Dating: How to Handle Inappropriate Quesions

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Hey guys,

What is a good response to a woman who asks you on a first date, “Do you own or rent?”


********MY COMMENTS********

Depending on how the rest of the night has been going, there are a bunch of ways you can deal with this. But in reality, anything other than “I own” or “I rent” would work.

It should go without saying that this kind of question is a MAJOR red flag, and you might want to reconsider whether this is someone you want to be spending any more time with. You probably have a status whore or a gold digger on your hands.

How would I handle it? I would probably end the date and throw her number away, but not before having some fun.

Here’s my response:

“I don’t think I understand your question (looking really confused)... what do you mean?” And then continue playing stupid with whatever she says in response. I can keep that conversation going for hours!

Of course, you can also go with some other approaches. Feel free to mix and match these if she continues to press the issue:

“How about you come back to my place and I’ll SHOW you...”

“Actually, I’m on welfare (looking really ashamed)... by the way, would you mind picking up the tab?”

“Did you see the Met game last night?”

“Do you spit or swallow?”

“I’d love to tell you, but look at the time... it was nice meeting you though.”

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2007 - All rights reserved
Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics

Being a Smartass: Busting on Cashiers

One of the best ways to practice teasing women is by talking to service staff (waitresses, sales clerks, cashiers, etc.). Most of them are very friendly and sociable, and best of all, they HAVE TO be nice to you! Just don't be obnoxious about it - make sure you smile and that you have a playful attitude during the interaction. Otherwise it's not cool.

Today were are going to talk about some ways to have fun with cashiers. Many of these women go through day after day of mindless chit chat with countless, nameless faces. Give them the gift of breaking them out of their reality for a few seconds, and make them smile. When done right, you can TOTALLY make their day.

Here are some of my favorite things to do with cashiers. Of course, much of this depends on where you are and what the situation is. Remember, this is supposed to be fun for EVERYONE involved. There is a fine line between being playful and being a dick. Don't cross it.

1. This one works best in a commercial retail setting (Target, Wegmans, Toys R Us, etc.). After she rings up the total, try to bargain with her! Tell her that since you are her favorite customer, she can give you a special discount. Then promise that you wont tell anyone, it will be your little secret. If she gives you a hard time, offer to cut her in on the savings. Tell her she can use that money to take you out for a proper date. If she still resists, break up with her, right in front of everyone!

2. This one is good in places with older cash registers (liquor stores, mom and pop groceries, pizza places). If the total comes to, let's say, $4.64, give her $7.38 (with a straight face)! Act like it is the most normal thing in the world. Watch her reaction. Always good fun! Remember to always give her less change than the total.

3. Here's one for supermarkets or drug stores. Put together a combination of really weird shit and see how she handles it. I was once in a drug store with a friend of mine at like 3am and there was a cute girl behind the counter. We decided we were going to have some fun...

Between the two of us, we had a 12 pack of beer, Preparation H, a box of condoms and some shampoo! We also assumed the roles of 2 guys pretending to be smooth with the ladies, even though we were acting like a couple of tools. Unfortunately, this girl had no reaction whatsoever. But at least WE got a good laugh out of it.

The key here is to have fun with this, and to try and get the cashier in on it as well. If you can come from a frame of just being out enjoying yourself and trying to spread some of that around, you’ll be fine. Just remember that if you encounter someone that REALLY doesn’t want to play along, PLEASE be polite about it - not everyone has this kind of sense of humor (tragic, I know!).

Good luck!

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2007 - Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics

How to Spot a Gold Digger: Part II of IV - The Initial Meeting

www.ApproachDynamics.com

This is the second part of a four-part series.
Click here for ‘How to Spot a Gold Digger: Part I of IV- Introduction'
********
You would think that gold diggers would have some sort of expertise in covering their tracks, but surprisingly, many of these women OVERTLY flash their true intentions - all you have to do is listen! In most cases, you can weed these women out right from the get-go and move on to friendlier waters. Here's what to look out for when you first encounter one of these women:

Online:

In the online dating world, Match.com and Chemistry.com make it REAL easy. Check and see if she has money or power listed as one of her 'turn-ons' and if she has any 'salary requirements' for her date. If either one of these pop up, RUN for the nearest exit.

