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Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Internet Dating: The First Email - Avoid Templates

Somebody has been passing around an AWFUL template of a cut-and-paste first email to send to women. I have had six different people send me a variation of this garbage. I don't know where it came from, but you might wanna think twice about using it.

Here is the EXACT email (as forwarded to me by its recipient):

I think these things are odd, I mean who usually sends out an email to introduce themselves to someone new?

That being said, I like that you're creative. But if you don't like Seinfeld, we'll have to break up. :)

I suppose this is the part where I talk about myself, I'm intelligent, have my mind set on my goals and have been known to make a joke every now and then.

Tell me, what's the most spontaneous thing you've done lately?

Presumably we're both on here to meet someone new. Worst case, you might make a cool friend, so let's get together for a drink/coffee sometime.

Heh? What?

Put yourself in the shoes of a woman getting this email. How would you react?

First off, this email was clearly sent out, WORD FOR WORD, to a large number of women. This is INSULTING. You are telling her that she is just another random girl from the internet, and there is nothing in particular you found special about her. If you are not going to include something unique to that particular girl's profile, don't even bother sending an email. At the very least, include her name in there somewhere! Say what you want about the bullfighter chick, but at least that guy was original.

Then there is THIS perspective. Have you ever used a canned line (or a cut-and-paste email) on a woman and actually gotten a positive response, only to find that you have somehow lost some respect for the woman in the process?

I once sent the same 2-sentence email to ten women (a little more creative than what is above, AND I included their names) just to see what would happen. The entire process took me ten minutes, and I got two positive responses. But instead of being excited, I had a different, unexpected reaction. I remember thinking to myself that ‘hey, didn't she realize that was a line?' It was a little weird.

In short, before sending a first email to a woman, scan her profile closely. Find the one or two things in there that are truly unique to her (i.e. something only SHE could have written). THAT'S your opener. Of course, some profiles are going to have more uniqueness than others, but in reality, why would you want to write to someone with a generic profile anyway?

Alexander Stone & Stephen David
Copyright 2007 - Online Dating Edge / Approach Dynamics

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