CNN says,"Be a savvy consumer when looking for love online"

For more information about our services, including assistance with online dating profile writing, as well as live approach workshops, click here.

On Valentine's Day, CNN.com ran an article titled, Be a savvy consumer when looking for love online. My reaction to the article is "WOW, really?" You'll understand this reaction after you read the article for yourself. Could any of this be more obvious? I guess not. It always amazes me when I read about someone being duped in these ways. Let's all finally learn from these mistakes!

"WOW, really?" #1- "They talked on the phone several times a day, everyday. He was engaging. He gave great advice. He was even supposed to visit her parents in Houston. But then, he started asking for money, with promises to pay her back. In two months, Kate wired him a total of $2,000. Not to mention the phone bill she was stuck with for $1,500. To this day she has not seen him -- or her money."

Come on. I mean really. Naive isn't even the word to describe this. Sad thing is she's not alone, complaints like this apparently flood the Better Business Bureau all the time. Approach Dyanamics rule of the day- DON'T LOAN MONEY TO SOMEONE YOU HAVEN'T EVEN MET! And don't waste your time trying to meet people that live on the other side of the planet. We have covered this before.



"WOW, really?" #2- "Complaint No. 1 [to the BBB] about matchmaking is, well, bad matches. Singles were set up with were smokers, people who weren't religious or lived too far away. In some cases, matches were already married!" Again, come on! Complaining because of imperfect matches? Reality check, nothing is perfect. These matches are provided to you, but in the end it is you who decides if someone is right or wrong for you, not a computer.

Here is a sobering thought about the people running these matchmaking services. One of the WORST dates I have ever had was a prominent New York City matchmaker. She would consistently show up late, had HORRIFIC manners, lacked any consideration for anyone other than herself and once offered to buy a round of drinks (keyword... ONCE), only to call me 'cheap' when I called her out on it after she refused to pay the check. And then she actually sent me an email wondering why I stopped calling her! Yes, folks. Here is an example of someone you are shelling over 2 grand (or more) to find your soulmate. So consider yourself warned - buyer beware.

"WOW, really?" #3- "More than 63 percent of complaints were about accounts that were automatically renewed after a contract or trial period expired." Companies like match.com are notorious for renewing people to long-term subscriptions without at least first giving them a heads-up that their original subscription is about to expire. And their excuse when you call and try to reverse the charge? That you failed to cancel before your original term expired - so now you are 'stuck with the renewal.' If you find yourself in this mess, ask to speak to a supervisor and don't take no for an answer. Be persistent, and they will eventually refund your money.

Or even better, stay on top of your own subscription period and make sure you abide by their terms and conditions. Although their business practices are somewhat shady in this realm (and I don't see the logic in giving their customers a hard time), it is not match.com's responsibility to babysit their customers. Take responsibility.

Let me end this response with a quick comment. There are more than 12 million people currently using online dating. There have been countless success stories, and unfortunately some horror stories as well. Bottom line - be careful and use your common sense.

Happy dating!



Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2008 - All rights reserved
Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics

Chris Rock on Relationships [video]

For more information about our services, including online dating profile rewrites and critiques, as well as live approach training, click here.

What can we learn from Chris Rock about relationships? Check out this clip (courtesy of YouTube):



One thing I have always liked about Chris Rock is the fact that he is so damn HONEST. But I think he is missing the mark here when he talks about 'yessing' women to death. No wonder the women in his routine are nagging and complaining about the guys they are with.

Guys who always say yes to their wives/girlfriends have no backbones, and are NOT attractive to the women they are with. That's why, as Chris Rock says, 'she is looking at you, without saying nothing... thinking to herself that you aint her first choice'.

The key here is to prevent this situation from happening in the first place. Do you REALLY want to make a woman happy? BE A MAN.

Be confident. Practice self-control. Don't be so agreeable all the time. SURPRISE her every once in a while. Don't buy her flowers because it's Valentines Day like every other jackass. Do it because it's Tuesday and you just felt like it. Say NO to her if it is appropriate. Tease her (playfully!) when it the time is right.

And as one of my mentors Doc Love always says, date your girlfriend/wife at least once a month. No talk about the kids, the bills, your jobs, etc. Just go out and enjoy each other's company. Guys, THIS is your maintenance program, and it will keep her from nagging.

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2007 - All rights reserved
Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics

Approaching Women: The 'Dating For Dummies' Opener

For more information about our services, including online dating profile rewrites and critiques, as well as live approach training, click here.

Last night’s Live Approach Workshop was a HUGE success. It always amazes me how much a person can improve in just one night when they make the commitment to get this part of their life handled. Stay tuned for a full field report on our night out, which included a kick-ass time at the Saw Doctors concert, as well as some pre-show cougar hunting.

Here is an opener we like to use early in the night while we are still getting warmed up - the ‘Dating For Dummies’ opener.

Here’s how it works. Go to a bookstore and head over to the Dating/ Relationships section. Grab a copy of ‘Dating For Dummies’ and turn to page 86. There you will find a list of pick-up lines you should NEVER use. Specifically, there are four:

“Come here often?”

“What’s your sign?”

“I must have died and gone to heaven, because where else would I see an angel like you?”

“If I told you that you have a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?”

Now in order to pull this off successfully, you need to convey the image that you really know what you are doing, but are pretending to be a clueless chode that is trying to learn how to score with the ladies.

Walk up to a woman with the book out in front of you, so she can clearly see what it is. Smile and say “HI!” Then look down at the book, look up at her again, and with a big smile use one of the lines.

This will usually get a laugh. React with one of those “Oh my god, this is working!” expressions. Then smile even more, and try another one of the lines. From there, tease her about how “I had no idea these lines actually work” and then segue into normal conversation.

Good luck!

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2007 - All rights reserved
Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics

E-Harmony: Time's Worst Site of 2007 [article/video]

Got a dating question? Email us at Dating@ApproachDynamics.com

In a recent article by Time.com, eHarmony has been listed as one of the worst sites of 2007.

It is bad enough that some guys and girls are already disappointed by their dating prospects, but now a site exists that rejects people as "unmatchable". This group of 'rejects' includes homosexuals and people with depression. Check out this video from one of MY favorite sites, Chemistry.com:


And as for those that DO manage to make the cut after filling out that 436 question survey, eHarmony's advice to those that have been given terrible matches (this site does not allow you to search - rather, they send YOU a list of 'matches') is to 'stick it out.' Of course, the longer you 'stick it out', the more you pay (hey Beavis... he said 'stick it out'... hehehehe).

Stick to a site which allows you to craft an OUTSTANDING profile or let us help you out.

Also listed on Time.com's five worst websites:
2. Evite.com: I don't mind this one. In fact, I kinda like it. As for the extensive advertising, let's remember that this site is FREE and very USEFUL.
3. Meez.com: Don't know this one. Perhaps that's just my age showing ;)
4. Myspace: Put aside for a moment what I said about advertising on Evite, this site has gone WAY over the edge. And to make matters worse, we now have a constant barrage of spammers and 'Russian strippers' asking to be our friends. Stick to Facebook.
5. Secondlife.com: Another site I know nothing about, but based on Time's write-up, it looks kinda lame. If you have a different opinion, I'd love to hear it.

We have our vote in for www.onlinedatingedge.com as best site of the year for 2007/2008. Help us out will you... favorite us on technorati.

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2007 - All rights reserved
Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics

Article - Where Everybody Knows Your (Screen) Name: Online Games as "Third Places"

http://www.approachdynamics.com/

The next time someone gives you shit about spending too much time on your fantasy hockey league, send them this link.

This article, written by Constance Steinkuehler and Dmitri Williams, examines the form and function of massively multiplayer online games (MMOs) in terms of social engagement. Apparently, a lot of people (known as 'gamers') are looking to these types of games as a "Third Place", i.e., an outlet for social interaction among their peers - sort of akin to the coffee shop from Friends or the bar on Cheers.

Now for us non-gamers out there, a woman gamer (yes, there ARE women there) named Meg Stivison has done a good job translating the study into plain English in her article, MMO Gaming and Relationships. In it, Stivison states the following:

"We've all heard the accusation that gamers are anti-social. Sometimes we respond angrily, other times we embrace the solitary geek descriptions. But social gaming provides an essential third place, where online friendships and teams might actually be helpful and healthy. "

Now granted, gamers have been painted quite negatively by many individuals as well as the popular media. I’m sure South Park’s World of Warcraft episode didn’t help matters much either. But this article did get me thinking about how a lot of guys have approached the world of online dating.

For those of us that look at online dating as an inexpensive, convenient and FUN way to meet a large number of people (all of whom are supposedly 'single and looking') in a short period of time, the advent of internet dating has been a blessing.

However, there are also a number of people that have taken to online dating as a type of security blanket shielding them from actually going into the real world to meet people. These are the guys that are writing to women on the other side of the globe in the hopes of starting an email relationship with someone they will probably never meet (wasting their time AND hers).

The reality is that while sitting behind a computer screen (playing MMOs or doing whatever) can be okay in MODERATION, it is NOT a substitute for going out into the real world and interacting with people face to face. I can ASSURE you, a real interaction with a women (or several if you can pull it off!) is a LOT more satisfying then chatting with one on IM. And it really isn't that hard (no pun intended!). As we have said before, 'Don't be a Keyboard Jockey '. Remember, you don't want to end up like this dude.

Now go meet some women!

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2007 - Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics

Online Dating: Beware of Long Distance Relationships

www.ApproachDynamics.com

Mr. Stone,

i just started talking to a girl from atlanta i met online. things are going really well and she keep telling me that she cant wait to meet me, etc. We get along really well and speak on the phone like every night for hours sometimes. Only problem is that i live in seattle. What should i do?

j.d. from seattle

********MY COMMENTS********

As I sit here writing this, a guy I work with is on a plane to Vegas to meet some girl from California he found online. Despite our pleading with him not to do it, he went anyway. I’ll tell ya - some guys just don’t WANT to be helped. DON'T be one of those guys.

So here’s the scoop on internet long-distance relationships:

Unless you are planning to move to that city (or vice versa), there is ABSOLUTELY no good that can come out of this type of arrangement, REGARDLESS of the outcome.

Let’s say, hypothetically, you meet this girl and things work out well. Now what? Are you going to hop a plane and go cross-country every two weeks? Is she going to do the same? The distance will undoubtedly put a strain on your ‘relationship’ and will prevent you from seeking opportunities with women in your area that you actually have a fighting chance with. Are there no good women left in the Pacific Northwest? Relationships are hard enough as it is. Why make it any more difficult?

As I have said before, NOTHING counts with someone you met online until you actually meet in person. What you basically have now is a 'phone buddy' - one that you could wind up being extremely disappointed with when you actually meet. This is an ENORMOUS risk of time, energy and money for a first meeting.

Now, I know. These situations can seem REAL tempting sometimes. Here's a girl that FINALLY gets me, blah blah blah. Then you add the mystery and adventure of a faraway city to the mix, and it is easy to see how someone can get drawn right in.

Case in point. Here is an email I received from a cute girl in Arizona:

I found your profile very interesting, and if I lived in New York I would sweep you off your feet! If your profile does not catch "the right womans eyes" then you need to come out West where ladies know how to treat a man.

Sincerely,
XXX (a hopeless romantic nurse)

I especially liked the nurse part, but I also realized nothing would ever come of this. DON'T let yourself get caught up in this fantasy. Make a decision as to how far you would be willing to travel to meet someone, and then stick to it.

Good luck, mate!

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2007 - Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics