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Thursday, May 31, 2007

How to Spot a Gold Digger: Part III of IV - The First Date and Beyond

This is the third part of a four-part series. Click here for:
How to Spot a Gold Digger: Part I of IV- Introduction
How to Spot a Gold Digger: Part II of IV - The Initial Meeting
Sometimes you are not going to be able to determine whether you have a gold digger on your hands right away. Here’s a sampling of what to look out for. And by the way, the more you find yourself answering yes to these questions, the bigger a problem you have on your hands.

Planning the First Date:

Once you have set up a first date with her (a ‘first meeting’ for drinks if you met her online), did she seem excited to be seeing you or did she appear to be offended that you chose a cafĂ© or a pool hall rather than a five-star eatery?

Also, after you set up the date/meeting, did she try and change venue on you to someplace ‘nicer’? If she does, REFUSE and stick to your original plan. See how she reacts. If she ends up flaking on you, congrats! You got off easy! And of course, DO NOT make any more plans with her.

But if it looks like she has a legitimate reason for changing venue (i.e. closer to where she lives), agree to move it to her neighborhood but choose a different place than she suggested. Again, see how she reacts. If it looks like it’s a problem, cancel and throw her number away. Then take some of that money you just saved and let us redo your profile or show you how to approach women!

The First Date:

On the first date/meeting, is she on time? If not, does she apologize and/or offer to buy you a drink? And by the way, NEVER wait more than 20 minutes for anyone.

When the waitress comes, does she order the most expensive drink on the menu? Does she try to hit you up for food, even though you made it clear that you were meeting for drinks? Does she mention money at all? [And by the way, "I don’t care about how much money a guy makes" is girl code for, "if I really didn’t care about money, I wouldn’t have mentioned it in the first place"]. And most importantly, does she make an offer to pay when the check comes (which you will refuse, of course), and did she say "thank you" for treating her?

The First 60 Days of the Relationship:

The first 60-90 days is the real probationary period for any new relationship, as this is the time where you guys are still getting to know each other and most of the ‘rules’ for the relationship are being formed. So here are some things to look out for during this time. Is she constantly expecting you to take her out all the time, or is she just as cool hanging out at home? Does she ever offer to take YOU out anywhere? Does she pay for anything? Does she OFFER to pay for anything? Is she constantly trying to find out how much money you make? Is she obsessed with your job/social status?

Here is the bottom line - would she still be dating you if you were suddenly flat broke, or if you woke up tomorrow and decided you didn’t want to be a lawyer/investment banker/actuary/etc. anymore?

So now that you know how to identify a gold digger, what pre-emptive steps can you take to avoid encountering one of these women in the first place? Well, you’re in luck. Stay tuned for Part IV of our series, How to Spot a Gold Digger - Avoidance.

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2007 - Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics


Anonymous said...

Got any advice on stop my Dad from marrying a major gold digging manipulator of an old rich guy???


-Alexander Stone and Stephen David said...

I think this would be as good a time as ever to remind everyone of our terms and conditions... the topics and subject matter contained on this website are simply a set of OPINIONS (and NOT advice), and that all material and information on this site is provided for entertainment purposes only on the subject of dating, as well as products and services related to dating. All content, products, and services are NOT to be considered as legal or professional advice and are to be used for personal entertainment purposes only.

Anonymous said...

Now that we got that out of the way, I would like to remind you that this is a dating blog and not an attorney website. It sounds to me like your question is more of a legal one, which is WELL beyond the scope of what we do here. So as much as I would like to take a stab at answering your question, I wont. You wouldn't like my answer anyway. I suggest that you contact a matrimonial attorney in your area and explain your situation to them. In the meantime, is there any way you guys can convince your dad to have her sign a prenupt? Or even better, can you dig up some dirt on her that you can use to convince your dad that she is a bizatch? I don't know what kind of resources you have, but have you considered hiring an investigator to see what else she is up to? Either way, be DISCREET about it - you don't want to strain your relationship with your dad (i.e. bye bye inheritance). Plus, if this woman is as you say she is, she will only be that much more vindictive towards you and your family. Tread carefully, my friend. Best of luck!

Anonymous said...

Alexandcer took that one... my 2 cents...sit w/ dad and watch Tommy Boy! Hope it all works out... remember ultimately it's your Dad's happiness and life.respectfully mention prenup if it happens to get to that!

Dr Thandi aka Lady Tee aka Myeoncé said...

I am saddened by your post. You seem to be feeding into the paranoia that most women are just after your money.
I am well educated, independent and have always taken care of myself and I will always be able to. I have and will never depend on a man financially.

However, I do expect certain things from a man who is trying to court me.
I have a lot of guy friends who are players and I know how they operate. For instance they will only take a girl out for drinks because it allows them to date as many girls as they can.

So when I meet a guy who asks me out to coffee/ drinks I seriously question how serious or sincere he is.

And as for going dutch. That is just not an option on a first date. I won't even pretend with "the reach." I didn't ask you out to dinner. You asked me.

Does that mean I will never pay or spend money on a guy? No it doesn't. However, the guy will have to prove that he is worthy. Not necessarily with his money but with his actions, words and deeds.

Just because a girl is not thrilled with coffee as a first date or does not offer to pay for the date does not make her a gold digger.