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Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Online Dating: Dating Multiple People

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Here is an article from MSN entitled, 'Dating Around Online', by Evan Marc Katz. In his article, Katz lists five "techniques" for successfully dating multiple women online.

The third paragraph of his article describes me to a tee:
"I found myself corresponding with ten women simultaneously, speaking on the phone to five, and going out with three with regularity." Guys, once you get your profiles in order, this type of scenario is easily attainable.

Now while I agree wholeheartedly with his first two 'techniques' (Dont Ask, Dont Tell & Make Your Date Feel Special), his final three ideas leave a lot to be desired.

His first idea, "Dont ask, don't tell", is self-explanatory (and COMMON SENSE). When it comes to other women (other than mom, of course), KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT. Just as it is none of her business who YOU are dating, it is none of your business who SHE may be dating (at least at the beginning).

I'll make it simple for you. Yes, she is dating other guys - and this is a GOOD thing. This way she will see what a great guy you are (as compared to the other chodes out there), and she will not be wondering 'what-if?' when you guys end up dating long-term.

The second concept, "Make your date feel special" is also common sense. Check out our article on "Online Dating: The First Meeting" for some tips on how to pull this off.

Now here is where Katz's article starts to go astray...

Katz's third point, "Know that the rules change once you get physical," is a bit off-kilter. Actually, the rules don't change until you WANT them to (i.e. you decide to date this girl more seriously or it's time to move on). Getting physical does not necessarily have anything to do with that.

His next suggestion, "Take your date’s relationship goals into account," is confusing. Just how is a guy supposed to know what is going on in the mind of a woman anyway? As long as you are not leading her on and she is clear where you stand, this is not your problem.

To put it another way, if you are looking for a casual relationship, but are calling her every day, introducing her to your friends and family and inviting her out on Saturday nights, then you are a jerk (and not in the good, 'attractive' way).

Additionally, if she makes her intentions clear to you and you do not feel the same way, then you have an obligation to tell her and let her go. Don't lead women on - it's not cool.

The article's final 'tip' is that, "If your date asks, tell the truth."

Heh? What?

What happened to Don't Ask, Don't Tell?

If a woman asks you if you are seeing other people, you have two options as to how to respond:

1. "Not too many... how many women are YOU seeing?", or


Deflect, and diffuse with humor.

NEVER answer this question - there is no 'right' answer you can give here. Too many, and you are a player. Too few, and she will think she has you in her back pocket.

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2007 - All rights reserved
Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics

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