Matchmaker, matchmaker, make me a match!

For more information about our services, including online dating profile rewrites and critiques, live workshops on approaching women and starting conversations as well as private coaching sessions, click here.



Yesterday, I was sitting in the doctor's office waiting to be called into the examination room. Or as I prefer to call it, "waiting room #2." Why do I bother getting to doctor's appointments on time? I always have to wait. I should start billing for my lost time. But I digress...

Back to the point. I was sitting and waiting and of course there are only some crappy magazines. I scanned through Vogue, breezed through an old Sports Illustrated I had already read, and then in desperation began to look over an AARP magazine.

For those of you that don't know, "AARP is a membership organization dedicated to enhancing the experience of aging through advocacy, information, and services." You have to be over 50 to join, and you get a magazine and some discounts at various merchants.

So, there I am reading this magazine and I stumble across an article by Ron Burley about online matchmakers. Basically someone subscribed to a service and was unhappy with the results. There was some good common sense advice in the article related to finding a matchmaker:

1. Ask for references and check them.

2. Be a considerate client.

3. Look your best. Like it or not, finding a partner is partly a sales job.

4. Take your time.

Great advice - especially in light of the fact that you will be spending THOUSANDS of dollars on their services. And as I can personally attest from dating one of NYCs well-known matchmakers, some of these people dont know what the hell they are doing!

In our opinion, you will have MUCH better results in your dating life (and at a much cheaper cost!) if you focus on getting your online dating profile and photos in order. There are countless articles on this website helping you figure out how to do that. Or if you'd like, drop us a line and we'll help you with whatever you are stuck with.

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2008 - All rights reserved
Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics

Seven Keys to Creating a Captivating Online Dating Profile

For more information about our services, including online dating profile rewrites and critiques, as well as live approach workshops, click here.

Let’s face it. The substance and presentation of your internet dating profile is single-handedly going to make or break your success online. In order to get noticed by women amid the sea of chodes in the online dating world, you are going to have to stand out. In fact, a sharp and witty profile is so COVETED by women on these sites, that they will actually be contacting YOU.

Here are seven keys to creating a captivating online profile:

1. Your photos: This is the FIRST place she is going to look. Make sure you have a lead picture which makes you look your best. Use hotornot.com to test out your photos.

2. Proper grammar and spelling: Now granted, the rules here are a little different, as this is not a professional journal or an English exam. However, there is absolutely no excuse for ANY spelling errors, missing punctuation or improper word forms (i.e. complement instead of compliment, there vs. they’re, etc.). At the very least, spell-check your profile and have a friend proofread it before it is published.

3. Avoid meaningless adjectives: Don’t SAY that you are funny, smart or adventurous - SHOW that you are. Tell a funny story, mention what you like to do for fun around town, or talk about that time you went rafting in Switzerland.

4. NO CLICHES: It is already assumed that you enjoy both going out and staying in, that you love to laugh and that you are seeking your ‘partner in crime’. Avoid these phrases like the plague. In fact, these sayings have become so overused that even MAKING FUN of them in your profile has become a cliche of its own.

5. Use the passive tone: Instead of just spewing out facts, write your profile as if you are talking directly to the person that is reading it. Instead of saying ‘the person I am looking for is smart, sexy, etc.’, try something along the lines of, “you are happy, compassionate and reflexively kind...”

6. No negativity or pessimistic language: Your life sucks? Keep it to yourself. The online dating world is not a sounding board for you to gripe about the world. No matter what your situation is in life, there is ALWAYS a way to put a positive spin on things.

7. Brevity is KEY: Ronald Reagan once said that if you cannot write about something in one page or less, then you don’t understand it. The same rules apply for online dating. Having an excessively long profile is going to scare off potential readers, even if your information happens to be good. Remember, give a woman a GLIMPSE into your world, without giving away too much of the plot.

At Approach Dynamics, our goal is to help you present yourself in your best light. Remember, first impressions are EVERYTHING, and having a creative, well-written profile will help you stand out from the crowd - a MUST for success in the online dating world.

We offer a number of different services for online dating, including email and phone consultations to answer any of your individual questions, a detailed critique of your existing online profile, or if you wish, we will write you a new one from scratch (with an emphasis on making sure it sounds like YOU). We look forward to working with you.

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2007 - Approach Dynamics / Online Dating Edge

Online Dating - Photo Questions From the Mailbag

www.ApproachDynamics.com
Dating question? Write to us at Dating@ApproachDynamics.com

Alexander,

Got a couple of questions on your photo article. What do you think about getting professional photos for my profile? Also, I have a couple of pictures with a few of my (hot) female friends. Should I put those in? Thanks.

Tim
Waltham, MA

********MY COMMENTS********

Tim,

Excellent questions.

I personally like the idea of getting professional photos taken. Not only will you have an experienced photographer working with you to help you look your best, but it will also show those people reading your profile that you are serious about meeting someone. That being said, I would still try to include some regular photos of you as additional photos. You still want to show that you have some sort of a life outside of internet dating. I like to tease women that only have professional photos on their profile. "What are those, glamour shots from the mall? C’mon, what do you REALLY look like ;)?" As I’ve said previously, hotornot is a great place to test out your pictures.

As for photos with other women, be careful. My advice is that if you do have women in your pictures (get their permission!), make sure they are at the approximate level looks-wise of the women you are seeking. If the women in your pictures are strikingly gorgeous, you might intimidate a lot of women on the website. If your gal pals are not particularly attractive, that isn’t going to fare well for you either. Also, it is better to have 2-3 women in your picture. If you just have one, people will assume it is an ex or you might find yourself justifying that it is a relative. Any more than 2 or 3, and your sexual orientation may come into question.

Good luck!

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2007 - ApproachDynamics/Online Dating Edge

Online Dating - Getting Her Phone Number

www.ApproachDynamics.com

Let’s face it, the purpose of jumping through all those hoops online is to meet someone. This isn’t going to happen until you get her off the website and meet her in person. In order to do that, you need to get her contact info (i.e. her phone number).

You want to get to an in-person meeting ASAP. Remember, none of those back and forth emails and phone calls mean ANYTHING until you meet in person. I think each of us can recall a time where we thought we had found our soulmate online, only to be extremely disappointed upon actually meeting them (mine didn’t even take her jacket off)!

When to ask for the number:

Here is the rule. If she was the one who originally initiated contact, ask for it on your SECOND email. If you initiated contact, do it on the THIRD. Enough rapport should have developed by this point that she should have no problem giving you the digits.

How to ask for the number:

Easy. "What’s your number?" DO NOT say "Can I call you sometime?" WEAK. Be direct. Be decisive.

Take a little bit of time putting together a brief paragraph asking for her number. The good news is that you can save it as a template and use it over and over again (just remember to change her name, Skippy). What you want to convey (in your own writing style) is essentially, ‘You seem pretty cool. Let’s get off this site and meet for a drink, like normal people, and see what happens.’ I also like to tease them a little and promise that I will only call 15 times a day. This is a nice touch, but make sure it is CLEAR you are kidding. Capice?

Ok, I sent the email. Now what?

Wait for her response. If she gives you her number, great! Call her within 1-2 days and set up a meeting for drinks.

If she doesn’t give it to you, cease all contact with her IMMEDIATELY and move on. Also, please note that any response which does not contain the physical digits themselves is a NO. ‘I don’t have a phone,’ ‘Let’s stay on email,’ or ‘How about you give me YOUR number’ are all BS. What you have there is a control freak, a game player or (most likely) a woman with low interest in you. Either way, any further communication with her is a waste of your time.

Now go get some digits!

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2007 - ApproachDynamics/Online Dating Edge

Sausage Party in Downtown Manhattan?

www.ApproachDynamics.com

No wonder I jump on the subway and head uptown the second I leave my office...

Today's New York Times had an interesting article regarding demographics in New York City ("Lower Manhattan, Higher Testoterone" by Sam Roberts). It seems that since 2000, most of Lower Manhattan's growth (75% of it in fact!) has been as a result of 25 to 44 year old men moving into the area.

Most of this growth has been attributed to "workaholics" moving closer to the booming post-9/11 World Trade Center/ Wall Street area, with a third of them walking to work. Ladies, the statistics speak for themselves - 126 men for every 100 women - many of them professional eligable bachelors!

In fact, the average income in the area is nearly TWICE that of the rest of Manhattan. Yes, we know money isn't everything and being a gold digger is just about the lowest a woman can go, but as Ben Affleck's character in Boiler Room said: "Anybody who says money isn't everything doesn't have any!" and "They say money can't buy happiness? Look at the smile on my face... ear to ear, baby!"

And yes guys, there's hope for you too according to the article. The rest of Manhattan has a much more appealing ratio for single men - 90 men for every 100 women!

So get out there and start meeting people!

Alexander Stone and Stephen David
Copyright 2007
ApproachDynamics/ OnlineDatingEdge