options (‘not a good fit,’ ‘different interests,’ ‘no chemistry based on short answers,’ etc.) are politically correct and tell you nothing.
Here’s how I would do it:
1. She UGLY;
2. I had to use Mapquest to find out where her town is;
3. She hasn’t been 33 since the Nixon administration;
4. She has the personality of a mop;
5. I have no interest in helping you raise money to rescue your country’s kidnapped prince;
6. She has spelling/grammar errors in her profile, but she claims to be an EDITOR;
7. This party girl is probably a walking petri dish of STDs;
8. She’s a money-grubbing bizatch;
9. If she REALLY didn’t play games, she wouldn’t have mentioned games in the first place;
10. She only has headshots on her profile, and we ALL know what that means…
Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2008 - All rights reserved
Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics
For more information about our services, including assistance with online dating profile writing, as well as live approach workshops, click here.
On Valentine's Day, CNN.com ran an article titled, Be a savvy consumer when looking for love online. My reaction to the article is "WOW, really?" You'll understand this reaction after you read the article for yourself. Could any of this be more obvious? I guess not. It always amazes me when I read about someone being duped in these ways. Let's all finally learn from these mistakes!
"WOW, really?" #1- "They talked on the phone several times a day, everyday. He was engaging. He gave great advice. He was even supposed to visit her parents in Houston. But then, he started asking for money, with promises to pay her back. In two months, Kate wired him a total of $2,000. Not to mention the phone bill she was stuck with for $1,500. To this day she has not seen him -- or her money."
Come on. I mean really. Naive isn't even the word to describe this. Sad thing is she's not alone, complaints like this apparently flood the Better Business Bureau all the time. Approach Dyanamics rule of the day- DON'T LOAN MONEY TO SOMEONE YOU HAVEN'T EVEN MET! And don't waste your time trying to meet people that live on the other side of the planet. We have covered this before.
"WOW, really?" #2- "Complaint No. 1 [to the BBB] about matchmaking is, well, bad matches. Singles were set up with were smokers, people who weren't religious or lived too far away. In some cases, matches were already married!" Again, come on! Complaining because of imperfect matches? Reality check, nothing is perfect. These matches are provided to you, but in the end it is you who decides if someone is right or wrong for you, not a computer.
Here is a sobering thought about the people running these matchmaking services. One of the WORST dates I have ever had was a prominent New York City matchmaker. She would consistently show up late, had HORRIFIC manners, lacked any consideration for anyone other than herself and once offered to buy a round of drinks (keyword... ONCE), only to call me 'cheap' when I called her out on it after she refused to pay the check. And then she actually sent me an email wondering why I stopped calling her! Yes, folks. Here is an example of someone you are shelling over 2 grand (or more) to find your soulmate. So consider yourself warned - buyer beware.
"WOW, really?" #3- "More than 63 percent of complaints were about accounts that were automatically renewed after a contract or trial period expired." Companies like match.com are notorious for renewing people to long-term subscriptions without at least first giving them a heads-up that their original subscription is about to expire. And their excuse when you call and try to reverse the charge? That you failed to cancel before your original term expired - so now you are 'stuck with the renewal.' If you find yourself in this mess, ask to speak to a supervisor and don't take no for an answer. Be persistent, and they will eventually refund your money.
Or even better, stay on top of your own subscription period and make sure you abide by their terms and conditions. Although their business practices are somewhat shady in this realm (and I don't see the logic in giving their customers a hard time), it is not match.com's responsibility to babysit their customers. Take responsibility.
Let me end this response with a quick comment. There are more than 12 million people currently using online dating. There have been countless success stories, and unfortunately some horror stories as well. Bottom line - be careful and use your common sense.
Happy dating!
Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2008 - All rights reserved
Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics
For more information about our services, including online dating profile rewrites and critiques, as well as live approach workshops, click here.
I am almost afraid to give this one away.
One thing that has propelled my success online (other than changing my job description) is the use of creative, informative questions that help you really get to know a woman.