On Jdate, look at her personality traits and see if ‘high-maintenance’ is checked off. You would be surprised how many women have this listed (well, then again...). Also, check her written paragraph about her ‘ideal first date.’ If she is talking about nice restaurants and fine wine rather than getting to know you better, you’ve got yourself a problem child. Finally, look at her blurb on what she learned from her past relationships. A lot of times they’ll give up some REAL good info in there (this is also a good section on Jdate for weeding out psychos!).

Now for ‘research purposes only', I contacted some women on Match and Jdate who met the above criteria to try and find out what gives. Here is a sampling of what they wrote back:

"No, I am not rich and the father of my children does not sit at home either it is as simple as that."

"You seem rather hostile... what is with that opening email? Intersting game plan...."

Don't even bother trying to bust on these women - they can't take a joke. Just move on.

In Person:

Now with real-life interactions, you have to pay a little closer attention. When you first met her, how long did it take for the ‘what do you do?’ question to come out of her mouth? And how did she react when you told her that you were the sour cream manager at Wendys or a miniature golf caddy? Did she laugh and change the subject, or did she seem annoyed and ask you again?

Also, was she asking you questions in an attempt to genuinely get to know you better, or was she trying to qualify you with inappropriate questions from the moment you began talking to her (i.e. ‘what do you do’, ‘how much money do you make’, ‘what kind of car do you drive’, ‘what do your parents do’, ‘do you own or rent’)?

Case in point. There was a girl I was corresponding with on match.com that kept asking me what I did for a living. Each time she would ask, my responses got more and more outrageous. I should also note here that her emails otherwise seemed witty and playful. However, when I asked for her number, here was her response:

"My cell number is 917-XXX-XXXX. But I still don't know what you do. I can tolerate most jobs but if yours is rather scatalogical or bodily function involved-ok a man with a bedpan in certain situations could be attractive-our future tryst might not work."

One thing you are going to have to do is have a pre-planned, smartass answer for any inappropriate questions IN ADVANCE. Sometimes women will ask an inappropriate question innocently, so being a wiseass here is a good test to see what her true intentions are. Stay tuned for Part IV of this series where I'll give you some examples of how to respond to these questions.

Now if she is REALLY being a pain in the ass, I’ll tell her that I am looking for a sugar momma to take care of me so that I can be a house husband. And after I get bored of watching Oprah and the Price is Right, I am going to divorce her and take half her money. Then I get a good laugh at her reaction and WALK AWAY.

Coming tomorrow, 'How to Spot a Gold Digger: Part III - The First Date and Beyond'

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2007 - Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics

Being a Smartass: How to Respond When She Says, 'I Love You'

www.ApproachDynamics.com

I think I'll let Han Solo tell you...

And by the way, this response works for any type of complement a woman gives you (i.e. 'you're funny', 'you're cute', 'you ROCK').



Star Wars video courtesy of YouTube

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2007 - Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics

Being a Smartass: Some Great Lines

www.ApproachDynamics.com

Following up on our previous posts 'Smartass Answers to Dumbass Questions' and 'The Beer Trick', here is a 2-part video by Will of www.youaresoinmyway.com. Will is a gentleman I have had the pleasure of meeting on several occasions, and one of the few people I can credit with being at my level in the smartass department. So take out a pen and paper and enjoy - there is some GREAT material in here that you can start using IMMEDIATELY.

And by the way, if you don't recognize that guy on the far right side of the screen when they show the audience, you REALLY need to join us for some live approaches ;)


Here's part 2:


Videos taken from David Deangelo's 'Cocky Comedy'. Courtesy of YouTube.

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2007 - Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics

Family Guy: What Can We Learn From Quagmire?

www.ApproachDynamics.com

As I was watching an episode of Family Guy, I thought about what the show could teach us about dating, relationships and "approach".

1. Even someone like Quagmire can get a girl! Giggidy Giggidy! Everyone's goal is different (date as many people as possible, find a special someone, have multiple long term relationships, get married, etc.). The first question you need to ask yourself with regard to women and dating is, "What exactly am I looking for?" After all, if you are looking to buy a Mercedes, you are NOT going to walk into a Ford dealership. Once you are clear with yourself as to what you want, you will have a MUCH easier time meeting the kind of women you are seeking. Trust me - whatever your objective may be, there are women out there that will go along with it.

2. Another thanks to Glenn Quagmire - the art of "Peacocking" (wearing something to make yourself stand out with the intention of attracting the opposite sex). Dressing to attract attention works! Case in point - red Hawaiian shirt with yellow flowers and his light blue tuxedo!





Video courtesy of Metacafe

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2007 - Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics

Online Dating - The First Meeting

ApproachDynamics.com
OnlineDatingEdge.com

Notice I did not say the "first date." At this point, the two of you are still complete strangers. Sure, you have exchanged a couple of emails (hopefully not more than that) and have spoken on the phone once, but none of it means anything until you actually meet face-to-face.

The purpose of this initial meeting is to determine whether there is any physical attraction and/or chemistry between the two of you. That being the case, you want to create as low pressure an environment as possible. Make sure you meet in a public place and you each get there on your own. Also, keep it inexpensive and low-key. I like to meet initially for coffee or drinks. This way if the chemistry is not there, you can duck out with minimal time spent. Also, an inexpensive meeting like this will help you weed out the professional daters and gold-diggers that are just out for free food and entertainment at your expense. Leave those women for the chode who can't wait to show off his new BMW or brag about his job as an investment banker.

The following are some good ideas and basics for the first time you are going to be meeting someone. Whether you met this person online or through the infamous ‘blind date,’ this type of first meeting has somewhat of a different dynamic than your traditional 'first date' (which you shouldn't be doing either, but I'll save that for another column).

Obviously, the first thing you need to do is set up the date. If you have done everything right up until this point, this should be easy. Just call her up and ask her out. But before you call, make sure you have a specific date, time and place in mind. Be decisive. "Let’s grab drinks Thursday night. How’s 8:00? Great! Meet me at XXX Café 49th and 5th." Then GET OFF THE PHONE. Save the conversation for when you meet.

Things to keep in mind for the first meeting:

• You MUST have the mindset that you are the prize. You are meeting her to see if she lives up to YOUR expectations. NOT the other way around. These subtle things make a world of difference.
• If she is late, DO NOT wait more than 15 minutes for her. If she does not show up or call you within 15 minutes, LEAVE and throw her number away. Also, have something to do until she arrives, and make her find you when she gets there.
• Remember, THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE FUN.

I attribute a lot of my first-meeting successes to the prep work I did beforehand. Make sure you have these bases covered:

• Shine your shoes. It is one of the first things women notice.
• Remember - belt matches your shoes and socks match your pants.
• As for cologne, a good rule of thumb is that if Walgreens sells your favorite scent in a two-liter bottle, it’s time to find something else. Go to Sephora and ask women what they like - also a good conversation opener!
• Have gum/mints on you. And keep it in a place it can be discreetly accessed.
• Before you meet, re-read her online profile and the emails you have exchanged. Try and come up with some specific questions about her. Also, try to come up with default topics to talk about in case there are some awkward pauses in the conversation (relationship dysfunction, celebrity gossip - **Tip** read US Weekly for good stuff to talk about).

Here are some tips for setting up the first meeting:

• No weekends. She needs to think you have a life of your own and are out doing your own thing on Saturday and Sunday. Make the first meeting on a Mon-Thurs.
• Try to get there a few minutes early. This way you can make sure you get a good table and also find out whether the place itself is going to be a distraction (too noisy, crowded, rude waitstaff, etc). **TIP** - Try and go to a place that has tables which let you sit side-by-side as opposed to across from each other.
• Have at least 2-3 backup places in mind nearby in case you have to change venue at the last minute due to unforeseen circumstances.
• Also, have a few things in mind to do afterwards if things are going well. Try to make them interactive (i.e. bowling, pool, Megatouch in a bar, foosball, rollerskating, etc.).

