15 Dating Tips for 2008 - Part 2

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Here is the second half of our 15 dating tips for 2008. For Part 1, click here.

15 Dating Tips for 2008 (Part 2):

9. Don’t do anything expensive on a first meeting, especially if you're going out with somebody you met online. Coffee or tea work great. If you like, agree to meet at a place where there are other things close by you can move to if the date is going well (i.e. bowling alley, pool hall, etc.). If, for whatever reason, you are worried about getting suckered into taking her to dinner, meet later in the evening (i.e. 8pm) and casually mention that you already ate.

10. Ever wonder how you can tell if a woman is interested in you? KISS HER. ALWAYS go for a kiss at the end of the first date. If it is a girl you met online, the first meeting does not necessarily count as a ‘first date,’ and in that case, make sure you go for a kiss by the end of the second meeting. If she does not kiss you back, get rid of her. This is a clear sign that she is not interested and you are wasting your time.

11. Even a bad date can yield some positive results. I was out with someone earlier this year – Harvard MBA, top exec at a Fortune 100 company, blah blah blah. In between the drill-sergeant/job interview questions (including my favorite – ‘do you own or rent?’), she gave me the name of a kick-ass improv class which I ended up taking. She also made a compelling argument for quitting your job and going back to grad school full-time rather than part-time – which I took into consideration when I made the move this past summer. Not bad for a 45 minute date which cost me less than 20 bucks. And in case you were wondering, I didn’t answer ANY of her stupid questions.

12. Always have a stupid answer ready for any stupid questions she may throw at you. Check out our recent article for some help on how to answer the dreaded ‘What do you do?’ question.

13. When it comes to dating, a little spontaneity is always good – but make sure you set a time limit on it. A well-placed, “drinks tonite?’ text message or email can work wonders – as long as you don’t put yourself in a position where you are now stuck waiting for her response. Make sure you add something along the lines of, “This message will self-destruct in 2 hours.”

14. Dating is not done in a vacuum and people are not robots (well… you know what I mean). There will be situations where it may be okay to ‘violate’ one of the above rules. But this only comes with practice. In the meantime, don’t beat yourself up if you make a mistake – you will. Just learn from it and get it right the next time.

15. Remember guys – THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE FUN. If you are not enjoying your dating life, you are doing something wrong. Feel free to drop us an email if you have any questions about anything, or if you like, take advantage of our profile rewriting services or one of our live approach workshops.



Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2008 - All rights reserved
Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics

15 Dating Tips for 2008 - Part 1

For more information about our services, including online dating profile rewrites and critiques, as well as live approach workshops, click here.

One of the most important things I took from yesterday’s column (other than the information itself) is the fact that there is MUCH more to life than just dating. Even if your game is tight and you have women throwing themselves at your feet, you still need to make sure you have the rest of your life in order if you plan on keeping any of them around. This includes your finances, hobbies, job, living arrangement, friends, your health, and so on.

Every year around this time, I sit down and compile a list of my goals/plans for the coming year. I am not a huge proponent of the ‘New Year's Resolution’ – if you want to give up smoking, go on a diet or join a gym, just do it. You shouldn’t need an arbitrary future date to start going after what you want. However, this IS a good time of the year to assess where you are and where you would like to go.

I have been looking back over the past year’s articles, emails from you guys as well as my own dating life and have come up with a list of dating tips for the coming year. What was originally going to be a Letterman-esque top ten list has turned into 15. So I am going to do this one in two parts. Enjoy!

15 Dating Tips for 2008:

1. If a woman flakes on plans for your first meeting, get rid of her. If this is how she is making a first impression, you can only imagine what’s to come in the future. I had a situation this year where I (reluctantly) agreed to reschedule after a girl cancelled plans on me an hour before we were supposed to meet – and ended up having a really good time. However, after we made plans to hang out the next week, she flaked on me again last minute. Lesson learned.

2. Nothing matters until you meet in person. This is why it is so important to get to a first meeting as quickly as possible. Having a great ‘connection’ online or on the phone is meaningless until you see each other face to face. I can't tell you the amount of times I used to think I had found ‘the one’ online, only to be utterly disappointed when we actually met.

3. Don't rush into things too quickly with a woman you like. Even if the two of you hit it off from the get-go, try and keep the pace slow. Rushing into a relationship will inevitably lead to burnout. Remember, a relationship is a marathon, not a sprint.

4. Avoid going on group dates early on. For the first 60 - 90 days of the relationship, make your dates just you and her. There will be plenty of time for you to meet each other's friends once you have survived that critical early period and become a couple.



5. Even if you have an excellent first date, you are not yet home free. I had a first meeting this summer which ended up going until 3am (with both of us having work the next morning). However, when I tried to make plans to hang out again, I discovered she was a total psycho. Perhaps one day I’ll post the text messages…

6. Be careful of shit tests from women. There is plenty of material out there on how to pass them (which you should definitely learn how to do), but you still need to decide for yourself whether it is worth the trouble in the long run. While testing from women is to be expected, some women take the process a little bit too far. Decide for yourself how much you would be willing to tolerate and avoid women that go beyond that. NEVER sacrifice your overall comfort level for a woman - NO woman is cute enough to have to endure a constant barrage of judging.

7. If a girl writes to you online, and you are pretty certain you're not going to be interested in her, don't waste everyone’s time by writing her back. Just move on.

8. NEVER accept “definitely maybe" plans. When you call a woman to make plans, make sure that you hang up with a definite date, time and place to meet. Do not put yourself in a situation where you have to “call her back and confirm" prior to meeting. If she says anything along lines of “give me a call earlier that day so we can confirm that were still on,” tell her that you don't like to make maybe plans and that when you make plans you stick to them and there should not be any reason you should have to call and confirm that day. If she likes you, she will appreciate that you are being decisive and will agree to meet.

However, if she pushes the matter further, she is telling you that she has low interest in meeting you and she is going to let you hang until something better comes along. Just cancel on the spot. You should never put yourself in a situation where you are wondering whether or not she is going to show.

Tomorrow - Tips 9-15

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2008 - All rights reserved
Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics

Dating: How to Handle Inappropriate Quesions

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Hey guys,

What is a good response to a woman who asks you on a first date, “Do you own or rent?”


********MY COMMENTS********

Depending on how the rest of the night has been going, there are a bunch of ways you can deal with this. But in reality, anything other than “I own” or “I rent” would work.

It should go without saying that this kind of question is a MAJOR red flag, and you might want to reconsider whether this is someone you want to be spending any more time with. You probably have a status whore or a gold digger on your hands.

How would I handle it? I would probably end the date and throw her number away, but not before having some fun.

Here’s my response:

“I don’t think I understand your question (looking really confused)... what do you mean?” And then continue playing stupid with whatever she says in response. I can keep that conversation going for hours!

Of course, you can also go with some other approaches. Feel free to mix and match these if she continues to press the issue:

“How about you come back to my place and I’ll SHOW you...”

“Actually, I’m on welfare (looking really ashamed)... by the way, would you mind picking up the tab?”

“Did you see the Met game last night?”

“Do you spit or swallow?”

“I’d love to tell you, but look at the time... it was nice meeting you though.”

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2007 - All rights reserved
Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics

Approaching Women: The 'Dating For Dummies' Opener

For more information about our services, including online dating profile rewrites and critiques, as well as live approach training, click here.

Last night’s Live Approach Workshop was a HUGE success. It always amazes me how much a person can improve in just one night when they make the commitment to get this part of their life handled. Stay tuned for a full field report on our night out, which included a kick-ass time at the Saw Doctors concert, as well as some pre-show cougar hunting.

Here is an opener we like to use early in the night while we are still getting warmed up - the ‘Dating For Dummies’ opener.

Here’s how it works. Go to a bookstore and head over to the Dating/ Relationships section. Grab a copy of ‘Dating For Dummies’ and turn to page 86. There you will find a list of pick-up lines you should NEVER use. Specifically, there are four:

“Come here often?”

“What’s your sign?”

“I must have died and gone to heaven, because where else would I see an angel like you?”

“If I told you that you have a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?”

Now in order to pull this off successfully, you need to convey the image that you really know what you are doing, but are pretending to be a clueless chode that is trying to learn how to score with the ladies.

Walk up to a woman with the book out in front of you, so she can clearly see what it is. Smile and say “HI!” Then look down at the book, look up at her again, and with a big smile use one of the lines.

This will usually get a laugh. React with one of those “Oh my god, this is working!” expressions. Then smile even more, and try another one of the lines. From there, tease her about how “I had no idea these lines actually work” and then segue into normal conversation.

Good luck!

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2007 - All rights reserved
Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics

Being a Smartass: Busting on Cashiers

One of the best ways to practice teasing women is by talking to service staff (waitresses, sales clerks, cashiers, etc.). Most of them are very friendly and sociable, and best of all, they HAVE TO be nice to you! Just don't be obnoxious about it - make sure you smile and that you have a playful attitude during the interaction. Otherwise it's not cool.

Today were are going to talk about some ways to have fun with cashiers. Many of these women go through day after day of mindless chit chat with countless, nameless faces. Give them the gift of breaking them out of their reality for a few seconds, and make them smile. When done right, you can TOTALLY make their day.

Here are some of my favorite things to do with cashiers. Of course, much of this depends on where you are and what the situation is. Remember, this is supposed to be fun for EVERYONE involved. There is a fine line between being playful and being a dick. Don't cross it.

1. This one works best in a commercial retail setting (Target, Wegmans, Toys R Us, etc.). After she rings up the total, try to bargain with her! Tell her that since you are her favorite customer, she can give you a special discount. Then promise that you wont tell anyone, it will be your little secret. If she gives you a hard time, offer to cut her in on the savings. Tell her she can use that money to take you out for a proper date. If she still resists, break up with her, right in front of everyone!

2. This one is good in places with older cash registers (liquor stores, mom and pop groceries, pizza places). If the total comes to, let's say, $4.64, give her $7.38 (with a straight face)! Act like it is the most normal thing in the world. Watch her reaction. Always good fun! Remember to always give her less change than the total.

3. Here's one for supermarkets or drug stores. Put together a combination of really weird shit and see how she handles it. I was once in a drug store with a friend of mine at like 3am and there was a cute girl behind the counter. We decided we were going to have some fun...

Between the two of us, we had a 12 pack of beer, Preparation H, a box of condoms and some shampoo! We also assumed the roles of 2 guys pretending to be smooth with the ladies, even though we were acting like a couple of tools. Unfortunately, this girl had no reaction whatsoever. But at least WE got a good laugh out of it.

The key here is to have fun with this, and to try and get the cashier in on it as well. If you can come from a frame of just being out enjoying yourself and trying to spread some of that around, you’ll be fine. Just remember that if you encounter someone that REALLY doesn’t want to play along, PLEASE be polite about it - not everyone has this kind of sense of humor (tragic, I know!).

Good luck!

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2007 - Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics

Romantic Date Places - San Diego

www.ApproachDynamics.com

Yes, I am a born and bred New Yorker. But I do get to travel from time to time, and one of my favorite spots is DEFINITELY San Diego. The beaches, the weather, the kick-ass downtown area and of course, the women. How can you go wrong? Here are some of my favorite date spots when I’m in town...

The Cave Store:

I have to be honest. I'm not sure I want to be writing about this place - as part of its charm is the fact that no one seems to know about it. But it is an AWESOME place to take a date. The Cave Store is located in La Jolla, right off of Prospect Place. From the outside it looks like a regular shop, and they sell some artifacts and San Diego souvenirs. But the real treasure of this place is located at the bottom of the long staircase in the back of the store. Give the girl at the counter four bucks, and she will let you see for yourself.

At the bottom you will find Sunny Jim Cave, which got its name because its opening bears a striking resemblance to W.W. Denslow's cartoon character Sunny Jim who was a mascot for the British Force Wheat cereal products of the 1920's (btw... photo above taken by yours truly). Make sure you bring your camera, and shut off the flash! For a confused look, tell them the guys from Approach Dynamics sent you (then you can BUST on her for not knowing who we are ;)

Afterwards, take your date for a walk down Prospect Place, along the water. There are some staircases which will take you right down to the beach. From there you are on your own...

Balboa Park:

What can I say? I am a sucker for southwestern architecture. And there is no better place to see it in town than Balboa Park. The grounds are absolutely immaculate, and there are old and hidden treasures everywhere you look. Grab yourself a picnic basket and have a nice relaxing meal with your date. Then go for a walk and check out one of the fifteen museums at the park.

Our favorite is the Reuben H. Fleet Science Center. Stephen and I had the honor of attending a private function there earlier this year (picking up a cute blonde waitress in the process!), and had a great time checking out the myriad of hands-on exhibits. If you go, be sure to also check out one of the feature films at the IMAX theatre.

Around town:

As for nightlife, our favorite spot is Aubergine on 4th Avenue. If you are not already with someone, it is an awesome place to try out some approaches.

And if you get the urge for some good BBQ, be sure to check out Kansas City Barbeque, located on West Market Street, not far from Seaport Village. This also happens to be the bar where Top Gun was filmed. Notwithstanding the touristy aspect of the place, (including the infamous jukebox and piano), the food happens to be REALLY good (and reasonably priced).

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2007 - Online Dating Edge
All Photos Copyright 2007 - Alexander Stone

Field Report: A Girl in the Supermarket

www.ApproachDynamics.com

It can happen anywhere...

This afternoon I ran down to the local supermarket to pick up a few things. As I was walking down the dairy aisle (why is it still called the dairy aisle when they have juices in the same refrigerated areas?), I noticed a beautiful girl. She was staring at the orange juices as if it was the first time she was shopping. After much deliberation, I saw her pick up the store brand orange juice (from concentrate). I quickly took action!

Me: "You know, for only a quarter more you can get the GOOD stuff (pointing to the Tropicana and Simply Orange)".
Her: "Oh... (she smiles and giggles)... I'm staying by my friend's house for the week and she asked me to pick up a few things. I'm trying to get the cheapest one."
Me: "Some friend YOU are" (with a smile).

I then asked where she was from and she gave me the rundown. Grad school classes are done and she's looking for teaching jobs, and she was taking a week to spend with her girlfriend that lives by the water.

I told her my ice cream was going to melt, but she should give me her number and maybe we could meet up. She smiled, said sure, and put it on my cellphone. The entire exchange took approximately 3 to 5 minutes.

Lessons learned:
1. When trying to initiate a conversation, if you can't think of something to say right away, take notice of something in the envirornment and comment on it.

These 'situational' openers are frequently the best type to use - they are original, relevant to something that is going on in the environment and they keep her guard down because it seems like normal conversation rather than a pick-up.

2. It is MUCH easier to approach a woman and start a conversation in a place like a supermarket than a bar or a club. Again, it just seems like normal conversation and she will be much more receptive to speaking to you. And by the time you ask for her number, she will be happy she met a normal guy and should have no problem giving it to you.

Give it a shot!

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2007 - Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics

Great Date Ideas - Bowling & Pool

www.ApproachDynamics.com

Following up on our previous article, 'Some Interesting Date Spots', here are some more ideas for fun places to take a date.

Bowling:

Bowling is always an excellent date spot. First off, you can immediately weed out the high maintenance women who dont want to mess up their nails. Secondly, it is fun, interactive and (unless you are at Bowlmor in New York City), relatively inexpensive. Finally, it's a GREAT opportunity for you to check out her 'form' (i.e. her ass!), while she bowls. You didn't get that from me...

I look at bowling dates from a '3 game' perspective (especially if it is an early date). The first game is more of a warm up. You are still getting used to the envirormnent, and each other. Make sure you have a decent pair of shoes and a ball that fits your hand so you don't look like a tool. Start off with some random chit-chat about how you haven't bowled in such a long time, tease her about messing up her chances with you if she misses some easy shots and hint to her that the next game is going to have a wager attached to it.

By the second game, you guys will hopefully be engaging in real conversation. Don't worry so much about bowling at this point - your focus should be on talking with her. Remember, the place is charging you by the GAME, not the hour. Use the excuse to bowl if there is a lull in the conversation or if you want to keep her in suspense about something. Your wager for this game should be something along the lines of a round of drinks or my favorite, a 'secret'.

The third game can be optional, but you should go for it if things are going well and you want to chat more. If you want, you can skip this game and take her somewhere for dessert. If you play, your wager should be for something after you guys leave (dessert, first round of drinks somewhere, etc.). But whatever it is, make sure it is for something THAT DAY. Do NOT make plans for another date while on a date, especially if you just started seeing her.

Pool/Billiards:

Another good idea is to go and shoot pool. A lot of what I said for bowling will apply here as well (but try to avoid checking out another aspect of her 'form' when she leans down to take a shot - she WILL catch you).

One advantage of pool is that, unlike bowling, you will probably play a lot more games. This gives you ample opportunity to place mini wagers as you go along (start with a drink, work your way up to a 'secret' and see where it goes from there). And you can show her how to hold the stick!

For those of you in New York City, a good place to go is Fat Cat Billiards in the West Village. It kinda resembles someone's basement, but they have plenty of pool tables (as well as foosball, ping-pong and even chess). They are also VERY reasonably priced (at least for NYC standards).

One final tip for bowling and pool. By no means am I saying throw the game and let her win (unless the wager is something you WANT to give her - a massage for instance?), but DO try and keep the games close. Things tend to get boring if you are kicking her ass each game.

Good luck!

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2007 - Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics

Being a Smartass: How to Respond When She Says, 'I Love You'

www.ApproachDynamics.com

I think I'll let Han Solo tell you...

And by the way, this response works for any type of complement a woman gives you (i.e. 'you're funny', 'you're cute', 'you ROCK').



Star Wars video courtesy of YouTube

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2007 - Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics