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Sunday, August 19, 2007

Dating: What if She Tries to Change Venue?

For more information about our services, including online dating profile rewrites and critiques, as well as live approach training, click here.

Ok, so you called her up, asked her out and she accepted. Great!

As we have said before, once you guys have definite plans to meet, do not speak again until the date (and NEVER accept anything other than definite, concrete plans to meet - a specific date, time and place are a MUST). There shouldn't be any reason for you to have to speak again beforehand.

But every once in a while, you will get a phone call or an email from the woman you are meeting asking you to change the location of your date. Here’s how to handle it...

There are two situations where a woman may try and pull a venue change on you - one is legitimate and the other is UNACCEPTABLE. I have had an experience with each of these scenarios.

A legitimate reason for her to ask you to change locations is if the place you chose is too far from where she lives, works, etc. The one time this happened to me, the woman I was meeting was going to be working late and asked if we could meet at a spot closer to her office. This is okay.

However, make sure that YOU are the one to choose the new spot. Respond to her with something like, “Sure, Union Square is fine. Meet me at 8 at Luna Park. Wear jeans and a cute top. Shoes are optional ;)”

Now the reason this is okay is because the request is NEIGHBORHOOD based, rather than VENUE based. But if she is trying to upgrade to someplace 'nicer' (i.e. more expensive), then you've got yourself a problem.

The one girl that pulled this on me was a piece of work. We were originally going to have drinks at a spot near Bryant Park (midtown Manhattan) for our first meeting. She then emailed me and asked if we could meet somewhere on the Upper East Side. Fine. I emailed her back with a new spot in that neighborhood.

I then get another email from her asking if we could meet at a certain lounge up there. She conveniently happened to choose a place where the drinks are 15-20 dollars each. So I wrote her back and said that I like the place that I chose, and we can figure out what happens from there. She then writes me back the morning of our meeting with a 'roomate crisis' and cancels. God bless her!

What I had on my hands here was a professional dater. These women don't care about the guys they go out with - they are just out for free food and entertainment at your expense. These women are very similar to gold-diggers, but where they differ is that professional daters are going out with you so they don't sit home bored that night, as opposed to going out to try and snag a 'rich guy'.

This is one of the main reasons why you should always choose a venue for a first meeting that is fun and inexpensive. You are essentially TESTING the woman to make sure she is of good character. Gold-diggers and professional daters HATE these type of activities, and will try and pull all sorts of games to get out of it. This is a GOOD thing - you have just weeded out someone that is not worth your time. Let her browbeat the next chode that comes along.

Good luck!

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2007 - All rights reserved
Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics


Anonymous said...

What if she writes you and says that she doesn't like the place you chose for whatever reason and suggests another place?

Anonymous said...

That depends. Has she already agreed to meet you at the first place, or is she saying this in response to your suggestion to meet at the first place? Also, is the place she is suggesting comparable in ambiance, price, etc. to the place you chose? If you think it is legit, tell her that you are not a fan of the place she chose, and pick a new place entirely. But if she has previously given her word to meet you at the first place and is now trying to change that, this is a HUGE red flag (especially on a first meeting). So proceed at your own risk.