10 Commandments of Online Dating

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Follow these and you'll be all set!

POSITIVE COMMANDMENTS:
1. Always know what you are looking for in a woman;
2. If you determine that a particular woman is NOT what you are looking for, move on*;
3. Always make sure you are different than any other guy online (in a positive way);
4. Always present yourself in your best light;
5. Always get off the computer, and into an in-person meeting ASAP.

NEGATIVE COMMANDMENTS:
6. Never lie or misrepresent yourself anywhere in your profile;
7. Never copy all or part of someone else’s dating profile;
8. Never put salary information or anything else in your profile that hints that you have (or don’t have) money;
9. Never have spelling and/or grammar errors anywhere in your profile;
10. Never wait more than two emails to ask a woman for her phone number.

*Realize that NO ONE is perfect, not even you! That being said, move on and don't waste time (yours or her's) if you are unhappy.

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2009 - All rights reserved
Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics

Nobody's Perfect

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Why can't I find the perfect guy? Many of my friends seem blissfully married to "the perfect guy." Why can't I find mine? Why do I always pick a loser? There's always something that they do that screws things up! -Janine

First and formost the key word in your second sentence is "seem". NO relationship is perfect. There are always ups and downs. You also seem very negative describing past boyfriends as "loser[s]" and saying "they... screw things up." Dont you take any responsibility for broken relationships? Not every guy out there is a loser and perhps you are being too hard on some of them.

Here's a little advice:
1. Nobody is perfect.
2. Think positive thoughts and more positive things will happen.
3. A relationship takes work- by both parties!

Good luck!

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2009 - All rights reserved
Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics

Questions to Avoid When Talking to a Guy

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Here are four questions you should never ask a guy according to Cosmopolitan.com:
1. Questions comparing yourself to the ex.
2. Do you love me?
3. Can I borrow money?
4. Are you cheating on me?

All these questions should be seen as taboo, unless you are in a committed relationship, but there are others that should never be asked.

Take for instance the ubiquitous "Does this (insert article of clothing here) make me look fat?" Talk about a loaded question. If we say "yes," then we are open for attack. Let's be honest, if you are asking that question, you are fat (think treadmill), or you have low self esteem (stop being a door mat- no one wants a long term relationship with a door mat).

Another question, that would boarder on insensitive: "Was your hairline always so far back?"

Here's another line to shy away from, "Is it in?" No need to explain that one.

If you needed this advice, you need more help than you thought!
Happy Dating!

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2008 - All rights reserved
Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics

Stephen David and Alexander Stone on Candace Bushnell

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We have received a number of emails about our appearance on Candace Bushnell's "Sex, Success and Sensibility" and we thank you for your support. For those of you that do not have Sirius and want a recap, here you go (by the way, our advice and opinions on these topics can be found by searching key terms in the search bar at the top and bottom of this column):

COMMUNICATION BREAKDOWNS – texting, calling, IMing, e-mailing . . . what are the “rules”, if any?

DATING DEAL BREAKERS – what makes a relationship keep moving forward and what ends it before it has even began?

THE RULES OF HOOKING UP – how soon do you start sleeping together, casual sex, etc...

TAKING RELATIONSHIPS TO NEXT LEVEL – when is it time to move in together, get married, etc...

ONLINE DATING – are rules different than if you met elsewhere? Do girls and guys have different expectations online?

During this segment, online dating expert Alexander Stone provided a poignant and powerful explanation of the "dos and don'ts" of online dating. He explained the different goals various individuals have when it comes to online dating, and relationships in general.

MARRIAGE 101 – what do you tolerate from your spouse’s interactions with the opposite sex, what’s considered cheating, etc...

During this segment, relationship guru Stephen David provided candid incite into the world of long term relationships and marriage. The concept of cheating was discussed from both a male and female point of view. Further, the use of the internet as a tool for extramarital affairs was discussed.

And as a reminder, Sirius will be replaying last week's broadcast all day Thursday, May 1, 2008. We have the last two 20 minute segments.

If you are not currently a subscriber, you can sign up for a free 3-day membership here.

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2008 - All rights reserved
Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics

Esquire Magazine's "What She Really Wants"

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What She Really Wants

Is giving up your seat a show of respect or an act of outdated chauvinism? A panel of actual women tell all!

Have you ever found yourself entering a building and wondering whether you should hold the door for that woman approximately 10 feet behind you? Or sitting on the subway and trying to decide whether it would be appropriate to give up your seat for that cute girl that just got on? You're not alone.

In this day and age, that fine line between being a gentleman and looking like a jackass has become more and more hazy. A lot of guys truly want to do the right thing - they just don't know what it is. And complicating matters more is the fact that there is very little information out there on how to handle these situations.

Esquire magazine has recently come out with a brilliant article that attempts to answer these and other questions. This is one of those Cosmo-like articles for guys, but it's actually well worth the thirty-second read.

Also note that any of these situations can lead to openings for conversation - except maybe a woman crying.

Funny story about a crying woman though. About a week or so ago, while in San Diego, I jumped out of my car to give the person waiting for my spot a parking permit that had time remaining on it. Figured I'd do the nice thing and save them ten or fifteen bucks.

