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Monday, September 3, 2007

Dating: How to Handle a Broken Date

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I wanted to get your advice on how to handle this situation.

I was supposed to meet a woman for a first meeting last week. I did what you said and called her with a specific plan as to where, when and what time to meet. She said yes.

About 45 minutes before we are supposed to meet, her name pops up on my cell phone’s caller ID. I didn’t answer it. She ends up leaving me a voicemail (sounding all apologetic) that she has to stay and finish up a project at work, but would "like a raincheck".

I end up calling her back and get her voicemail. I tell her that it’s too bad she can’t make it, but she should give me a call when she gets a chance and we can try and reschedule.

What should I do if she calls me back?

Craig from Phoenix

********MY COMMENTS********

You are handling it fine so far. DO NOT contact her again.

It was a good move putting the ball in HER court as far as rescheduling (isn't it funny how she just called you, but now all of a sudden can't answer her phone?). I also like how you said 'we can TRY and reschedule'. I hope that was intentional on your part.

In the event that she calls you again (and I don't think she will), there are two schools of thought as to how to handle it.

One approach would be to give her the benefit of the doubt and reschedule. Perhaps something really DID come up 45 minutes before you were supposed to meet (mind you, in seven years working as an attorney, I never had to cancel plans).

However, if you are considering this option, make sure you gauge her tone when she ends up calling you. First off, does she actually CALL you, or does she send a text or an email? Does she apologize again for canceling on you with such short notice? Does she offer to buy the first round of drinks? Or does she act as if what she did was perfectly normal, and wait for you to ask her out again?

Either way, if you DO end up rescheduling, keep the fact that she cancelled on you in the back of your head, and keep your eyes open for any other possible red flags.

And then there is MY general school of thought - THROW HER NUMBER AWAY.

Harsh? Maybe. But a broken date is UNACCEPTABLE. To quote Doc Love, “Women with high interest level don’t break dates. Am I going too fast for you guys?”

Call me old-fashioned if you wish, but if I give my word that I am going to do something, I do it. When it comes to dating, if I make plans with a woman to be somewhere at a certain time, I show up. If I get another offer for plans that night, I decline. To do otherwise is completely disrespectful. It's that simple.

And I am happy to say that the great majority of women I have met have also kept their word about plans. I have NEVER been stood up, and I think a total of three women have cancelled on me in the past four years. With so many quality women out there, why waste your time on someone that is, at best, unreliable?

In short Craig, unless she somehow manages to blow you over with how bad she feels about cancelling on you last minute, I would get rid of her. From my experience, this is just a sign of what's to come.

I once had a situation where a woman cancelled on me the afternoon of our first meeting because she was 'working late'. She didn't strike me as the flaky type, so I agreed to reschedule. After all, things DO come up, right?

We ended up going out and had a great time. I called her a few days later and made plans to meet again. She accepted. Sure enough, she sends me a text message the day we were supposed to meet and cancels on me AGAIN. Needless to say, I dropped her immediately. Lesson learned.

As Carlos Xuma says, "You teach people how to treat you with your behavior. Your time is valuable, isn't it? If your time isn't, neither are you."

Good luck!

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2007 - All rights reserved
Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics

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