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Thursday, June 14, 2007

Dating: The Difference Between an Inexpensive First Date and Being Cheap

I have made a point of emphasizing that when you are going out with a woman early on, you want to do something that is fun, interactive and INEXPENSIVE.

There are several reasons you want to keep a first date inexpensive. First, there is something unnatural about spending a lot of money on someone you just met. I can’t think of a more uncomfortable situation than two strangers sitting across from one another at a fancy restaurant trying to keep a conversation going. People put their guards up, and this kind of environment sets off all sorts of ‘date mechanisms’ in a woman’s head.

Plus, if things don’t work out, the woman (especially if she is nice) is either going to feel guilty or is going to wonder if the guy is going to have a ‘you owe me’ mentality at the end of the evening when he tries to go for a kiss. Nice girls also get turned off by these lavish first dates, because it leaves them wondering ‘why does this guy feels like he has to drop all this money on me... why cant he just be himself’?

Secondly, you are setting a bad precedent. If you spend a lot of money on her early on, she is going to expect it on future dates. If you start off moderate and things end up working out, you can always treat her later. She will also appreciate it more.

Finally, expensive dates are, well, expensive. This can prove costly for anyone, especially if you are dating a lot of women. And I can assure you, there is no correlation between how much money you spend and how successful your date is going to be (or at least there BETTER not be, or you have trouble on your hands).

But that being said, DON’T BE CHEAP. Cheap people SUCK.

Some examples of a guy being cheap on a first date could include taking her up on her offer of ‘can I get this?’ when the check comes, expecting her to share food with you (for NON-romantic reasons) or not buying a round of drinks, dessert, etc. if the situation calls for it. I still laugh when I think of the story a friend told me about a guy that took her to Starbucks and tried to use a COUPON. That’s not cool.

If you want to see a true skinflint in action, check out our buddy Darren, who demanded that a girl reimburse him for half his restaurant bill after she wouldn’t go out with him again. Hey buddy, YOU made the choice to take her out for an expensive dinner. You have NO RIGHT to complain that you were used because she wouldn’t see you again.

Now if she DEMANDS that you take her somewhere or buy her something while you guys are out, by all means call her out on it (and then throw her number away). But otherwise, don’t mention money at all (in ANY respect). It should be a non-issue. Bottom line - go someplace fun and inexpensive, like a pool hall, bowling alley or a bar with games. But once you guys are there, do whatever you have to do to make the date fun.

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2007 - Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Hey Darren, you ate the food, you drank the wine. Do the right thing.