I offer the permit and realize the driver is a sobbing hottie. She proceeds to tell me how her boyfriend just dumped her (we just met and I'm her therapist?) and she was going out with some friends. I could have taken advantage of this, but I'm a nice guy and was in a rush. I gave her the ticket and she offered me half of what was left on it. I responded, "No thanks, have a better night," and walked away.

Chivalry or stupidity?

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2008 - All rights reserved
Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics


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Ten things learned (or at least was reminded of) this past year

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The latest in entertainment, contests and music. Moli.com. Free and easy sign up.

Here's a quick list of 10 things (not a top 10, just 10 that came to mind) we learned or were reminded of this past year. May you live and learn all you can in 2008. Happy New Year!

1. Kenny Rogers once said, "You got to know when to hold'em, now when to fold'em. Know when to walk away, know when to run." This can be applied to dating. You not only want to find the right person, you need to know when someone is the wrong person. If you are unhappy with any aspect of your life. Work to fix it or make a change. But be cautious, SOME THINGS CAN'T BE FIXED- no matter how badly we'd like them to be.

Which brings up an interesting article:

Is it better to be the breaker-upper or the dumpee? With so much attention being paid to those poor people dumped every year, no one ever takes time to think about what it's like to be the dumper. Hardly an enviable position, the decision to break up with someone can breed feelings of guilt, paralysis and depression.
To alleviate some of this anxiety, here's a list of 5 questions to ask yourself before you give someone the boot.
Question 1: Has There Been a Major Change in My Life?
Question 2: What's My Happiness Ratio?
Question 3: Is He/She Abusive?
Question 4: Have I Expressed My Frustration?
Question 5: Am I Willing to Work at It? from Elina Furman's article: The Breakup Test: 5 Questions to Ask Before Giving 'Em the Boot


2. Always give back. Make a difference. Try donating to a charity. If you give already and you want to try something new, try Kiva.org. If you gave already and want to try something new (and want to make a profit) try Prosper.com.

3. I realized that my JetBlue frequent flier miles were expiring and I was getting nothing for them. I signed up for their credit card and now they'll last "forever". Get ready for takeoff. 50 TrueBlue® points with the first purchase on your card.

4. Family is the most important thing in the world.

5. Women rock. Like I even needed a reminder! Although I was reminded of this great quote, "Women, can't live with'em. Pass the beer nuts." -Norm Peterson

6. Read Tuesdays With Morrie and Life's Little Instruction Book. Here's a New Years Present: A $2 off code for Alibris (code expires 1/12/08: HAPPY2008)


7. Never burn bridges and always try your best.

8. It doesn't matter what other people think.

9. You shouldn't fall in love with a stock. Take your profits.

10. Starting a business is a challenge, but also a lot of fun.

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2008 - All rights reserved
Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics

Hope and Frustration With Online Dating [article]

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An article entitled, Online dating brings hope and frustration , by Natalie Armstrong, caught my eye today on the Yahoo news page. Recent research by Susan Frohlick, an anthropology professor at the University of Manitoba in Winnipeg, concluded the following for 30+ year old women who take part in online dating:

1. Women feel empowered by online dating;
2. Women want the man to make the first move;
3. Women expect men to pick up the check;
4. The biggest complaints the have include: "men who are looking for much younger women... men who misrepresent their looks, interests or marital status, or who show little interest in moving the relationship offline."

They actually had to do a study to figure this out?

As we at Approach Dynamics have said repeatedly:

1. Make your move and send her an email. Find the one or two things in her profile that are unique to her and use that as your opener. Do NOT send a wink/tease - unless, of course, you want to let her know you have no balls.
2. Never lie in your profile. There is nothing worse than starting off a relationship with a material misrepresentation.
3. Get to a first meeting ASAP. Do not waste your time sending emails back and forth. You only have a limited window with a woman online before she moves on to the next guy. Ask for her number on the second or third email, and then call her within a day or so to set up a first meeting.
4. Always pick up the tab on the first meeting. Chivalry is not completely dead. That being said, however, make sure she at least offers to pay when the check comes (which you will refuse, of course). If she doesn't, you may have a problem on your hands.

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2007 - All rights reserved
Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics

When is it time to settle down?

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Here's Michelle Hill with her take on a question from one of our loyal readers:

Question from a reader:

I am an old man whose son continues to change girls quicker than his underwear. How do I get him to settle down?

My first instinct is to ask how old your son is. If he’s 25, I’d say you’re going to have to wait a while until he’s ready to settle down. Now, if he’s 35, that’s a different story. While it varies person to person, men tend to start getting the nesting instinct at some point in their thirties.

That being said, however, there is likely very little you can do to ‘get him to settle down’. Committing to one person is a big step, one that has to be the decision of the individual making it. No one wants to be told what to do or be forced into something he is not ready for, especially not by his father! And while you may not want to hear this, marriage or other versions of long-term commitment is not for everyone. Your son could decide that he never wants to settle down.

Bottom line, just talk to your son. If you have concerns about his lifestyle, let him know. Otherwise, just let him figure things out on his own. Pressuring him will not make him more likely to do anything and will only make him resent you. He will appreciate your allowing him to be his own man.

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2007 - All rights reserved
Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics