Can Men and Women Be Friends?

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A recent commenter posted there thought that guys and girls can't be friends. Talk about timing. A recent "O, the Oprah Magazine" article by Dr. Michael Vincent Miller was posted on CNN.com. No, we don't read the Oprah Magazine!

The reality is that it is very diffuclt for a heterosexual man and woman to be platonic friends - there is usually something lurking in the background.

Generally, it falls into one of these categories:

1. They had a relationship in the past;
2. He likes her and she "doesn't know";
3. She likes him and he "doesn't know";
4. They both like each other and something will happen in the future;
5. One was dating the others friend and one person has feelings for the other.

There are probably other senarios that we've neglected, but you get the idea. There are some occasions were a guy and girl are friends and that's it, but it's rare. Very rare.

So, we leave the question to you, our readers, CAN MEN AND WOMEN TRULY BE FRIENDS? Or, is there always a romantic past or hookup (or hopes of a hookup) lingering in the future?






Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2008 - All rights reserved
Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics

Online Dating: Dr. Keith Ablow

Got a dating question? Email us at Dating@ApproachDynamics.com

I’m currently working with a few clients down in Florida (Ormond Beach, Daytona Beach, and Miami) and thought I finally had a few moments to relax. No such luck! I sat down after hitting the beach and flicked on the television and found a program on internet dating. There goes relaxation! I grabbed a pen and started taking notes...

The show was called ‘Dr. Keith Ablow’. Apparently the host is a doctor of some sort, although I’m not quite sure of what. I’ve never heard of the guy before, but then again, I don’t get to watch much daytime television. It’s a talk show much like Dr. Phil, except this Ablow guy isn’t Oprah’s bitch, and there were no alien sightings or guys deathly afraid of PEACHES, a la Maury Povich. Check out THIS nutjob...



The Dr. Keith episode was entitled, “Can You Find Love Online, or NOT?” Here’s a brief rundown:

1. A girl and guy (approx 30 to 35 years old) were interviewed about their lack of success with online dating. Apparently the girl found the guy online and based upon his profile she set up a date with him (really a first meeting) and had a camera follow them on the date. She strolled into a café with her dog and acted like a total biatch herself! (WOW! Two mistakes right off the bat!) On her behalf, the guy also lied about his height (3 inches I think) and his photo was at least a year or two old. These two could have REALLY used our help.

2. Another gentleman was carted onto the stage where his lack of success was also discussed. Well, I suppose lack of success is how you define it. He has dated over 700 women in the New York City area (poor bastard, I KNOW), but unfortunately has not found love. Then again, he never outwardly said that he was in fact looking for love. He seemed quite proud of his accomplishments, and was chided by the audience about having a spreadsheet entry for each woman he has dated.

The use of a spreadsheet is in actuality a FANTASTIC idea. This helps keep one organized and allows for easy access and editing. This is an especially useful tool for those of you that are serial daters, are looking for multiple long term relationships (MLTRs), or wish to maintain backup booty calls. Note: we DO NOT encourage lying or being a jerk- but if that’s your thing, a spreadsheet is a must! Stay tuned for a future article on how (and why) you should date multiple people.

3. Next up were an older man and younger woman, who met on sugardaddyforme.com. They are currently married and she discussed how the relationship started off as a typical sugardaddy/sugarbaby relationship but evolved into love. Now, I have a hard time swallowing that, but who am I to judge? If being a sugardaddy is your thing go for it, if not read our articles on “How to Spot a Gold Digger.” According to the woman, what attracted her to his profile was his screen name (GRUMPYOLDMAN). The lesson learned here is to be creative or seek help.

4. Another happily married couple who met online was then brought onto the stage (NOTE: The wife had previously dated the guy with the spreadsheet! Small world…) One interesting comment was made by the husband. He said he had been using online dating for only a couple of months when he met his soon to be wife, but the hardest thing for him was going home after a date to emails from five new women. Remember, KNOW what you are looking for, don’t settle, and when you find it, don’t keep looking for the bigger better deal.

5. Finally, a couple of ‘experts’ were brought on and they stressed the importance of date coaching. One of whom was Virginia Vitzthum, author of 'I Love You, Let’s Meet' (NOTE - It sounded good on the show, but I haven’t read it).

Think of this way. If you have never been to a gym before, or you have been going but are not getting the results you want, you seek out the help of a personal trainer or coach to assist you. Online dating is no different - and that’s where we come in.

We are available for all you dating needs: profile critique, profile writing, photo selection, screen names, and long term coaching to answer any and all you dating related questions check out or services page or email us at Dating@ApproachDynamics.com.

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2007 - OnlineDating Edge / Approach Dynamics

How to Spot a Gold Digger: Part II of IV - The Initial Meeting

www.ApproachDynamics.com

This is the second part of a four-part series.
Click here for ‘How to Spot a Gold Digger: Part I of IV- Introduction'
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You would think that gold diggers would have some sort of expertise in covering their tracks, but surprisingly, many of these women OVERTLY flash their true intentions - all you have to do is listen! In most cases, you can weed these women out right from the get-go and move on to friendlier waters. Here's what to look out for when you first encounter one of these women:

Online:

In the online dating world, Match.com and Chemistry.com make it REAL easy. Check and see if she has money or power listed as one of her 'turn-ons' and if she has any 'salary requirements' for her date. If either one of these pop up, RUN for the nearest exit.

On Jdate, look at her personality traits and see if ‘high-maintenance’ is checked off. You would be surprised how many women have this listed (well, then again...). Also, check her written paragraph about her ‘ideal first date.’ If she is talking about nice restaurants and fine wine rather than getting to know you better, you’ve got yourself a problem child. Finally, look at her blurb on what she learned from her past relationships. A lot of times they’ll give up some REAL good info in there (this is also a good section on Jdate for weeding out psychos!).

Now for ‘research purposes only', I contacted some women on Match and Jdate who met the above criteria to try and find out what gives. Here is a sampling of what they wrote back:

"No, I am not rich and the father of my children does not sit at home either it is as simple as that."

"You seem rather hostile... what is with that opening email? Intersting game plan...."

Don't even bother trying to bust on these women - they can't take a joke. Just move on.

In Person:

Now with real-life interactions, you have to pay a little closer attention. When you first met her, how long did it take for the ‘what do you do?’ question to come out of her mouth? And how did she react when you told her that you were the sour cream manager at Wendys or a miniature golf caddy? Did she laugh and change the subject, or did she seem annoyed and ask you again?

Also, was she asking you questions in an attempt to genuinely get to know you better, or was she trying to qualify you with inappropriate questions from the moment you began talking to her (i.e. ‘what do you do’, ‘how much money do you make’, ‘what kind of car do you drive’, ‘what do your parents do’, ‘do you own or rent’)?

Case in point. There was a girl I was corresponding with on match.com that kept asking me what I did for a living. Each time she would ask, my responses got more and more outrageous. I should also note here that her emails otherwise seemed witty and playful. However, when I asked for her number, here was her response:

"My cell number is 917-XXX-XXXX. But I still don't know what you do. I can tolerate most jobs but if yours is rather scatalogical or bodily function involved-ok a man with a bedpan in certain situations could be attractive-our future tryst might not work."

One thing you are going to have to do is have a pre-planned, smartass answer for any inappropriate questions IN ADVANCE. Sometimes women will ask an inappropriate question innocently, so being a wiseass here is a good test to see what her true intentions are. Stay tuned for Part IV of this series where I'll give you some examples of how to respond to these questions.

Now if she is REALLY being a pain in the ass, I’ll tell her that I am looking for a sugar momma to take care of me so that I can be a house husband. And after I get bored of watching Oprah and the Price is Right, I am going to divorce her and take half her money. Then I get a good laugh at her reaction and WALK AWAY.

Coming tomorrow, 'How to Spot a Gold Digger: Part III - The First Date and Beyond'

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2007 - Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics