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Regardless of the type of person you are seeking in the dating world, I think we can all agree that no one wants to be taken advantage of. We would all like to believe that our significant other is with us because they genuinely care about us, and NOT because of some ulterior motive. And with the increasing popularity of online dating as well as an increase in ‘street approaches’, a lot of connections are being made between complete strangers that have no way of checking each other’s ‘social references’. After all, Google only goes so far.
As such, the onus has fallen upon ourselves to screen for the wrong types of people, so we don’t end up wasting our time, money and (most importantly) our emotional energy with someone that is not right for us. As the old saying goes, ‘it’s a jungle out there’, and we need to know how to spot the red flags before it is too late.
It is our mission at Approach Dynamics to not only help you present yourself in your best light, but also to provide you with the tools and wisdom that will enable you to find the RIGHT person for you. Unfortunately, not everyone in the dating pool has honorable intentions, and perhaps the most notorious offender is the gold digger.
Also called the ‘status conscious woman,’ the gold digger is seeking money. YOUR money. And she is going to do everything in her power to get it. These women walk around with the attitude that they are somehow entitled to a piece of everything you own. Depending on their agendas, the gold digger is usually seeking either a sugar daddy to take care of her or a man who can provide her with quick and easy access to wealth and power. In exchange, whatever ‘affection’ you receive from her will come from a mindset of 'financial obligation' rather than genuineness. But if your bank account dries up or you get passed over for partner at your law firm, she will drop you in a heartbeat and move on to the next turkey.
And yet, for some reason, these women are celebrated by society and the popular media. One need only look at Anna Nicole Smith, Heather Mills and Eva Longoria’s character on Desperate Housewives for examples. And while men can be gold diggers as well (Kevin Federline and Tom Arnold come to mind), it is much more common for a man to fall prey to a female gold digger than vice-versa.
Now I hate to say it, but a lot of guys bring these situations upon themselves. If you are bragging about your job as a bond trader and your brand new Mercedes, this is the kind of woman you are going to attract. But if these are the types of women you are looking for (and you have a bank account large enough to sustain one of them), then more power to you!
However, if you think you can buy a woman's attention with lavish dinners and free vacations, you are GROSSLY mistaken. And after you get your obligatory peck on the cheek or brief makeout for dropping a small fortune on her, she exits your car and pays a visit to 'that guy Mike' she was complaining to you about at dinner. Mike, by the way, never buys her ANYTHING...
There is also another group of women (often from wealthy backgrounds and/or successful in their own right) that will only date a doctor, lawyer, etc., but I would not necessarily categorize as ‘gold diggers’. Rather, these women tend to be ‘program women’ (a.k.a. the ‘drill sergeant’ or the ‘control freak’) that are trying to play out that fairy tale they have had in their minds about how their perfect lives are going to turn out. These women tend to be the daughters of gold digger moms, and they will nag and browbeat you to death if you do ANYTHING that could possibly embarrass them in front of others (i.e. change your profession or wear last season’s clothes in public). These shallow, insecure women are to be avoided as well, and many of the traits I will be describing in Parts II and III of this series will also apply to them.
Now let’s be clear. If you are 30, still live at home and you work for your father selling porno DVDs out of your basement, you are going to have a hard time meeting decent women. And frankly, I’d be a bit weary of any self-respecting woman that would actually go for you. Ambition is a positive male trait, and is something that ALL women look for in a man. I wouldn't take it personally if she is testing you to see if you have your act together - this is ok, and in fact, should be expected. Just make sure she is doing it for the right reasons.
There is also nothing wrong with a woman dating a man that earns a good living - provided, of course, that this is not the sole reason she is with him. I think the big test is when someone asks her about you, does she talk about you as a PERSON, or does she mention that necklace you bought her or that you are taking her to Café des Artistes this weekend.
Furthermore, if you are in a committed, serious relationship with a woman that has shown you that she is genuinely into you, you SHOULD be taking her out and treating her well. What we are talking about here are those women that feel as if they are somehow automatically ‘entitled’ to fancy gifts and expensive dinners from someone they either barely know or have no actual interest in. I think the law has a term for women who trade physical and/or emotional companionship in exchange for money or other considerations, but I can’t seem to think of it right now...
Coming tomorrow: How to Spot a Gold Digger: Part II - The Initial Meeting
Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2007 - Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics
