Approaching Women - Eye Contact

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Stephen,

I had a question for you about eye contact. One of my major sticking points is when I lock eyes with a woman and she stares back. I know that the guy is not supposed to be the one to break eye contact first, and when you do look away you should look to the side or up (but NEVER down). My problem is that when we are staring at each other, what else am I supposed to do? In a perfect world, I would just go up and start talking to her. But what about those situations (i.e. a crowded subway, a busy street) where that would not be so easy to do? Do I smile at her, stick out my tongue or just keep looking at her? I think it gets a little weird after a few seconds. Also, if I am going to approach, do I maintain eye contact, or break the stare and make my move. Thanks a lot, and keep up the great work!

Scott
Brooklyn, New York

********MY COMMENTS********

Though seemingly simple for some, making eye contact and the resulting actions are a difficult task for many. Eye contact is a necessary step in approaching someone of interest, or in dealing with a significant other (do me, yourself, and your significant other a favor and just look into his or her eyes for a few moments today- you'd be surprised at how it can rekindle that flame!) Pardon my pontification, let me get back to your question. You make eye contact and it seems like an eternity, your knees lock, your heart's beating a mile a minute, and you feel choked up. Does that sum it up?

Lets get to basics. Relax. Take a deep breath. Breath again! Is he or she any different from you? Do they wipe their ass just like you? (Pardon my nasty example, but it's true!) It's easy to say and for some difficult to do, but you need to relax. I understand some people are shy, but if EVERYONE is shy, no one would talk. Or at least many good opportunities would be wasted as we do not always "get to know"everyone we see and grow comfortable around them.

Now different situations call for different actions. For example, you make eye contact for a period of time, she smiles and looks away, you keep staring, she sees you staring, and now you are "that creepy guy on the subway that stares." There is a difference between making eye contact and staring/gawking. If you make eye contact on the subway, SMILE! If she shows signs of interest say hello, introduce yourself! What's the worst that happens? She ignores you or moves away. If she does that RESPECT IT! A subway can be an intimidating place, especially for women, and especially at night.

Hope that helps! Let us know if you have any other questions or comments.

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