And finally, some suggestions for the meeting itself:

• Keep the conversation light and funny. No heavy topics, no complaints, no insults.
• Topics to avoid at all costs - Physical ailments, rape or violence, Star Trek, anything self-deprecating, anything overtly sexual, your arrest record, Dungeons and Dragons, ex-girlfriends, that time that you got drunk and wet yourself, religion, politics, marriage, children.
• However, feel free to tease her a little. Disagree with her once or twice. Once she says something you disagree with, give her that "You are messing up your chances with me" look. Another line I like to use is "and you were doing SO well..." I also like to use my hand and signal that she just went down a notch.
• Stare at her face, NOT at her chest.
• Do not lean into her. Lean back and make her come towards you. Also, do not face her directly when talking. Have her turn her body towards you.
• Always pay for the first meeting. While you should never take her up on her feeble "how much do I owe you" routine, DO take notice if she fails to offer. And for god sakes, DON’T USE A COUPON.
• No more than ONE compliment on the first meeting. And try to be more creative than, "You’re so hot."
• DO NOT make plans for another date while out on this one. Leave her wondering. The key word here is CHALLENGE.
• Be sure you are the one who ends the date first. Try to end it on a high note - leave her wanting more!

At the end of the date, take some quick notes on what worked and what didn't. Do not worry about making mistakes - it is part of the learning process. Remember, each date is practice for the next one!

Happy Dating!

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2007 - ApproachDynamics/Online Dating Edge

Checking Out Your Date on Google

www.ApproachDynamics.com

Have you ever Googled someone before a date?

And to think there was actually a time where I thought I was the only one doing this!

There was also a time in the not-too-distant past where this question would have made for a great conversational opener with someone you just met: "HEY! My friend and I were having a debate and I would love to get a female/male opinion - have you ever Googled someone before a date?" This could lead to SO many different areas, including swapping war stories about things you have found or teasing the person doing the Googling for being a stalker. But not anymore.

Checking someone out online before a date no longer has that creepy stigma attached to it. These days, you are almost foolish NOT to Google someone before you meet. At the very least, you can find out what they are into and come up with some good conversation topics for your first meeting. And worst case? You find out they are wanted in Arizona, married with five children or still live with mommy and daddy at the tender age of 40, and you have now saved yourself from a bad date.

One final tip - Google yourself. Make sure you know what is out there on you - and be prepared to discuss it if it comes up. And if she does, you can still tease her about being a stalker!

There was a good article today from CNN on this topic. You can find the link below:
Googling Your Date

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2007 - Online Dating Edge/ Approach Dynamics

Smartass Answers to Dumbass Questions

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
http://www.approachdynamics.com/

How many people have you slept with?
Are you a player?
How old are you?
Does my ass look fat in these jeans?

There is going to come a point during an interaction with a women when you are likely to get hit with a question such as the ones above - the kind where you sit there asking yourself, 'what is she REALLY trying to find out?' The purpose of this article is to prepare you for this situation ahead of time, so you don't find yourself tongue tied (or WORSE, actually answer the question)!

These questions are TESTS and if you are not careful, you could end up divulging a LOT more information than you had planned.

***EDITORS NOTE - Now there ARE certain circumstances where one of these questions may in fact be appropriate (i.e. you are seriously dating someone and she wants to know if you are sleeping around for obvious health reasons). As with everything, these MUST be taken in context. The above article is geared towards those interactions with women where this information is still none of her business.

Let me give you an example. I was recently out with a girl I have been dating, and was asked how many people I have slept with. Seemed like an odd question, but there was alcohol involved (btw... 'I was drunk' is NOT a valid excuse for anything you do or say). I smiled and politely told her that I was a virgin. Apparently, that wasn’t gonna fly:

Her: No seriously, how many people have you slept with?
Me: In total, or just women?
Her: Stop it. Answer the question.
Me: You mean today?
Her: (getting frustrated) C’mon, knock it off.
Me: Well, does your mom count?
Her: Why wont you just answer the question?
Me: What question?

She finally gave up and moved on. Test passed!

The key is to be prepared for these situations ahead of time - and to NEVER give a direct answer. Remain calm, SMILE and use humor to deflect the question. Ask yourself, "How would Cary Grant or James Bond respond to that? What would Jim Carrey say?"

Not giving a straight answer to one of these questions accomplishes a lot of things at once - it shows that you have a sense of humor, a personality and subtly tells her than you are not some wussbag that is going to do whatever she wants.

It is also a good idea to have a couple of prepared answers to some of the most common questions you will face. I’ll get you started:

Q: Are you a player?
A: Yeah. I went 3 for 4 last night with 2 RBIs (then CHANGE SUBJECT).

Q: How old are you?
A: (Add or subtract 20 years from your real age)

Q: Does my ass look fat in these jeans?
A: Yes, your ass looks fat in those jeans (wink); OR
A: (sigh of relief) For a second there I thought you were going to ask me about your hair (smile and wink).

Q: What do you do?
A: click here

Got a dating question? Write to us at: Dating@ApproachDynamics.com

Copyright 2007 - ApproachDynamics/Online Dating Edge

Online Dating - When Teasing Goes Terribly Wrong

www.ApproachDynamics.com

Alexander,

I wanted to let you know about a little exchange that took place online a little while back. I was writing a bunch of women, and I came across this one profile. Cute girl, but her profile was one of those generic, cut and paste deals. Now I normally pass those over, but I decided this time that I was going to have some fun and see if I could find something to write. Her profile was virtually useless, so I decided to take a closer look at her pictures.

She had this one picture that totally stood out. She was wearing this white dress that looked like it was from the 1700s with a red sash around her waist. She looked like a cross between Martha Washington and a matador. Bingo! I had my opener...

"I gotta tell you XXX, I really dig that bullfighting outfit... did u win? Well, no matter - I guess all I need to do now is decide whether to dress up as a bull or a PETA protester and we have ourselves a Halloween date. I’ll drive (unless, of course, Im the bull... then we can cab it ;)

Talk soon,
D "

To my dismay, here was her reply...

"Dear Tool,

You have a real way with the ladies...insulting as a form of flirting? Go back to your manual of "How NOT to be a asshole" and let me know when you've brushed up on your skills. "

And my response...

"Yikes... I figured anyone who would wear something like that would have a pretty good sense of humor. Guess I was wrong. Best of luck."

Thought you guys would get a kick out of that one.

D
New York

********MY COMMENTS********

Dear Tool (I LOVE it!),

A bullfighter that looks like Martha Washington? Perhaps its time to find you another dating website.

But seriously guys, there is actually a lot to learn here. This girl happens to be quite attractive. Nonetheless, I think our friend here was clearly being playful, and did not deserve that kind of reaction. But this is a good thing.

A lot of guys I speak to have a fear of initiating a conversation with a woman - either online or in person. But since this is an article on online dating, I'll stick with that one.

Let me ask you. What is the worst thing that could possibly happen to you if you write to a girl online? a) she doesnt write you back; or b) she shows your email to a bunch of her friends and after they all laugh at what a tool you are, she writes you back and tries to insult you.

Well guys, you have just witnessed the worst-case scenario of what could happen to you online. And guess what? It's fucking funny!

Not only that, but this guy has now weeded out an immature, uptight girl that has absolutely no sense of humor right from the beginning. Can you imagine dating someone like this? Constantly walking on eggshells evey time you say something for fear you might offend her. NO woman is cute enough to have to endure that.

Teasing from the get-go is also a good test to see if the girl you are writing to is fun and has a sense of humor. If she doesn't, then just move on to the next one. There are SO many women online - no use wasting your time on some ice queen that still hasn't gotten over the fact that she didn't get a bicycle for her seventh birthday.

An important lesson from one of my previous posts is to never be afraid to offend someone. As long as you are coming from a place where you are being playful and not malicious, you will be fine. What someone else thinks about you is none of your business - it's THEIR problem. Remember, this is all supposed to be fun.

Happy dating!

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2007 - ApproachDynamics/Online Dating Edge

Field Report - The Fake Job

www.ApproachDynamics.com

Alright, not all of us have what some would consider to be a "cool" or even an interesting job, and at times the question of what you do comes up. While honesty is always the best policy, there are times when playing around can be fun. One of my buddies, for instance, introduces himself as a "paper clip repairman" or a "miniature golf caddy", or my personal favorite, "the lettuce guy at Taco Bell." No offense to anyone who has the latter position.

In contrast, another buddy of mine hates his job as an accountant, so for the hell of it he always says he's an actuary to women he's making the move on. Usually they have no idea what an actuary does so he can just BS a little and move on.

Well, it all backfired the other night! He told this smokin' blonde he was an actuary to which she responded, "what level?" As it turns out, an actuary takes a number of different exams to advance in their status. He said, "second level." She smiled, laughed, and said, "which one of your friends is really the actuary?" In the end, it didn't matter, but lesson learned... when "switching" jobs #1- know what that person actually does and #2 be something cooler than an actuary!

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2007 - ApproachDynamics/Online Dating Edge