Women are sick and tired of guys asking them the same retarded questions about where they are from, where they went to school, etc. Get creative!
Other than our presentation in Boston last summer, I have yet to see anyone address this stuff - until now. Here is a great article from Yahoo Personals entitled, Great questions for sparking online conversations.'
In the article, author Rad Dewey (with Jaime Rodriguez, Jr.) gives actual, word for word examples of questions you can use immediately with women online. These include the following:
1. If our moms were setting us up on a blind date, what three things would your mom tell mine about you?
2. What's your favorite beach in the world?
3. What's the next country you want to visit?
4. What one thing are you craving today?
5. What CDs are in your car or home stereo right now?
6. What are three of your guilty pleasures?
7. What was the last book you read? Did you enjoy it?
8. What is must-see TV for you?
9. If you met the right person, how many children would you have?
(Dewey, Rad. "Great questions for sparking online conversations." Yahoo Personals, 2007. See above for URL link).
Now ideally, you are going to want to come up with your own questions - but these are definitely a good start. I tested the first one out yesterday and got a 169 word response - to that question alone!
But do yourself a favor and stick to the author's suggestions. A lot of people chimed in at the bottom with questions they use, and most of them are either too situation-specific or just flat out suck.
Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2008 - All rights reserved
Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics
For more information about our services, including online dating profile rewrites and critiques, live workshops on approaching women and starting conversations as well as private coaching sessions, click here.
I recently came across an article entitled, “Why 90% Of Men Give Up Online Dating Within 3 Months,” by Jason King. Although the article is somewhat basic in nature, King does bring up some good points as to why many guys get nowhere with online dating.
First off, guys have absolute no business sending flirts – unless, of course, you want to let the woman know you have absolutely no balls. Suck it up and send an email.
Next, take some time and work on your profile. If you show a woman that you are taking this seriously, you will reap the benefits. If you want, we will be happy to either critique your existing profile or write you one from scratch.
Finally, make sure you include some photos. Profiles without photos are automatically passed over by virtually all serious online daters. If you don’t have a picture attached to your profile, you might as well not even bother to post it – this goes for women as well.
The key is to make sure you are NOT one of the more than 90% of guys that are complete failures when it comes to online dating. A little effort is all it takes to stand out from the crowd.
Happy dating!
Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2008 - All rights reserved
Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics
For more information about our services, including online dating profile rewrites and critiques, as well as live approach workshops, click here.
Here is the second half of our 15 dating tips for 2008. For Part 1, click here.
15 Dating Tips for 2008 (Part 2):
9. Don’t do anything expensive on a first meeting, especially if you're going out with somebody you met online. Coffee or tea work great. If you like, agree to meet at a place where there are other things close by you can move to if the date is going well (i.e. bowling alley, pool hall, etc.). If, for whatever reason, you are worried about getting suckered into taking her to dinner, meet later in the evening (i.e. 8pm) and casually mention that you already ate.
10. Ever wonder how you can tell if a woman is interested in you? KISS HER. ALWAYS go for a kiss at the end of the first date. If it is a girl you met online, the first meeting does not necessarily count as a ‘first date,’ and in that case, make sure you go for a kiss by the end of the second meeting. If she does not kiss you back, get rid of her. This is a clear sign that she is not interested and you are wasting your time.
11. Even a bad date can yield some positive results. I was out with someone earlier this year – Harvard MBA, top exec at a Fortune 100 company, blah blah blah. In between the drill-sergeant/job interview questions (including my favorite – ‘do you own or rent?’), she gave me the name of a kick-ass improv class which I ended up taking. She also made a compelling argument for quitting your job and going back to grad school full-time rather than part-time – which I took into consideration when I made the move this past summer. Not bad for a 45 minute date which cost me less than 20 bucks. And in case you were wondering, I didn’t answer ANY of her stupid questions.
12. Always have a stupid answer ready for any stupid questions she may throw at you. Check out our recent article for some help on how to answer the dreaded ‘What do you do?’ question.
13. When it comes to dating, a little spontaneity is always good – but make sure you set a time limit on it. A well-placed, “drinks tonite?’ text message or email can work wonders – as long as you don’t put yourself in a position where you are now stuck waiting for her response. Make sure you add something along the lines of, “This message will self-destruct in 2 hours.”
14. Dating is not done in a vacuum and people are not robots (well… you know what I mean). There will be situations where it may be okay to ‘violate’ one of the above rules. But this only comes with practice. In the meantime, don’t beat yourself up if you make a mistake – you will. Just learn from it and get it right the next time.
15. Remember guys – THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE FUN. If you are not enjoying your dating life, you are doing something wrong. Feel free to drop us an email if you have any questions about anything, or if you like, take advantage of our profile rewriting services or one of our live approach workshops.
Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2008 - All rights reserved
Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics
For more information about our services, including online dating profile rewrites and critiques, as well as live approach workshops, click here.
One of the most important things I took from yesterday’s column (other than the information itself) is the fact that there is MUCH more to life than just dating. Even if your game is tight and you have women throwing themselves at your feet, you still need to make sure you have the rest of your life in order if you plan on keeping any of them around. This includes your finances, hobbies, job, living arrangement, friends, your health, and so on.
Every year around this time, I sit down and compile a list of my goals/plans for the coming year. I am not a huge proponent of the ‘New Year's Resolution’ – if you want to give up smoking, go on a diet or join a gym, just do it. You shouldn’t need an arbitrary future date to start going after what you want. However, this IS a good time of the year to assess where you are and where you would like to go.
I have been looking back over the past year’s articles, emails from you guys as well as my own dating life and have come up with a list of dating tips for the coming year. What was originally going to be a Letterman-esque top ten list has turned into 15. So I am going to do this one in two parts. Enjoy!
15 Dating Tips for 2008:
1. If a woman flakes on plans for your first meeting, get rid of her. If this is how she is making a first impression, you can only imagine what’s to come in the future. I had a situation this year where I (reluctantly) agreed to reschedule after a girl cancelled plans on me an hour before we were supposed to meet – and ended up having a really good time. However, after we made plans to hang out the next week, she flaked on me again last minute. Lesson learned.
2. Nothing matters until you meet in person. This is why it is so important to get to a first meeting as quickly as possible. Having a great ‘connection’ online or on the phone is meaningless until you see each other face to face. I can't tell you the amount of times I used to think I had found ‘the one’ online, only to be utterly disappointed when we actually met.
3. Don't rush into things too quickly with a woman you like. Even if the two of you hit it off from the get-go, try and keep the pace slow. Rushing into a relationship will inevitably lead to burnout. Remember, a relationship is a marathon, not a sprint.
4. Avoid going on group dates early on. For the first 60 - 90 days of the relationship, make your dates just you and her. There will be plenty of time for you to meet each other's friends once you have survived that critical early period and become a couple.
5. Even if you have an excellent first date, you are not yet home free. I had a first meeting this summer which ended up going until 3am (with both of us having work the next morning). However, when I tried to make plans to hang out again, I discovered she was a total psycho. Perhaps one day I’ll post the text messages…
6. Be careful of shit tests from women. There is plenty of material out there on how to pass them (which you should definitely learn how to do), but you still need to decide for yourself whether it is worth the trouble in the long run. While testing from women is to be expected, some women take the process a little bit too far. Decide for yourself how much you would be willing to tolerate and avoid women that go beyond that. NEVER sacrifice your overall comfort level for a woman - NO woman is cute enough to have to endure a constant barrage of judging.
7. If a girl writes to you online, and you are pretty certain you're not going to be interested in her, don't waste everyone’s time by writing her back. Just move on.
8. NEVER accept “definitely maybe" plans. When you call a woman to make plans, make sure that you hang up with a definite date, time and place to meet. Do not put yourself in a situation where you have to “call her back and confirm" prior to meeting. If she says anything along lines of “give me a call earlier that day so we can confirm that were still on,” tell her that you don't like to make maybe plans and that when you make plans you stick to them and there should not be any reason you should have to call and confirm that day. If she likes you, she will appreciate that you are being decisive and will agree to meet.
However, if she pushes the matter further, she is telling you that she has low interest in meeting you and she is going to let you hang until something better comes along. Just cancel on the spot. You should never put yourself in a situation where you are wondering whether or not she is going to show.
Tomorrow - Tips 9-15
Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2008 - All rights reserved
Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics
For more information about our services, including online dating profile rewrites and critiques, as well as live approach workshops, click here.
Alexander & Stephen,
I have recently returned to online dating after breaking up with my girlfriend. I am noticing on my internet dating account that someone keeps clicking on my profile. I am getting a vibe that it is my ex ‘checking up on me.’ Should I call her out on it or tell her to knock it off?
Sean from DC
********MY COMMENTS********
IGNORE IT.
Don’t even bother calling her out on it. She’ll deny everything and try to make it look like YOU are the jealous ex. Ignore her.
But if you really want to have some fun with her, you can send the ‘profile girl’ a quick message calling her out on the fact that she keeps clicking on you.
“Well, are you going to say hello already or what? All my stalker positions are currently filled, so I am going to have to limit you to nine clicks per day unless you have something interesting to say.”
Good luck!
Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2007 - All rights reserved
Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics
For more information about our services, including online dating profile rewrites and critiques, as well as live approach workshops, click here.
Alexander,
If a girl i met online leaves me a voicemail less than an hour before we are supposed to meet for the first time flaking on me, do I owe her the courtesy of a callback acknowledging I got her message?
********MY COMMENTS********
NO.
You don't owe her ANYTHING.
An hour before you are supposed to meet? Are you kidding me?
If you are anything like me, by this point you have already turned down several other offers for plans, shined your shoes and have made sure the place you are going to has a good table waiting for you. Hell of a way to make a first impression, eh?
Anyone who does this last minute is telling you that they are incapable of keeping their word and have absolutely no consideration for other people's time.
I have been giving our previous article on this topic some more thought, and I am feeling more and more comfortable with my gut reaction to just get rid of her (unless, of course, it is something serious like a death in her family or she got mauled by a woodpecker).
The last time someone cancelled on me last minute, I called her back and said in my voicemail, "Yeah, no worries. You ACTUALLY ended up doing me a really big favor." But I said it in such a way that she couldnt tell if I was referring to her or something else.
NEVER sound pissed in your message. You don't want to let her know that she got to you.
That's how I handle it. But again, I dont think a callback is compulsory under these circumstances.
Now if you REALLY want to have some fun with her, don't call her back, and then send her an email later that night apologizing for flaking on HER.
Tell her your phone died and you couldn't make it because something came up (pick ANYTHING), and you are sorry you did not have any way to get in touch with her. Apologize profusely, tell her you hope she wasn't waiting too long and ask her if there is any way you can make it up to her.
See how she reacts. Always good fun!
Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2007 - All rights reserved
Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics
For more information about our services, including online dating profile rewrites and critiques, as well as live approach workshops, click here.
Here is an article from MSN entitled, 'Dating Around Online', by Evan Marc Katz. In his article, Katz lists five "techniques" for successfully dating multiple women online.
The third paragraph of his article describes me to a tee:
"I found myself corresponding with ten women simultaneously, speaking on the phone to five, and going out with three with regularity." Guys, once you get your profiles in order, this type of scenario is easily attainable.
Now while I agree wholeheartedly with his first two 'techniques' (Dont Ask, Dont Tell & Make Your Date Feel Special), his final three ideas leave a lot to be desired.
His first idea, "Dont ask, don't tell", is self-explanatory (and COMMON SENSE). When it comes to other women (other than mom, of course), KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT. Just as it is none of her business who YOU are dating, it is none of your business who SHE may be dating (at least at the beginning).
I'll make it simple for you. Yes, she is dating other guys - and this is a GOOD thing. This way she will see what a great guy you are (as compared to the other chodes out there), and she will not be wondering 'what-if?' when you guys end up dating long-term.
The second concept, "Make your date feel special" is also common sense. Check out our article on "Online Dating: The First Meeting" for some tips on how to pull this off.
Now here is where Katz's article starts to go astray...
Katz's third point, "Know that the rules change once you get physical," is a bit off-kilter. Actually, the rules don't change until you WANT them to (i.e. you decide to date this girl more seriously or it's time to move on). Getting physical does not necessarily have anything to do with that.
His next suggestion, "Take your date’s relationship goals into account," is confusing. Just how is a guy supposed to know what is going on in the mind of a woman anyway? As long as you are not leading her on and she is clear where you stand, this is not your problem.
To put it another way, if you are looking for a casual relationship, but are calling her every day, introducing her to your friends and family and inviting her out on Saturday nights, then you are a jerk (and not in the good, 'attractive' way).
Additionally, if she makes her intentions clear to you and you do not feel the same way, then you have an obligation to tell her and let her go. Don't lead women on - it's not cool.
The article's final 'tip' is that, "If your date asks, tell the truth."
Heh? What?
What happened to Don't Ask, Don't Tell?
If a woman asks you if you are seeing other people, you have two options as to how to respond:
1. "Not too many... how many women are YOU seeing?", or
2. "THOUSANDS"
and then CHANGE THE SUBJECT.
Deflect, and diffuse with humor.
NEVER answer this question - there is no 'right' answer you can give here. Too many, and you are a player. Too few, and she will think she has you in her back pocket.
Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2007 - All rights reserved
Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics
For more information about our services, including online dating profile rewrites and critiques, as well as live approach workshops, click here.
There's nothing wrong with being picky. It use to be that if one found it difficult to find their "ideal" match friends would say, "you're being too picky!" It doesn't seem to be that way for many people these days. Because of the internet people from all walks of life have been brought closer together.
Looking for someone tall? Small? Ivy graduate? Wealthy? Disabled? There is a dating website out there for you. CNN.com recently posted an interesting article on the topic, check it out. And if you need help crafting that PERFECT profile or just want to touch up yours, check out our services page.
Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2007 - All rights reserved
Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics
For more information about our services, including online dating profile rewrites and critiques, as well as live approach training, click here.
"Not everyone can -- or should -- fight fires, race
cars, paint portraits, or sing karaoke publicly. It's
fine; we're all different, and as Jane Austen said,
"One half of the world cannot understand the pleasure
of the other." Online dating is no different."
8 Reasons Why Online Dating Is Not For You, by
Chelsea Summers is straight forward and honest. If you
are going to try online dating you need to put time into
it. We can help by putting together a great profile,
or commenting on and improving your own. You also
need to check your email; that part is up to you!
For more information about our services, including online dating profile rewrites and critiques, as well as live approach training, click here.
Today we welcome back Michelle Hill with some insight on listening to that little voice inside your head...
********
In this crazy world of dating (heck, in this crazy life), I think we can always learn from our experiences. I learned a long time ago to trust my gut when it comes to men. I had always done so in other areas of my life, but for some reason, I had neglected to carry that philosophy over into my dating life. Now that I use this simple methodology, I can avoid the ‘undesirables’ right off the bat.
In the following examples, I had an inkling of what was to come but proceeded to move forward with each of these guys, despite that little voice in my head that told me not to.
BORING GUY
When given the opportunity to describe himself, this is what he wrote:
“Hi. I am not sure i can describe myself on an paragraph. I rather talk to you on phone or in person and tell you all about me. So feel free to ask. What am I looking for? What are we all looking for?”
Yawn. Hello? This was his first opportunity to make a good impression and differentiate himself from the rest of the drones out there, and this is the best he could do? I was already bored by this guy but yet for some reason I agreed to meet up with him. Surprise, surprise, he was about as spicy as white rice.
SEX GUY
After exchanging MAYBE two emails, this guy jumped very quickly into very flirty, almost provocative discussions:
“You are not trying to get frisky now are ya. I might like that :) ok, I have to blackmail you. What do you think is my sexiest feature and then I will answer :)”
I admit it, I was sort of intrigued. However, on our first real date, he planted a kiss on me in the middle of the street before we even got to the bar, and I spent half of the rest of the night telling him to take it easy because he was coming on WAY too strong. It should come as no shocker that after we went out for a few weeks, he asked if we could have a strictly sexual relationship.
DUMB GUY
This was one of his emails to me, WORD FOR WORD:
“so how was your new years?
what did you do?
me I went to a house party in brooklyn with my brother who is home from school and abunch of friends, it was a pritty low key new years this year.
and your from Philly thats cool Iv bin there a cupple times...
hope to talk to you soon
you good-time-having lady”
I can understand a few typos here and there or maybe a missed punctuation mark, but “cupple”? “pritty”? “bin”? Needless to say, when we spoke on the phone, it was like having a conversation with a six year old. At least I was smart enough to not go out with this one.
The big lesson here is that if you suspect that something is not quite right with someone you are talking to, your gut is probably onto something – listen to your instincts! May as well weed out the freaks, weirdos, lame ones (fill in the blank here with whatever applies) early on and save yourself the trouble later!
Michelle Hill
********
Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2007 - All rights reserved
Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics
For more information about our services, including online dating profile rewrites and critiques, as well as live approach training, click here.
Guys, if your emails sound anything like what this dude wrote (sent to us by one of our concerned female readers), you really need to contact us IMMEDIATELY so we can help you out.
Enjoy!
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hello how are you doing today its a beutiful day here in my house?
wow you seems like a jewel ...wow for some day since i have being browsing profiles here your profile is different and unique and i am very sure you are unique.
well when i saw your pics my eyes reacted ,when i read your profile my mind was attracted ...and when i get a mail from you sure my heart will react to that in knowing you .thousands are on here i have rejected them cos of the uniqueness you have i have decided to e mail you cos you have being selected.you are a ....short of words!!!!!
i you cane mail me on xxxxxxx@yahoo.com [emphasis added for shock value]
Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2007 - All rights reserved
Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics
For more information about our services, including online dating profile rewrites and critiques, as well as live approach training, click here.
Today we welcome back our female correspondent, Michelle Hill, with her take on internet dating.
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Online Dating - A Woman's Perspective:
The whole point of this online dating thing is to actually get out from behind your computer and meet people in real life, right? So how do you make your profile interesting enough, witty enough and intriguing enough to solicit a contact or a response to your email? Here are some tips on what works and what doesn’t work, from a woman’s perspective.
1. Answer all of the questions. Actually put some effort into it. If you don’t put effort into putting your best foot forward, how do you expect to attract the best match for you? How will anyone get to know anything about you? Don’t say things like “Ask me” or “I’ll fill this in later” or “Almost to the character limit”. If you’re too lazy to fill out a silly questionnaire, she’s going to think you’re lazy about lots of other things too.
2. Be original. Better yet, be YOU. Make your profile stand out from the hundreds of other dudes out there who write things like “I like to laugh” and “my friends and family are important to me”. There should be at least three or four things in your profile that can’t be found in anyone else’s. This will give her an idea about what you might have in common or maybe even give her something to comment on in her email.
3. Be descriptive. Give examples of things you’ve done that make you interesting or tell a story about a time you were really funny/adventurous/embarrassed/wasted, whatever. Make it easy for her to visualize the situation. It will make you seem more like a real person, and not just some random anonymous picture on a website.
4. Let’s face it, she’s going to want to know what you look like too. Make sure the picture is a good representation of you. If you don’t have any good pics, ask a friend to take some or bring a camera out with you one night. Those self-portraits taken with camera phones or webcams make you look green and just plain creepy. And smile. Smiling is contagious.
5. Don’t lie. If you lie about your height, the amount of hair on your head, your age, whether or not you have kids, whatever, she’s going to find out. You should be comfortable enough with yourself and your situation to be up front about it. I have a friend who recently went out with a guy who put up a picture of himself with a full head of hair, but when she met up with him, he was totally balding. She was totally fine with the baldness, but couldn’t get past the fact that he had been dishonest.
The most important thing to remember when crafting your profile is that this should be a true representation of you. Spend time making sure it’s good, and you will stand out from the endless sea of other guys out there. Believe me, even if she is not sure how she feels about your appearance, if she’s intrigued by what you’ve written (or more importantly about who you are), she’s going to be much more likely to respond when you reach out to her or even to contact you on her own. And do yourself a favor and apply the same logic when deciding who you want to contact or respond to. If you’re not 100% about her pics but are intrigued by what she’s written, give her a shot. You never know.
By the way, if you’re looking for some professional assistance with your profile, the guys at Approach Dynamics know what they are doing. I may or may not have contacted one of them because his profile was so well written…
Michelle Hill
Michelle@ApproachDynamics.com
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Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2007 - All rights reserved
Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics
For more information about our services, including online dating profile rewrites and critiques, as well as live approach training, click here.
"If you want a dating life that's free from disaster,
you need to invest in a little insurance. As hurricane
victims know, it does no good to buy insurance after
the storm has wreaked its damage. Here's how to get
your own dating insurance package together:"
5 Steps to Disaster-Proof Your Dating, by Kathryn Lord
is a simplified look at improving your dating success.
One prescribed step is basically to be prepared to reject
and be rejected. The best thing you can do in order
to improve the chances of NOT being over-looked is to
have a well written and eye catching profile, and that's
where we come in!
Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2007 - All rights reserved
Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics
For more information about our services, including online dating profile rewrites and critiques, as well as live approach workshops, click here.
Let’s face it. The substance and presentation of your internet dating profile is single-handedly going to make or break your success online. In order to get noticed by women amid the sea of chodes in the online dating world, you are going to have to stand out. In fact, a sharp and witty profile is so COVETED by women on these sites, that they will actually be contacting YOU.
Here are seven keys to creating a captivating online profile:
1. Your photos: This is the FIRST place she is going to look. Make sure you have a lead picture which makes you look your best. Use hotornot.com to test out your photos.
2. Proper grammar and spelling: Now granted, the rules here are a little different, as this is not a professional journal or an English exam. However, there is absolutely no excuse for ANY spelling errors, missing punctuation or improper word forms (i.e. complement instead of compliment, there vs. they’re, etc.). At the very least, spell-check your profile and have a friend proofread it before it is published.
3. Avoid meaningless adjectives: Don’t SAY that you are funny, smart or adventurous - SHOW that you are. Tell a funny story, mention what you like to do for fun around town, or talk about that time you went rafting in Switzerland.
4. NO CLICHES: It is already assumed that you enjoy both going out and staying in, that you love to laugh and that you are seeking your ‘partner in crime’. Avoid these phrases like the plague. In fact, these sayings have become so overused that even MAKING FUN of them in your profile has become a cliche of its own.
5. Use the passive tone: Instead of just spewing out facts, write your profile as if you are talking directly to the person that is reading it. Instead of saying ‘the person I am looking for is smart, sexy, etc.’, try something along the lines of, “you are happy, compassionate and reflexively kind...”
6. No negativity or pessimistic language: Your life sucks? Keep it to yourself. The online dating world is not a sounding board for you to gripe about the world. No matter what your situation is in life, there is ALWAYS a way to put a positive spin on things.
7. Brevity is KEY: Ronald Reagan once said that if you cannot write about something in one page or less, then you don’t understand it. The same rules apply for online dating. Having an excessively long profile is going to scare off potential readers, even if your information happens to be good. Remember, give a woman a GLIMPSE into your world, without giving away too much of the plot.
At Approach Dynamics, our goal is to help you present yourself in your best light. Remember, first impressions are EVERYTHING, and having a creative, well-written profile will help you stand out from the crowd - a MUST for success in the online dating world.
We offer a number of different services for online dating, including email and phone consultations to answer any of your individual questions, a detailed critique of your existing online profile, or if you wish, we will write you a new one from scratch (with an emphasis on making sure it sounds like YOU). We look forward to working with you.
Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2007 - Approach Dynamics / Online Dating Edge
