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THE PROCESS: HOW TO GO FROM A FIRST CONTACT WITH A WOMAN TO AN IN-PERSON FIRST MEETING






Monday, June 18, 2007

Dating: How to Keep a Conversation Going

www.approachdynamics.com

Hey guys what do I do if conversations start getting old and tired?

Pablo

********MY COMMENTS********

Well Pablo, that would depend on your present status. Are you referring to a first date, the early stages of a relationship or have you been married ten years? I am also going to assume that you are still interested in the woman.

First Date:

Unless the woman has the personality of a MOP (which you can usually screen for ahead of time), you guys should have PLENTY to talk about. All this takes is a little preparation on your part beforehand. Here is a rough checklist of some things to do before a first date to make sure you have stuff to talk about:

1. For reasons I will never understand, women LOVE celebrity gossip. Before going out, check out US Weekly or go on one of the celebrity blog sites such as perezhilton.com, tmz.com or wwtdd.com. Don't go TOO crazy, but get a general idea as to recent celebrity break-ups, pregnancies and arrests. Not much different than high school!

2. Check out your local newspaper. Have a basic idea about what is going on in your area.

3. Drama with friends or at work/school (other than your own!) - Think of 2-3 stories about stuff going on with your friends or people you work with/go to school with. Get her take on their situations. This is good because they actually become ‘characters' in your story (and there is a chance she could get to meet them someday). Just make sure that if you are going to use a friend as an example, don't make the story TOO crazy or it could hurt you for being friends with them.

4. Crazy guy on the subway/bus/road - "You're not going to believe what happened to me on the subway, bus, etc." Everyone has one or two good commuting stories about some weirdo. Use it. Make it seem like it was that day, but it really doesn't have to be. It can be our little secret ;)

First 60 Days:

At this point, you guys are still feeling each other out (pun intended). If you are running out of stuff to say, you have probably fallen into a monotonous routine, which is not good. At this point, you guys should have a vested interest in each others' lives, as well as your own thing going on together. This should lead to PLENTY of stuff to talk about.

If you want to try and salvage this situation, you are gonna have to start mixing things up a bit. One of my favorite things to do here is take a girl out of her element. If she is into nice restaurants and loungey type places, take her to the circus or a monster truck rally! If she is into Irish pubs and pool halls (god bless you!), tell her to put on a nice dress and take her someplace fancy. That should do the trick. If it doesn't, then it is possible that you guys may not be compatible with one another.

Ten Years of Marriage:

I have never been hitched (now Stephen, on the other hand...), but I would imagine that there comes a point in many marriages where things like bills, the kids and cleaning bathrooms can supersede the hot romance you guys once had. And while your daily routine is a fact of life, it does NOT have to effect the connection you have with your spouse. After all, there are PLENTY of married couples that still chase each other around the house after 20-30 years of marriage.

Here's how you do it. At least once a month, take your wife out on a ‘date'. Get a babysitter or drop the kids off at your parents. Go somewhere nice - dinner, a show, the zoo, etc. Get creative. This is your time alone together.

But the one thing you MUST do is have no conversation about ANYTHING involving your everyday daily lives (bills, doctor appointments, that bizatch from work, etc.). Have fun, and enjoy each other's company.

Also, try and take your spouse on at least one or two vacations a year (WITHOUT the kids). Lock them in a closet if you have to! And for you Rhodes Scholars out there, that last sentence was a joke.

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2007 - Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics

2 comments:

Nicole said...

I think it's also important to note that, while no good relationship can exist without good conversation, silence isn't always an indicator that something is wrong. Quiet time isn't always bad. I once had the "we're running out of conversation" problem and I was discussing it with a friend who has been in a relationship for 5 years. I asked her if she and her fiance ever had that problem and she said "yeah but it's not really a problem. Sometimes we'll be eating dinner and not have anything to say, but I know that there is no person I'd rather be sitting there eating dinner with."

Stephen David said...

The problem is awkward silence... not just quiet, which I actually think is important to be able to enjoy!