Internet Dating: Anatomy of a Generic Profile

www.ApproachDynamics.com

One of the big realities with internet dating is that if you have a generic profile, you are going to get a generic date (if you’re lucky). Not only does the inclusion of any cliches or other meaningless phrases in your online dating profile make you look unoriginal and boring, but you also lose credibility because it appears that you are using someone else’s material (which you are!).

But have you ever stopped and wondered what is actually BEHIND some of those canned lines that appear in so many dating profiles? Let’s take a look at what some of these phrases REALLY mean...

"I cant believe I am doing this" or "I have finally resorted to online dating" - Always nice to open with a negative, eh? Basically, they are saying that online dating is beneath them, and they can’t believe they have stooped so low that they are on this site. And let’s remember, this is going to be read by other people that have ‘resorted to online dating’. REAL smooth.

"After taking a break, I have decided to give online dating another shot" - I just got out of a relationship, and I am either on the rebound or looking for some ‘no strings attached physical fun’. Proceed at your own risk.

"No game players" - The games have JUST begun...

"I am just as comfortable in jeans and a t-shirt as I am in heels and a cocktail dress" - C’mon, are guys really clueless enough to believe that? I tried heels once - NOT very comfortable.

"I'ts really hard to write about yourself in 1000 characters or less" - I have the personality of a mop.

"I love to laugh" - Oh, so YOU'RE the one. For a moment there, I thought you loved to frown. Thanks for clearing that up for me. Hey, I love to laugh too! We must be soulmates...

"My friends are important to me" - Well, I suppose that’s why they are your friends, Skippy.

"My friends say I am smart, funny, etc..." But what do they say BEHIND your back? And while we’re at it, how do I know that your friends aren’t all a bunch of tools?

"I am tired of the bar scene" - You’ve got a party girl/guy on your hands here. If you are looking for a relationship, you might wanna consider looking elsewhere. These chaps are usually not the best relationship material.

"I don’t care how much money a guy makes" - If she really didnt care about money, why did she bring it up in the first place? Hmm...

"I look much better in person" - Yeah. Maybe with a lower wattage light bulb (thanks Will!).

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2007 - Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics

Approaching Women: A Fear of Success

www.ApproachDynamics.com

You guys are in for a real treat today.

I have included a link to one of the best articles I have ever come across when it comes to overcoming your fear of approaching women. Carlos Xuma, author of the Dating Black Book (as well as countless other programs), has brilliantly touched on an issue that many guys have with women - a fear of SUCCESS.

What do we mean by fear of success? Well, there are many people walking around with severe approach anxiety towards walking up to a women and starting a conversation. What are they so anxious about? Fear of rejection for one. What if she shoots me down? How will I live with myself?

But I think there are just as many guys with the opposite problem - a fear of success. These are the guys that could care less if a woman rejects them. In fact, if they come across a real weirdo that goes psycho on them (like our bullfighter chick), they actually find it quite amusing.

Guys with fear of success are worried about, you guessed it, SUCCEEDING with a woman. For them, getting shot down is the EASY way out, because if the woman is interested, they now have to actually DO something. This becomes a 'what now?' situation, and can be just as crippling as being afraid of a woman turning you down.

And then we have those guys with both a fear of rejection AND a fear of success. This is one of the worst situations a guy could find himself in, because you are essentially in a 'damned if you do, damned if you don't' scenario. Not only are these guys worried about looking foolish in front of a woman, but in the event she DOES likes him, they get all fearful about what to do next.

Carlos does an excellent job addressing these situations and give some great tips on how to work towards overcoming them. You can find the article here.

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2007 - Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics

Why Do Women Give Bad Dating Advice?

www.ApproachDynamics.com

Have you ever noticed that one of the WORST places to go for advice on women is OTHER WOMEN? And forget about the ones that are vindictive, I am talking about the good-natured ones.

I first discovered this back in my clueless days. I had been out with a girl I really liked a few times, and I didn't know where I stood with her (of course, this would NEVER happen today - click here to find out why). I must have went to every female friend I had at the time for advice, and got a whole assortment of wonderful information.

"You probably aren't complimenting her enough. Women LOVE that."

"Next time you see her, bring her flowers."

Or my personal favorite, "she is probably confused as to where you stand. You should tell her how you feel about her. Be honest with her."

So I did what I was told - and to say I was shot down is an UNDERSTATEMENT. And the worst part? I went back to my female friends for MORE advice on why I was rejected. I was told that although this wasn't the right girl for me (no shit!), I should keep complimenting women and telling them how I felt about them. When the RIGHT one comes along, she will appreciate it.

Now this would appear to make perfect logical sense, right? And my friends DID truly want the best for me. But unfortunately, dating does not subscribe to the logic business, and it took me a bit of time to realize that this approach was the wrong way to go. Don't make my mistake.

We also have the UNSOLICITED advice from women. I once had a girl (who I happened to like) send me a message on Friendster. I didn't even know she sent the message, because I wasn't using my account back then.

A few days later, our mutual friend who had introduced us (her former college roommate) calls me up and tells me to "be nice and write her back. She has been climbing the walls trying to figure out why you haven't responded to her message." As if this is somehow a bad thing!

While your female friends may have the best of intentions when giving you advice on other women, the fact of the matter is that many women just don't KNOW what they want (they only know what they THINK they want). They tell you they are looking for a nice guy, but then end up dating a jerk. They say they like flowers and compliments from guys they just met, but they lose attraction for you if you give it to them. Heh? What? Exactly.

Despite what women may tell you, they are looking for a guy that is confident, has self-control, a sense of humor and is mysterious (i.e. a CHALLENGE). Stay tuned for articles on each of these in the near future.

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2007 - Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics

Self Control: How NOT to React

www.ApproachDynamics.com

Phillip Wellman, the manager of the Atlanta Braves' minor league team in Mississippi, shows us what can happen when you lose self-control.



Keep this in mind the next time a woman throws one too many stupid questions at you, turns you down for a date or creates some other seemingly bad situation. Play it cool, SMILE and walk away. You can always act like a jackass in the privacy of your own home.

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2007 - Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics

Approaching Women: The Power of a Light Touch on the Arm

www.ApproachDynamics.com

Here is an interesting article about a scientific study performed in France where a guy approached a number of women in a club and asked them to dance, while others in the study approached women on the street and asked for their phone numbers.

The purpose of the study was to see if lightly touching a woman on the arm while asking them to dance or for their phone number would have any effect on the success rate. According to the study, it DOES - the theory being that when men make this light touch on the women's arms, they are perceived as more dominant which is an attractive trait associated with status.

Check it out here.

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2007 - Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics

Video: 'Can I Get Your Number?' The Misnomer of Getting Her Phone Number

http://www.approachdynamics.com/

EDITOR'S NOTE - This article is a follow-up on our previous posts, Video: Can I Have Your Number? and Getting Her Phone Number.
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Before we begin, here is another clip from MADtv of our friend Darrell trying to score some tail at a fast food joint. Love the sweater!


Now let's remember, a 'phone number' in its simplest form, is merely a series of 7-10 digits. In and of themselves, they have NO significance whatsoever. A lot of guys go out with the end goal of 'getting her number' or trying to get as many phone numbers as they can. If you are looking to actually meet women, you NEED to shift your focus.

If you are talking to a women you just met, there is going to come a point where one of you is going to have to leave (ALWAYS better when YOU end the interaction first - and try and do it on a high note so she will look forward to speaking with you again!). In this situation, the purpose of 'getting her phone number' is so the two of you can continue talking at another time.

For a guy to walk right up to a woman and ask for her number within a few moments of talking to her is pointless. You have developed no rapport, and you come off as some creepy dude with questionable intentions.

Now every once in a while, a guy will try this approach and actually get a phone number. But this is fool's mate. This girl either gave you a fake phone number to get rid of you, or she is giving her number out to half the city. Plus, if you try calling her, she is not going to remember you from a hole in the wall. The number ain't worth the paper it's written on.

When you are out meeting people, make sure your focus is to actually engage a woman in conversation rather than 'scoring some digits'. Once you have done that, exit gracefully with something like, "Hey, I need to get back to my friends, but it was great meeting you." Then pause for a few seconds and say, "What's your number?" Its as simple as that. Just make sure you have a pen on you!

Alexander Stone & Stephen David

Copyright 2007 - Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics

How to Spot a Gold Digger: Part IV of IV - How to Avoid Them

http://www.approachdynamics.com/

This is the fourth part of a four-part series.
Click here for:
How to Spot a Gold Digger: Part I of IV- Introduction
How to Spot a Gold Digger: Part II of IV - The Initial Meeting
How to Spot a Gold Digger: Part III of IV - The First Date and Beyond
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It is inevitable that any man with an active social life is going to encounter a gold digger from time to time. However, there are a number of things you can do to reduce your odds of ending up with a selfish, superficial woman, while simultaneously INCREASING your chances of meeting the RIGHT woman. Here’s how to do it:

1. REMOVE YOUR OCCUPATION FROM YOUR ONLINE PROFILE. This was one of my biggest breakthroughs with online dating. My responses decreased, but the quality of the ones I did get SKYROCKETED. You also get points from women for not being pretentious and for having a sense of humor. If you are humorless, you can merely put down ‘gainfully employed.’ But if you want to have some fun, use one of our previous examples or be creative and come up with one of your own.

2. Also with online dating, look for the buzz words discussed in Part II and avoid those women. If one of them happens to contact you, do not respond (or call her out on it and let us know what happens!). There are PLENTY of attractive, emotionally-healthy women out there - no need wasting time on the fake ones.

3. Choose something fun, interactive and inexpensive for a first date/meeting (pool, bowling, café or pub). Gold diggers and status-conscious women HATE these types of inexpensive activities, and it will show you a LOT about who she really is as a person.

4. Go for the kiss at the end of the first date (second time out if you met her online). Read our previous article if you want a more in-depth explanation why. This will tell you what her interest in you is REAL fast.

5. Have a pre-planned, smartass answer for any gold digger questions she may throw at you. I'll get you started:

Q: What do you do?
A: (choose any of the following) Elbow model, World's tallest midget, 'You know that guy at the circus that follows the elephants? Well, I follow him.'

Q: What kind of car do you drive?
A: 1981 Chevette; or...
A: Ever see the Flintstones? (then just PAUSE and see what she does). Then smile and nod and say 'Yeah.'

Q: Do you own or rent?
A: Actually, I just crash at rich women's apartments. Are you rich?

Trust me - she’ll get the hint.

6. DON'T BUY WOMEN DRINKS! Here is one I am glad I learned at an early age. This should be rule 1 of any dating manifesto. Not only does this TURN OFF the nice women ('why does he think he has to BUY me something to talk to me?'), but this will attract the wrong women.

Now sometimes women will get cute and come up to you and say 'buy me a drink'. I never did understand this one, but it has happened to me a few times. Just chuckle and make her repeat what she said. Then say "AWESOME. I'll have a Jameson and ginger ale." If she protests and says that you are supposed to buy HER a drink, act really stupid and have her explain herself ("I don't understand, what do you mean?").

7. Finally, you need to get rid of that self-destructive mindset that this is the hottest girl you have ever been out with, and you are not going to do any better. If she is the wrong woman, she is the wrong woman. There is such an ABUNDANCE of good women out there - so there is NO reason why any guy should feel that he has to settle for anyone who doesn’t meet his standards.

Capice?

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2007 - Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics