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Friday, May 25, 2007

Online Dating: Beware of Long Distance Relationships

Mr. Stone,

i just started talking to a girl from atlanta i met online. things are going really well and she keep telling me that she cant wait to meet me, etc. We get along really well and speak on the phone like every night for hours sometimes. Only problem is that i live in seattle. What should i do?

j.d. from seattle

********MY COMMENTS********

As I sit here writing this, a guy I work with is on a plane to Vegas to meet some girl from California he found online. Despite our pleading with him not to do it, he went anyway. I’ll tell ya - some guys just don’t WANT to be helped. DON'T be one of those guys.

So here’s the scoop on internet long-distance relationships:

Unless you are planning to move to that city (or vice versa), there is ABSOLUTELY no good that can come out of this type of arrangement, REGARDLESS of the outcome.

Let’s say, hypothetically, you meet this girl and things work out well. Now what? Are you going to hop a plane and go cross-country every two weeks? Is she going to do the same? The distance will undoubtedly put a strain on your ‘relationship’ and will prevent you from seeking opportunities with women in your area that you actually have a fighting chance with. Are there no good women left in the Pacific Northwest? Relationships are hard enough as it is. Why make it any more difficult?

As I have said before, NOTHING counts with someone you met online until you actually meet in person. What you basically have now is a 'phone buddy' - one that you could wind up being extremely disappointed with when you actually meet. This is an ENORMOUS risk of time, energy and money for a first meeting.

Now, I know. These situations can seem REAL tempting sometimes. Here's a girl that FINALLY gets me, blah blah blah. Then you add the mystery and adventure of a faraway city to the mix, and it is easy to see how someone can get drawn right in.

Case in point. Here is an email I received from a cute girl in Arizona:

I found your profile very interesting, and if I lived in New York I would sweep you off your feet! If your profile does not catch "the right womans eyes" then you need to come out West where ladies know how to treat a man.


XXX (a hopeless romantic nurse)

I especially liked the nurse part, but I also realized nothing would ever come of this. DON'T let yourself get caught up in this fantasy. Make a decision as to how far you would be willing to travel to meet someone, and then stick to it.

Good luck, mate!

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2007 - Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics

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