Live Earth - The Forgotten Post

By popular request, here is the synopsis of a few of our approaches from the Live Earth Concert at Giants Stadium. As a reminder, Approach Dynamics will be conducting another Live Approach Training at the Saw Doctors concert on Saturday, August 11, 2007 at Irving Plaza in Manhattan. Seats are filling up FAST, so if you want in, click here and sign up.

1. Upon moving towards our seats, I noticed a row of 4 girls sitting by themselves. Showtime! I moved in with "The Jackal" and "Iggy" and quickly things were progressing. They all happened to graduate a year ago from "The Dalton School" (Reverse Gold Digger?) and are currently attending Indiana University. Conversation flowed well, and after a little banter, we went on listening to the music and talking amongst ourselves. They quickly clamored for more attention. Props to "The Jackal" and "Iggy" for their good work!

2. About 3 hours after the debacle with the "rude girl", Jackal made another attempt. He moved in on a different girl in the set, who looked like someone had shot her dog.
"Come on, lets have some fun!" he said jovially.
NO RESPONSE...
(Playing dumb and having fun) "Are you ok?"
"She's fine," said the blocker (biatch 1)
"I'm ok," the girl promptly responded.
Another blocker, a bony, weird looking guy in a V neck t-shirt said in a hostile voice picking a fight, "hey where's your ticket, dick?"
The Jackal: "In my pocket, I'm sure you'd like to get it."

Then Jackal turned to the target with a smile and said, "sorry everyone here is so angry... try and have some fun."
As he returned, Jackal shook his head and said, "Wow, what a sad bunch."

No truer words had been spoken!

3. After our foray into the college scene, I proceeded to move in on a more mature woman. A lovely 30 year old lawyer from NJ. She approached me about how much she loved my kissing penguins shirt. PEACOCKING at an environmental venue! :) She started getting all cerebral with me about carbon emissions, global warming, and electricity generation. Good thing I have multiple degrees in related fields! She was smitten. She asked if she could give me her email so that maybe we could get together.

4. Upon leaving the show, I noticed a girl on top of a 3 to 4 foot high divider, which was separating buses that were heading back to Manhattan from a huge crowd of concertgoers. She was looking around and yelling out to people she went to the show with.

"What's going on at the front of the line 'Girl On Top'?" I asked her.

She smiled while loving the attention and we proceeded to have some friendly double-entendre laden conversation.

The Jackal then climbed up onto the divider with the 'Girl on Top' for a little bit, while I ran interference with her other girlfriends down below. As we got on the buses, Jackal asked for and received the golden digits. Once again, well done my young apprentice!

Lessons learned here? It's all about having fun. Don't worry about the outcomes of any particular interaction, "IT JUST DOESN'T MATTER". Oh yeah, and fruity-looking guys in v-neck t-shirts like hanging out with bizatches.

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2007 - Approach Dynamics / Online Dating Edge

Approaching Women in a Loud Envirornment

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Stephen,

I was at a small pub recently and there was a live band playing. About 10 minutes in, I spotted this really hot chick. We made eye contact, smiled at each other, clanked our beer glasses and started chatting. Unfortunately that's where it all went downhill. I was having a really hard time hearing anything she was saying. This was also the kind of place where there was no quiet area I could take her to. Eventually the conversation just fizzled out and we went back to our friends. Is there a better way to approach this kind of situation next time?

Lee
Ithaca, NY

********MY COMMENTS********

Some locations are just not conducive to conversation and approaching, and small bars with live bands playing are real tough. There are a couple of different ways to play this. First, there is ALWAYS a quiet or quieter area. Say to her, "Hey! Let's go somewhere a little more quiet," and search together. If she digs you, she'll probably enjoy the adventure! Also by moving to another spot with her, you have now (psychologically speaking) 'gone someplace with her' and she will feel more comfortable with you. Try it next time you meet a woman at a bar. You will be happy with the results.

You could also exit the conversation (hopefully leaving her wanting more) and then meet up again at an intermission. After all, the band is not going to be playing ALL night, and if this is a small place, you should bump into her again. So bide your time, my friend.

But it seems like the bigger issue was your lack of something to talk about. So work on your conversational skills, and give it another shot. Remember, each encounter is practice for the next one!

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2007 - Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics

Approaching Women - The Art of Peacocking

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Since our post on Family Guy, we have had a number of requests for more information on peacocking. So here ya go...

In his book, ‘The Game,’ author Neil Strauss (a.k.a. ‘Style’) defines peacocking as follows:

“to dress in loud clothing or with flashy accoutrements in order to get attention from women. Peacocking items include bright shiny shirts, light-up jewelry, feather boas, colorful cowboy hats, or anything that makes one stand out in a crowd.”

There have been some great examples of peacocking in pop culture. One need only look at American Idol to see how a no-talent assclown named Sanjaya was able to advance far into the competition by standing out from the crowd (see above).

Even something as simple as a “loud” shirt, a funky hat or a flashy belt buckle (which brings attention to your crotch!) can do the trick. I came across peacocking by accident one night when I showed up at a college sports bar in a full tuxedo. Worked very well. I personally like a nice standout t-shirt (my favorite is a black one with Nosferatu on it) and a retro sports jacket. This frequently gets attention and has led to COUNTLESS conversations and possibilities.

Even if you go TOTALLY out there - pink boa, feathered hat, pimp-daddy style, you will get a reaction which could lead to opportunities. Take Michael Richards (a.k.a. Cosmo Kramer) from his pre-Laugh Factory days for instance...










Kramer clip from Seinfeld courtesy of YouTube

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2007 - Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics

A 'Scientific Approach' to Dating

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I am happy to report that we have finally answered that question of yours from high school science class about how this (insert expletive here) is going to help you in real life. Here ya go...

The Scientific Method & Dating:

1. The Problem(s):
How do I find a date?
How do I find a girlfriend or boyfriend?
How do I find a partner?
How do I find a significant other?
How do I find a husband or wife?
How do I meet new people?

2. The Hypothesis:
I'll go out to bars and clubs (why is it that most people limit themselves to these two places? think outside the box!), ask friends to introduce me to other people or get an online dating membership.

3. Materials and Methods:
Ask pre-existing friends to help you out by introducing you to other people they know. Go to local hot spots or even keep your eyes open while going through the normal menutia of everyday life (i.e. smile and say hello to people while food shopping, browsing the bookstore or waiting on line at the bank). Get an online dating account with match, jdate, chemistry or any of the other dating sites out there. Decide what you are looking for.

4. Experiment:
Go out and have conversations with people and see what happens. Write your profile, email people, and set up some first meetings. Don't be a 'keyboard jockey' that just sits around looking at profiles. Let loose and have some fun.

5. Results:
Every date is practice for the next. What did I learn from the experience? Where can I improve next time? What were the positives and negatives? Alas, this starts getting easier!

6. Conclusion:
Do you have an interest in any of these people? Where do you see things heading? If it's a go, move on to the next step. If not? Wash. Rinse. Repeat cycle.

It's great when things flow neatly like this, but as we all know life isn't always linear - it often branches into many directions forming a complex web. Try and keep things as simple as possible and it will make life a lot simpler. Happy dating!

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2007 - Approach Dynamics / Online Dating Edge

Online Dating - Things That Make You Go Hmm

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**EDITOR’S NOTE - This is a revision of a previous draft of this article, which I have updated after it was brought to my attention that there was some confusion regarding my position on this issue. -AS

Here is a woman’s profile I happened to stumble across. Read this one closely - there’s a LOT going on here.

********
The art of online dating involves honing conversational and social skills within a very grey area, but there are ways to make the person you are dating, believe the words from your mouth are sweet like honey. "Talk to a man about himself and he will listen for hours." And he was right.

The secret to having a man's undivided attention is to ask him open-ended questions about his interests, and then seem completely fascinated by what he tells you. Ask him questions about what he tells you; do not merely sit there with nothing to contribute. A good conversationalist would also ask you questions about yourself as well, as he'll want to get to know you better. And even though you may feel so comfortable with someone you met online, certain topics remain taboo. These include your ex-boyfriends, health problems and daily grind. Try to keep the conversation flowing, stroking his ego and maintaining your air of mysticism. He'll be hanging at your every word.
********
Yes, this is an ACTUAL profile (copied, in its entirety, word for word).

Although she does hit on some of the basics for keeping a conversation going with someone you just met (asking open-ended questions, following up on topics he/she brings up, asking questions about your date, and avoiding topics such as exes, health problems and so on), she does so in a grossly misguided way. Some of these skills (channeled properly) are covered in our article on The First Meeting.

Needless to say, the author of this profile is an example of someone you want to stay far, far away from. It amazes me that someone would put their name (and picture!) alongside this profile in their search for a date, but at least it reminds the rest of us that there are some weirdos out there (both male and female), and we need to be alert so that we can avoid wasting our time, money and emotional energy with someone that is not right for us.

Alexander Stone and Stephen David
Copyright 2007 - Approach Dynamics / Online Dating Edge

Approaching Women - Eye Contact

www.ApproachDynamics.com

Stephen,

I had a question for you about eye contact. One of my major sticking points is when I lock eyes with a woman and she stares back. I know that the guy is not supposed to be the one to break eye contact first, and when you do look away you should look to the side or up (but NEVER down). My problem is that when we are staring at each other, what else am I supposed to do? In a perfect world, I would just go up and start talking to her. But what about those situations (i.e. a crowded subway, a busy street) where that would not be so easy to do? Do I smile at her, stick out my tongue or just keep looking at her? I think it gets a little weird after a few seconds. Also, if I am going to approach, do I maintain eye contact, or break the stare and make my move. Thanks a lot, and keep up the great work!

Scott
Brooklyn, New York

********MY COMMENTS********

Though seemingly simple for some, making eye contact and the resulting actions are a difficult task for many. Eye contact is a necessary step in approaching someone of interest, or in dealing with a significant other (do me, yourself, and your significant other a favor and just look into his or her eyes for a few moments today- you'd be surprised at how it can rekindle that flame!) Pardon my pontification, let me get back to your question. You make eye contact and it seems like an eternity, your knees lock, your heart's beating a mile a minute, and you feel choked up. Does that sum it up?

Lets get to basics. Relax. Take a deep breath. Breath again! Is he or she any different from you? Do they wipe their ass just like you? (Pardon my nasty example, but it's true!) It's easy to say and for some difficult to do, but you need to relax. I understand some people are shy, but if EVERYONE is shy, no one would talk. Or at least many good opportunities would be wasted as we do not always "get to know"everyone we see and grow comfortable around them.

Now different situations call for different actions. For example, you make eye contact for a period of time, she smiles and looks away, you keep staring, she sees you staring, and now you are "that creepy guy on the subway that stares." There is a difference between making eye contact and staring/gawking. If you make eye contact on the subway, SMILE! If she shows signs of interest say hello, introduce yourself! What's the worst that happens? She ignores you or moves away. If she does that RESPECT IT! A subway can be an intimidating place, especially for women, and especially at night.

Hope that helps! Let us know if you have any other questions or comments.

Dating question? Write to us at Dating@ApproachDynamics.com
Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2007 - ApproachDynamics/Online Dating Edge

A Good Approach Example - 'Before Sunrise'

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I recently saw the movie ‘Before Sunrise.’ The premise of the movie is that an American backpacker (played by Ethan Hawke) strikes up a conversation with a cute French girl while on a train to Vienna, Austria. He then persuades her to get off the train with him in Vienna and join him for his last night in Europe. You can check it out on Netflix here.

At the beginning of the movie, the French girl changes her seat on the train due to a German couple arguing, and ends up sitting directly across the aisle from Ethan Hawke. The two of them make eye contact, and Hawke makes a comment to her about the argument. Before you know it, the two of them are grabbing a bite together in the snack car. It’s on!

Had Ethan Hawke wussed out and not said anything to the girl, the dynamic between the two characters would never have had an opportunity to develop. By merely opening his mouth and saying something, he eventually managed to convince this girl - a complete stranger - to get off the train and accompany him for his last night in town.

The point is that you cannot have any interactions with women (or anyone else for that matter) unless you can initiate a conversation. Who knows? If the conversation goes well, you can get her phone number or try and set up an instant date. "Hey, I’m going to grab some coffee. Come join me." Worst case? She is not interested, and you have another approach under your belt. Absolute worst case? The girl totally freaks out on you, and you now have a great story to tell your friends!

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2007 - Online Dating Edge/ Approach Dynamics

Online Dating - The First Meeting

ApproachDynamics.com
OnlineDatingEdge.com

Notice I did not say the "first date." At this point, the two of you are still complete strangers. Sure, you have exchanged a couple of emails (hopefully not more than that) and have spoken on the phone once, but none of it means anything until you actually meet face-to-face.

The purpose of this initial meeting is to determine whether there is any physical attraction and/or chemistry between the two of you. That being the case, you want to create as low pressure an environment as possible. Make sure you meet in a public place and you each get there on your own. Also, keep it inexpensive and low-key. I like to meet initially for coffee or drinks. This way if the chemistry is not there, you can duck out with minimal time spent. Also, an inexpensive meeting like this will help you weed out the professional daters and gold-diggers that are just out for free food and entertainment at your expense. Leave those women for the chode who can't wait to show off his new BMW or brag about his job as an investment banker.

The following are some good ideas and basics for the first time you are going to be meeting someone. Whether you met this person online or through the infamous ‘blind date,’ this type of first meeting has somewhat of a different dynamic than your traditional 'first date' (which you shouldn't be doing either, but I'll save that for another column).

Obviously, the first thing you need to do is set up the date. If you have done everything right up until this point, this should be easy. Just call her up and ask her out. But before you call, make sure you have a specific date, time and place in mind. Be decisive. "Let’s grab drinks Thursday night. How’s 8:00? Great! Meet me at XXX Café 49th and 5th." Then GET OFF THE PHONE. Save the conversation for when you meet.

Things to keep in mind for the first meeting:

• You MUST have the mindset that you are the prize. You are meeting her to see if she lives up to YOUR expectations. NOT the other way around. These subtle things make a world of difference.
• If she is late, DO NOT wait more than 15 minutes for her. If she does not show up or call you within 15 minutes, LEAVE and throw her number away. Also, have something to do until she arrives, and make her find you when she gets there.
• Remember, THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE FUN.

I attribute a lot of my first-meeting successes to the prep work I did beforehand. Make sure you have these bases covered:

• Shine your shoes. It is one of the first things women notice.
• Remember - belt matches your shoes and socks match your pants.
• As for cologne, a good rule of thumb is that if Walgreens sells your favorite scent in a two-liter bottle, it’s time to find something else. Go to Sephora and ask women what they like - also a good conversation opener!
• Have gum/mints on you. And keep it in a place it can be discreetly accessed.
• Before you meet, re-read her online profile and the emails you have exchanged. Try and come up with some specific questions about her. Also, try to come up with default topics to talk about in case there are some awkward pauses in the conversation (relationship dysfunction, celebrity gossip - **Tip** read US Weekly for good stuff to talk about).

Here are some tips for setting up the first meeting:

• No weekends. She needs to think you have a life of your own and are out doing your own thing on Saturday and Sunday. Make the first meeting on a Mon-Thurs.
• Try to get there a few minutes early. This way you can make sure you get a good table and also find out whether the place itself is going to be a distraction (too noisy, crowded, rude waitstaff, etc). **TIP** - Try and go to a place that has tables which let you sit side-by-side as opposed to across from each other.
• Have at least 2-3 backup places in mind nearby in case you have to change venue at the last minute due to unforeseen circumstances.
• Also, have a few things in mind to do afterwards if things are going well. Try to make them interactive (i.e. bowling, pool, Megatouch in a bar, foosball, rollerskating, etc.).

And finally, some suggestions for the meeting itself:

• Keep the conversation light and funny. No heavy topics, no complaints, no insults.
• Topics to avoid at all costs - Physical ailments, rape or violence, Star Trek, anything self-deprecating, anything overtly sexual, your arrest record, Dungeons and Dragons, ex-girlfriends, that time that you got drunk and wet yourself, religion, politics, marriage, children.
• However, feel free to tease her a little. Disagree with her once or twice. Once she says something you disagree with, give her that "You are messing up your chances with me" look. Another line I like to use is "and you were doing SO well..." I also like to use my hand and signal that she just went down a notch.
• Stare at her face, NOT at her chest.
• Do not lean into her. Lean back and make her come towards you. Also, do not face her directly when talking. Have her turn her body towards you.
• Always pay for the first meeting. While you should never take her up on her feeble "how much do I owe you" routine, DO take notice if she fails to offer. And for god sakes, DON’T USE A COUPON.
• No more than ONE compliment on the first meeting. And try to be more creative than, "You’re so hot."
• DO NOT make plans for another date while out on this one. Leave her wondering. The key word here is CHALLENGE.
• Be sure you are the one who ends the date first. Try to end it on a high note - leave her wanting more!

At the end of the date, take some quick notes on what worked and what didn't. Do not worry about making mistakes - it is part of the learning process. Remember, each date is practice for the next one!

Happy Dating!

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2007 - ApproachDynamics/Online Dating Edge

Checking Out Your Date on Google

www.ApproachDynamics.com

Have you ever Googled someone before a date?

And to think there was actually a time where I thought I was the only one doing this!

There was also a time in the not-too-distant past where this question would have made for a great conversational opener with someone you just met: "HEY! My friend and I were having a debate and I would love to get a female/male opinion - have you ever Googled someone before a date?" This could lead to SO many different areas, including swapping war stories about things you have found or teasing the person doing the Googling for being a stalker. But not anymore.

Checking someone out online before a date no longer has that creepy stigma attached to it. These days, you are almost foolish NOT to Google someone before you meet. At the very least, you can find out what they are into and come up with some good conversation topics for your first meeting. And worst case? You find out they are wanted in Arizona, married with five children or still live with mommy and daddy at the tender age of 40, and you have now saved yourself from a bad date.

One final tip - Google yourself. Make sure you know what is out there on you - and be prepared to discuss it if it comes up. And if she does, you can still tease her about being a stalker!

There was a good article today from CNN on this topic. You can find the link below:
Googling Your Date

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2007 - Online Dating Edge/ Approach Dynamics

Smartass Answers to Dumbass Questions

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
http://www.approachdynamics.com/

How many people have you slept with?
Are you a player?
How old are you?
Does my ass look fat in these jeans?

There is going to come a point during an interaction with a women when you are likely to get hit with a question such as the ones above - the kind where you sit there asking yourself, 'what is she REALLY trying to find out?' The purpose of this article is to prepare you for this situation ahead of time, so you don't find yourself tongue tied (or WORSE, actually answer the question)!

These questions are TESTS and if you are not careful, you could end up divulging a LOT more information than you had planned.

***EDITORS NOTE - Now there ARE certain circumstances where one of these questions may in fact be appropriate (i.e. you are seriously dating someone and she wants to know if you are sleeping around for obvious health reasons). As with everything, these MUST be taken in context. The above article is geared towards those interactions with women where this information is still none of her business.

Let me give you an example. I was recently out with a girl I have been dating, and was asked how many people I have slept with. Seemed like an odd question, but there was alcohol involved (btw... 'I was drunk' is NOT a valid excuse for anything you do or say). I smiled and politely told her that I was a virgin. Apparently, that wasn’t gonna fly:

Her: No seriously, how many people have you slept with?
Me: In total, or just women?
Her: Stop it. Answer the question.
Me: You mean today?
Her: (getting frustrated) C’mon, knock it off.
Me: Well, does your mom count?
Her: Why wont you just answer the question?
Me: What question?

She finally gave up and moved on. Test passed!

The key is to be prepared for these situations ahead of time - and to NEVER give a direct answer. Remain calm, SMILE and use humor to deflect the question. Ask yourself, "How would Cary Grant or James Bond respond to that? What would Jim Carrey say?"

Not giving a straight answer to one of these questions accomplishes a lot of things at once - it shows that you have a sense of humor, a personality and subtly tells her than you are not some wussbag that is going to do whatever she wants.

It is also a good idea to have a couple of prepared answers to some of the most common questions you will face. I’ll get you started:

Q: Are you a player?
A: Yeah. I went 3 for 4 last night with 2 RBIs (then CHANGE SUBJECT).

Q: How old are you?
A: (Add or subtract 20 years from your real age)

Q: Does my ass look fat in these jeans?
A: Yes, your ass looks fat in those jeans (wink); OR
A: (sigh of relief) For a second there I thought you were going to ask me about your hair (smile and wink).

Q: What do you do?
A: click here

Got a dating question? Write to us at: Dating@ApproachDynamics.com

Copyright 2007 - ApproachDynamics/Online Dating Edge