The First Phone Call: Do I Leave a Message?

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I met some girl online and got her number after a few emails. I tried calling her 2 days later and left her a voicemail. It’s been five days and I havent heard back from her. What is the best way for me to handle this? Also, was it a mistake to leave a message on her machine?

Roger
Chicago, IL

********MY COMMENTS********

Ah, the age old question - do I leave a message the first time I call her?

There is a school of thought out there that says not to leave a message. This way you still have the ‘power’ and can try her again another time. I suppose that prior to caller ID (and answering machines for that matter), a guy with enough free time on his hands could just keep calling until he got her. Sounds charming, eh? Leave a message. If you have done everything right up until this point, she should have no problem calling you back.

Also, don’t be too cute when you leave a message. Just leave your name, number and say a quick hello. DO NOT say you are ‘Tim from Match.com’. If she doesn’t know who you are, you have bigger problems than ‘should I leave a message.’ If you want, you can say you are ‘on your way out to meet some friends,’ but don’t go too much further than that.

As for your situation, there could be a million reasons why she hasnt called you back (90% of which have NOTHING to do with you) - so don’t worry about the ‘why.’ Its been five days. You can call her again (just don’t leave a message this time!).

Or you can go the smartass route (always my favorite option). Drop her a quick email saying something along the lines of, "Hey, I thought you weren’t supposed to start playing hard to get until AFTER we met. Nice!" If she has any interest in meeting you, she’ll either call you back or write you and apologize for being flaky (which of course you can bust on her for!).

Remember, online dating is a 'numbers game', and you should be in contact with several women at a time so that you don’t find yourself getting too caught up about one in particular.

Alexander Stone and Stephen David
Copyright 2007 - Approach Dynamics / Online Dating Edge