Online Dating Edge, featuring Alexander Stone and Stephen David, provides online dating advice and consulting (including dating profile critiques), workshops and seminars on dating and relationships as well as individual phone consultations on all dating topics.
'Battle of the Sexes' with Candace Bushnell, Sirius Stars Radio, Channel 102
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For more information about our services, including assistance with writing a captivating online dating profile, as well as workshps and seminars on how to approach women, click here.
For more information about our services, including online dating profile rewrites and critiques, live workshops on approaching women and starting conversations as well as private coaching sessions, click here.
Now available from Online Dating Edge...
THE PROCESS: HOW TO GO FROM A FIRST CONTACT WITH A WOMAN TO AN IN-PERSON FIRST MEETING
For more information about our services, including online dating profile critiques, live workshops on approaching women and starting conversations as well as private coaching sessions, click here.
Hi guys. I feel weird asking this, but would you ever order a salad on a first date? Not a salad with your meal, but a salad as your meal (dinner)? Sure it had some chicken, but it was a salad. I had a first date with a guy and he had a salad. I felt weird ordering the fish dish I was eyeballing, so I ordered a salad as well. I was starving after dinner. This has been bothering me since last week! He called yesterday and I haven't called back. Am I wrong to be turned off? -Confused in NY
Here are our thoughts... Why order salad? 1. He's being cheap; 2. He's health conscious; 2. He's gay (doubt it, but we think you were implying it); 3. He likes salad.
If you really liked him, you wouldn't care what he ordered. The fact that you are complaining about being hungry seems to tell me all I need to know about that encounter. You're not into the guy, move on.
For more information about our services, including online dating profile rewrites and critiques, live workshops on approaching women and starting conversations as well as private coaching sessions, click here.
"I'm tired of games!" "Why do guys always have to play games!" "Why do women always play games." "Do we really have to play games?" The above are all questions we have received. We think it's time to address them!
Here's our question to you- What exactly constitutes a "game"? Is playing "hard to get" a game? Is a girl chatting/flirting with another guy in front of her date a game? Is waiting a few days to call someone a game?
Some websites will say men/women play games because they are insecure. Other sites will say it's "men being men" (Whatever that means?). Others proclaim that they are not games, but tests. But then again... isn't life one big test?
It makes us uneasy when we see a woman’s dating profile which contains some version of ‘I’m tired of games.’ First off, why is anyone mentioning games in the first place? Nice girls with no agendas do not have such words in their vocabulary.
We always sense some deep-rooted issues with men whenever we see a woman mentioning games from the get-go. Someone who is ‘sick of games’ has been burned (and apparently is not over it yet) and is letting you know ahead of time they are out on the warpath. Heed their warning and stay away - for the games have just begun!
So let’s look at some scenarios and see what we come up with:
1. A woman that is obviously flirting (not just talking) with another guy in front of their date:
Some may interpret this as a ‘game’ to test whether your date has a jealousy streak. However, this particular situation is FAR more than that. Anyone who would do something like that on a date has absolutely no manners/class, and needs to be dropped immediately – as in, right then and there.
How to handle it – This is a lose/lose situation. The only way to properly ‘pass’ this test is to walk away. To put up with this sort of thing will cause the girl to lose even more respect for you (assuming she still has any left), and will subject you to even more bad behavior from then on. Like we said, it’s lose/lose. So keep your self-respect and cut your losses.
2. Waiting a couple of days to call someone:
Let's make something clear. If the woman is not interested in you, it doesn’t matter if you call her 10 minutes or 10 days after your date. She will not think you are playing games in either scenario - she just doesn't care. So the only time you will be accused of ‘playing games’ is when she actually likes you.
That being the case, let’s look at what some women do while waiting for a guy she likes to call her back.
Day 1 – Although she is thinking about how great a time she had with you the night before, part of her is also (subconsciously) hoping you are not too eager and call her too soon telling her how much you enjoyed your time out with her. You get points for being patient here.
Day 2 – “I wonder what he is up to right now. Does he like me? I certainly hope so. I should send him a quick text message and say hi. Wait, no. Then I will look too eager. I hope he calls.”
Day 3 – “Ok, he saw Swingers and is probably following the ‘3-day rule.’ Kind of cheesy, but I DO like him and hope I hear from him soon. You know, I have been thinking about him quite a bit lately. I REALLY hope he likes me.”
Day 4 – “Uh oh. Does he like me? Was it my shirt? My hair? Did I smell? Am I too fat? I should call him. Or email him. But then he might write back and reject me, and I’m not sure I can handle that. Maybe he is busy. Or with another woman? No, he is just busy. I’m sure he’ll call.”
She has also spoken to just about ever one of her girlfriends by this point, who have told her that ‘he’s just not that into you’ and she should move on. But the whole time she is talking and thinking about you, her interest level in you is skyrocketing.
Day 5 – She absolutely climbing the walls at this point and starts telling herself that she is moving on unless she hears from you by the end of the day. Put her out of misery and call her already!
How to handle this – No matter when you call, the way you handle it is going to determine whether she will be happy to hear from you or if you are going to be seen as a game-playing jerk. You NEED to make sure that whenever you call, you give the impression (whether true or not) that you have been busy living your life and this was your first chance to call her.
If you give off the vibe that you waited three days to call solely for the purpose of waiting three days to call, then you will be branded a jackass. And rightfully so. Bottom line - call when you'd like and go with your gut! And if she happens to contact you in the interim, bingo! Call her back within 24 hours.
But is this a game?
If done for the right reasons (you really like her and are trying to pace yourselves for the benefit of a potential long-term relationship), feel free to call it a ‘game’ or anything else you want. It is ok, and actually a prudent thing to do.
But if you are doing it solely to mess with her head and have no real interest in the girl, then it is surely a ‘game,’ and you are a dick for playing it.
What do you think? Any games you'd like discussed?
Alexander Stone & Stephen David Copyright 2009 - All rights reserved Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics
For more information about our services, including online dating profile rewrites and critiques, live workshops on approaching women and starting conversations as well as private coaching sessions, click here.
On a snowy day in the North East, with the Dow now below 6900, I thought a nice heart warming post was due! Here's the link to a video from ABC News about two individuals "Finding Online Love at 80."
She's 85, he's 87 - think she's an aging cougar that couldn't find an available 80 year old? Or maybe a gold digger going after his pension? They met online 4 months ago and are now married. I guess when you pass the statistical limits of survivorship you move quickly (at least with relationships). By the way, she listed one of her turn ons as skinny dipping? As Sideshow Bob once said, "Eeeeughheeuuew."
All kidding aside, it's nice to know two people found happiness. Now I have to find a way to geth the image of an 85 year old skinny dipping out of my head.
Alexander Stone & Stephen David Copyright 2008 - All rights reserved Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics
For more information about our services, including online dating profile rewrites and critiques, live workshops on approaching women and starting conversations as well as private coaching sessions, click here.
It's the front page of the paper every day. New York Times, LA Times, Washington Post, and that paper you get free in hotels, USA Today, all lament what most of us realized long ago- the economy sucks. As I write this the Dow has broken below 7,000! Most of us know someone that's been given the ax. Maybe you've gotten the pink slip? For many people this is a very difficult time and we empathise with you! But does this mean the world is over? Absolutely not! Far too often people wallow in misery and don't take this crisis as an opportunity to evolve.
As this is a dating site let's focus on that area. If you're available and looking for someone special, don't sit back and let precious time pass you by just because the economy sucks. If you lost your job it doesn't mean you lost your life. Take a look around, read the papers, check out the finance section of yahoo... you're NOT alone. Think of if as some extra time to find that special someone. Get out there and have some fun! If you are nervous about spending money on a dating site, try a free one, or take advantage of a free trial.
Happy Dating!
Alexander Stone & Stephen David Copyright 2008 - All rights reserved Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics
For more information about our services, including online dating profile rewrites and critiques, live workshops on approaching women and starting conversations as well as private coaching sessions, click here.
A little humor at the end of a LONG week!
Here are 5 more 'fake jobs' you can try on women that ask that ever-so-inappropriate 'What do you do?' question:
1. Professional gefilte fisherman;
2. World's tallest midget;
3. Elbow model;
4. Used idol salesman;
and if she is REALLY pushy...
5. I fill creme donuts.
Enjoy!
Alexander Stone & Stephen David Copyright 2008 - All rights reserved Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics
For more information about our services, including online dating profile rewrites and critiques, live workshops on approaching women and starting conversations as well as private coaching sessions, click here.
Here are four questions you should never ask a guy according to Cosmopolitan.com: 1. Questions comparing yourself to the ex. 2. Do you love me? 3. Can I borrow money? 4. Are you cheating on me?
All these questions should be seen as taboo, unless you are in a committed relationship, but there are others that should never be asked.
Take for instance the ubiquitous "Does this (insert article of clothing here) make me look fat?" Talk about a loaded question. If we say "yes," then we are open for attack. Let's be honest, if you are asking that question, you are fat (think treadmill), or you have low self esteem (stop being a door mat- no one wants a long term relationship with a door mat).
Another question, that would boarder on insensitive: "Was your hairline always so far back?"
Here's another line to shy away from, "Is it in?" No need to explain that one.
If you needed this advice, you need more help than you thought! Happy Dating!
Alexander Stone & Stephen David Copyright 2008 - All rights reserved Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics
For more information about our services, including online dating profile rewrites and critiques, live workshops on approaching women and starting conversations as well as private coaching sessions, click here.
Alexander and Stephen,
I have been talking with this girl I met online for a little while, and we are just about at that point where it is time to meet. She is definitely a nice girl, and she seems to have a great personality (and I can tell she is definitely into me!). However, I am a bit concerned about how she is going to look. Her dating profile has three pictures, but they only show her face (there is one which would be a full body shot, but she is standing behind three of her friends). Also, she described her body type as ‘Average/Medium Build.’ Without sounding insensitive, I don’t want to waste my time meeting her if she is overweight. Do I have a valid reason to be concerned? Thanks guys, and keep up the great work!
Stan
********OUR COMMENTS********
Yes.
Your little vixen is probably not so little after all. In fact, my guess is that you would not have taken the time to write us if you didn’t already know this. But read on, grasshopper…
At the outset, I should point out that I have nothing against women that may find themselves, let's just say, 'a bit out of shape.' My issue here is with those that choose to conceal that fact (i.e. by including only head shots, standing in front of a tractor, etc.), and do so to the point where their well-meaning date arrives at their First Meeting only to discover that they have been misled as to the other person's physical appearance. And yes, guys are just as guilty of this as women - and deserve the same level of admonishment.
Anyone who has ever tried online dating has been burned by this at some point. The biggest complaint I usually get from women is that guys don’t look like their pictures (i.e. their profile pictures were taken several years earlier or when they were 30 pounds lighter or when they had a full head of hair). If you are a guy and you have any of these kind of photos in your profile, shame on you! Remove them IMMEDIATELY.
But the biggest complaint I get from guys, Stan, is about the girl that only has face-shots in her profile, and then shows up for a First Meeting needing a second chair (for herself). Hey Beavis, I said face-shots… hehehehhe.
If any of you guys have ever wondered WHY a woman would only include head shots in her profile, I have your answer. Check out the 1990 Wilson Phillips video, ‘Impulsive.’ My favorite thing about this video is how BLATANT the directors were in trying to conceal the ‘festive plumpness’ of Ms. Carnie Wilson.
Just remember the images from this video the next time you are on Match.com or JDate and see some girl standing behind a grand piano, nine of her closest friends or a medium-sized sports arena – do that, and you’ll never have to worry about running into this type of problem again.
Women are FAR more in tune to issues regarding physical appearance than most men. So rest assured, if she is concealing most of her body in a photo she is featuring on an online dating site, there is probably a good reason for it. If you ever find yourself wondering about someone based upon her lack of a full-body picture, it is a safe bet that you may be on to something.
But if you really MUST get an answer before deciding whether to meet her, you can always shoot her an email along the lines of, “the last time I agreed to meet someone online that only had pictures of her head, she turned out to just be a talking head! [which probably explains why she wasn’t down for my offer to go ice skating] Can you please send me some full-body shots so I can verify that you have all your extremities before we meet?” But again, I would only do this as an absolute LAST resort.
One final way to confirm your suspicions is to check the ‘body type’ description on her profile. Here is some girl code for what her answers actually mean:
Voluptuous = Overweight
Proportional = NOT proportional = Overweight
Cuddly = Overweight
Average/Medium Build = Overweight, UNLESS her pictures clearly suggest otherwise. In which case she actually SCORES points for being modest.
Lean/Slender, Athletic/Fit, Petite = You should be ok here. In fact, any woman that selects one of these options without any legitimate basis for doing so is a FRAUD. Feel free to immediately cut off a meeting if you encounter this type of situation – this is a sign of much bigger (no pun intended) problems down the road.
Best of luck!
Alexander Stone & Stephen David Copyright 2009 - All rights reserved Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics
